Page 34 of Chaos

Her demeanor softened when I took her chin in my hand. “I’m sorry. You’re right,” I confessed, knowing she needed to hear the words she’d deserved to hear for some time now. I didn’t tell her those words held more meaning than just for the situation we were currently in, but they did.

Her mouth fell open and she tilted her head, raising her right eyebrow because it was the only one she could raise by itself. Her tightened face relaxed, and sadness washed over its features.

“I love you, Drex.” She spread open her arms and tiptoed to wrap them around my neck.

“You, too, Lex,” I murmured into her hair that was covering my face and getting caught in my beard.

“Hello?” Eris’ voice echoed through the empty lobby, and Wiz meowed in response.

Our eyes met, but she couldn’t see the panic churning in the pit of my stomach. Today wasn’t a good day for me. I knew I didn’t need to see Eris. I was afraid to be around her in this bad of a mood, and to be honest, I didn’t want her to see my knuckles. Shame was a funny emotion. One you couldn’t ignore or mask. The rushing of blood that brought the very feeling of dread and urged you to hide your true self wasn’t an easy one. I was ashamed I let myself get that angry, but until Eris, I never cared who knew I had a bad temper.

“I’ll go,” Lexie offered in an all-too-knowing voice, obviously aware of my fears. Her hand turned the doorknob, and I stopped her. Regardless if I wanted Eris to see me, if I didn’t face her here, we’d find each other somewhere else. Small towns were like that, but it seemed I’d gone years without ever meeting Eris, but now that I had, I saw here everywhere. I’d wondered if we’d met before the day in the diner, but was confident I would remember someone that beautiful…and sometimes rude.

“Thanks, sis, but I think I should handle this time.” I pinched her cheek between my fingers and apologized again with my eyes. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been an awful person to Lexie, but she always tried to protect me. I didn’t deserve her as a sister and unquestionably wasn’t worthy to be her friend. Despite all of that, she was always in my corner. I took her for granted for too long; I promised myself I’d try to be nicer to her. Truthfully, I hadn’t seen her this furious in some time now and was afraid this would be the time I would lose her.

Walking past the kennels and everyone that was expected to stay overnight or for a few nights, depending on their condition, I listened for Eris. Wiz whined and my footsteps stilled, waiting to hear her. Maybe I was stalling a little, but a few more seconds wouldn’t make a difference.

“He’s gone,” her voice barely managed in the most heartbreaking tone. I gripped the doorframe and held it tight, needing something to ground me hearing the sorrow in her voice. My heart hammered in my chest, and the growing determination I had was lost. Her pain was unmistakable. It was evident she was suffering. I just didn’t know who she was talking about.

“Eris,” I called out her name, wanting to make my presence known, and walked around the desk, my fingers dragging the edge. A shockwave of fear took my voice away from me, and I quickly halted my footsteps as I found Eris sitting on the floor, her back against the desk. Slowly, I bent down, taking in her disheveled appearance, and it stung to see her like this. It shook my foundation and bits of my self crumbled along with her pain. There were people in the world you wished to protect and you weren’t aware of the fact until it was too late. I knew by the dullness of her once radiant eyes that I’d missed my chance to do exactly that. It was without question she’d already danced with demons I’d never be able to free her from.

Blood or red paint stained the front of her blonde hair, and the skin covering the knuckles on her right hand matched the lack of my own. I really hoped it was paint, but knew it wasn’t by her behavior and appearance. Her eyes roamed my face, and the misery coating them grasped at my very existence. Her hands left Wiz’s fur, wiping tears out of her eyes as she cleared her throat. She drew in the sorrow dripping from every aspect of her as if she flipped a switch and straightened her back.

“Drex, what are you…” she questioned, her eyes traveled from mine to my name sewn onto my lab coat. Wiz eyed me hatefully and climbed from Eris’ lap, disappearing around the corner of the desk.

“You’re the dick? I thought your last name was Wolf?” Confusion was clear in her voice as it trembled the slightest amount. Briefly, I glanced at my name to make sure Lexie hadn’t changed the monogram to “The Dick”. It was something she would do…and I wouldn’t blame my sister, too much. Nope. It still said, “Dr. Howell”.

I shook my head, wondering why Eris always asked if I was “The Dick”. I thought we’d established this much. Questioning the fact should be long gone.

“Wolf? No. That’s Lexie’s married name.”

“She’s married?”

“No, it was a sham marriage. Lasted...” My lips tightened with concentration as I tried to remember the short period she’d been married. “It doesn’t matter,” I finished my statement, not caring in the least about Lexie’s last name.

“Right.” Eris nodded her head and sighed, pushing off the floor with her hands, and stood up, heading toward the exit. She was at the door before I could reach her. Panic whipped its spaded tail through my veins as betrayal flashed behind Eris’ blue eyes.

“Nothing matters anyway,” she spoke the grave words and pushed through the glass door that chimed, announcing the motion.

“Eris, wait.” Desperation bound from those two words, and I hoped it was enough to convince her to listen. Rain dripped off the awning, creating a sheet of light droplets behind her as she paused, but didn’t turn to face me. She took one more step and stood, letting the water wash away her pain.

