Page 48 of Chaos

33

Eris

Dealingwith death came in strides for me. Passing time didn’t heal; it only made you forget the pain you once endured. I hadn’t visited Noah’s or Dad’s gravesite since I’d run to Blackwell so many years ago, and that didn’t change when I returned home. Yet, today being the anniversary of their accident, and I was only miles away for a job interview, it seemed as today was fated to be the day I finally visited them.

Driving up the muddy dirt road, I prayed for the strength and forgiveness I needed to make it through the day. Mom offered to come along with me when I called and told her where I was going after my interview. Although I appreciated it, I told her no. There was only one person who was able to carry me through weakness, and he was in Blackwell.

If I had actually planned to come here earlier and not decided spur of the moment, I would have bought flowers or something. Worst mom and daughter ever. Guilt swelled in my stomach as I parked the car, not being able to make it any farther in a vehicle. I’d be footing it the remainder of the way. Patches of dandelions were conveniently spread out on the nearby hillside, but I didn’t believe in coincidence. Happiness touched my lips, knowing it was a sign of some sort. I just didn’t know what. Without question, I yanked two handfuls from the ground, one for each of them, laughing because the dirt and roots were still attached. In the middle of breaking them off the stems, I stopped myself, thinking of how much Noah and Dad would have loved the roots being there, simply because it annoyed the shit out of me, so I left it. Wiping my hair away from my face wasn’t the best idea as dirt fell from my fingertips and into my mouth.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I cussed and spit, reaching the top of the hill and falling into the mud.

If the flowers were a good sign, I wasn’t sure what face-planting in the mud and destroying most of them would signify, but I was confident Ray would have the answer. Only a few stragglers still held form, but determination pumped through my veins. They were getting the damned flowers anyway. Mud and all. Picking up essentially two handfuls of mud to get all the flowers, I got to my feet and kicked off my heels. They were probably the reason I fell in the first place.

Tears filled my eyes as my determination quickly disappeared, remembering I had once again failed them. I couldn’t get anything right, not even the flowers I should have delivered to them years ago. Not only were they late, most of them were sadly matted to the other due to the amount of mud I held in my hands.

A man clearing his throat stopped me in my tracks and docked my tears to dry. Slowly, my head raised and the tears burst through, lacking the restraints they once had.

“Drex,” I said in disbelief, as if saying his name would validate his presence. My heart pounded excitement and sorrow into my body, and I didn’t know which route to travel.

He simply smiled, laying bleeding hearts and one rose onto both the headstones.

“I should have known I’d see you here.” He took my wrists and helped me place the muddy flowers on top of the ones he’d brought. The wind was cold and crisp as it blew around us, but this gesture warmed me. If it were any two other people, this would be a disaster, but for Drex and me, roses, bleeding hearts, and mud made perfect sense.

“What are you doing here?”

“I needed to ask for forgiveness,” he said, nodding his head toward my dad’s and son’s gravesites.

“Me, too,” I told him, wanting to tell him they weren’t the only ones I needed it from.

“Of course.” His hands dropped from my wrists, leaving almost clean prints where his palms had been. He walked past me, and my eyes followed him, certain this wasn’t how we should end, but reminded our end was set in stone when I left him.

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