Page 47 of Chaos

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Drex

Day 224

“Guess who I talked to?”Lexie dangled the bait in front of my nose, hoping I’d bite down on the hook.

“Don’t care, Lex.” I glared at her, zeroing the scales as she placed our patient onto the exam table.

“Yes, you do.”

“Nope.”

We argued back and forth while I finished the exam and she assisted.

“Look, I’m all for Drex 2.0, but you do realize you went from being a drunk to being a workaholic?” She laid it all out on the table for me, not telling me anything I didn’t already know. “Don’t get me wrong, I like having you around and love the fact it gives Henry more free time…”

“But?” I finished her statement, wishing she would get to her point.

“But, Drex.” She paused, no doubt trying to peak my interest.

“Pupils equal and reactant to light,” I continued my examination aloud, ignoring her. “Lung sounds clear bila —”

“She’s engaged,” she whispered into the diaphragm of my stethoscope after pulling it from my fingertips.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I blurted out so loud it startled both Lexie and Red, my patient, as they both jumped.

“Told you that you still cared.” She stuck out her tongue, not offering any excuses.

“Bitch,” I cussed her as she winked, making it clear she’d made up the engagement.

“Quit being a dick and go see her.”

“I wasn’t the one who left,” I half-heartedly spat out, trying to be mad at Eris, but I wasn’t. Pretending to still be upset with her was easier than admitting to my sister I’d just let Eris leave because it was what she needed.

“You didn’t have a reason, Drex,” she said in a serious tone, helping Red down and leading him back to his kennel. She thought she was pointing out something I didn’t already see. I wasn’t blind. I was trying to do the right thing.

I’d spent months blaming Eris for leaving me and then a few more denying her existence. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d meet Noah’s mom. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. Working in the medical field for the better part of my life, I’d dealt with patients’ family members. You were praised when you gave good news, but when you failed, you were at fault. I didn’t mind being the bad guy in their eyes, because everyone needed someone to blame. It helped with the healing process, in my opinion. I blamed myself for not being able to save Noah, but again, I was okay with hating myself. The hardest thing to live with was letting Eris hate me. I needed her forgiveness, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever get it.

Of all the time we’d spent together, I always fought to be selfless with her. Usually, I was unsuccessful. It was selfish of me to love her, so I didn’t chase after her. Every neuron in my brain fired, telling me to catch her and never let her go, but she deserved distance, so I sacrificed myself for her.

Eventually, perhaps peace would find me, but I wasn’t holding my breath.

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