“Dr. Drexell Howell, asshole extraordinaire, aka the dick with a lot of baggage.” The truth was the only thing I knew to offer, and it was what she needed to hear right now. Her body spun as she heard my honesty, and the dimmest flicker of optimism flashed through her. I turned my hands over and gestured my head toward the now dampened bandages.

I joined her in the rain and extended my hand, watching the bandages slowly soak up the rain as its pace slacked. The lowest, nearly inaudible laugh piped out of her lips, and then she wrapped her hand in mine, electrifying every nerve ending in my body. “Eris Greyson, aka the shit with a bad temper.” She flipped our hands over and mirrored my action, freeing me from the shame of losing my cool. Apparently, she had as well, a fact that would scare most men, but knowing we were both damaged comforted me.

The lights flipped off inside, and Lexie popped her head out of the door after cracking it. “Y’all up for some pizza at Henry’s?” My tongue caught in my cheek with uncertainty. If he was having pizza, then why did I need to fill in his shift? Well, I owed it to him regardless, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to bring it up the next time I saw him.

Eris looked to me for an answer, and I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn’t making any decisions. I knew how incredibly close I was to losing myself again earlier today, and I didn’t want to be the person to push her to that point. I knew why my knuckles were busted up, but didn’t have the faintest idea why hers were. Everyone carried demons from their past, even the most purest of person. Something told me Eris’ demons were embedded into whom she was, why else would she be drawn to me?

“Sure. Pizza sounds great,” Eris answered with a forced smile on her face and pulled her hand from mine, leaving my skin a little colder than it was before we touched. She seemed to hate the idea of going to Henry’s as much as I did, yet we were going. She was the type of person who only did things she wanted, who didn’t let society’s opinions weigh on her decisions. To me, she was a constant force such as gravity, neither to be swayed easily. She was powerful enough to shake loose inhibitions inside of me I wished to keep hidden. Life was easy before Eris, and undeniably easier before I realized I needed her. I blocked out all that I could and avoided everything else. Anger was the only constant in my life. Well, that and whiskey. Eris brought wind to my murky life and stirred up the dust. It was indisputable as long as she was near that I’d never settle again, and I was okay with that. Somedays.

“That means you’re going, too, right?” Lexie pushed, well aware I would be going wherever Eris did.

“Yes, Lex, that means I’m going, too.” I laid the fake irritation on heavy and dramatically rolled my eyes. I didn’t know if all twin siblings were this annoying, but Lexie had given me hell, well, since she was capable of doing so. I was sure being my twin hadn’t been a breeze either, though. Lexie had always pushed me, but generally, it was in the right direction, or at the very least, she believed it to be. I’d been a stubborn ass our entire lives, too. This time was no exception.

Lexie offered to drive, so we all piled into her tiny ass car without complaining…too much.

“I thought I worked today because Henry was having trouble with his gold digger?” I chimed in, pushing against the front seat and almost crushing the boxes with the back of the chair. For someone who hadn’t called Eris, everything seemed awful convenient. Her front seat was full of boxes, leaving Eris and me to share the back seat. Not that I minded at all, but I could only be led to believe this was one of my sister’s elaborate plans to help. That I did mind. I hated being seen as a pawn in her mind, like she could pick me off the board and place me where she wanted, giving my life a new course and direction. There were eight of those fuckers on the board; I only wished she’d find her other seven pawns and leave me where I was.

“Watch out!Don’t crush all my doodads,” Lexie complained, shoving the back of the seat off the boxes and completely avoiding my question. I saw Eris glance at Lexie using her peripherals, but she didn’t say a word. It was clear she thought my sister to be as crazy I did.

“Sorry.”

“That’s twice today. What is it, my birthday?” Lexie grinned, looking past me and nodding her head for Eris to climb in first. I moved out of the way and helped her into the back of my sister’s car. She did as my sister insinuated, but hadn’t said more than two words since she agreed we’d go along with Lexie. Neither Eris nor I were talkative people; it was the breaks in between our words that allowed us the time to get to know one another. While everyone else chased the loudness of the world, we existed in the rests of the measures. Certain people were born diamonds, but unless you took the time to look past their unpolished surface, you might mistake them to be worthless as broken glass.

I learned so much about her just by simply watching her. When she straightened her posture, it wasn’t just a simple attempt to appear confident or to align her spine. Her soul was screaming, and she skirted on the very edge of disaster, so when she did this, she was trying to shake her burdens. The burning fire behind her irises told me her past was a line of gasoline that could explode at any second, given the right or wrong spark. Then again, maybe if we had spent just a little more time talking and less time having sex, she would have known I’m a veterinarian, and perhaps I could have prevented some of her apparent pain.

Worry overcame my thoughts. I knew Eris needed a better man than I was capable of ever being. I was more than aware of this fact early into meeting her, but it didn’t truly scare me then. It did now. When I imagined myself, I no longer stood alone. Eris was by my side, and I didn’t know how to keep her from fading into the blackness I knew.

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