Page 55 of Golden Rule

I’m already in my head, so the only word I can seem to muster up is, “Hello.” Thank God West speaks up for us both.

“Blue and West is fine,” he says. “We appreciate you agreeing to see us so early this morning. Practice starts at ten, but it was important to me that I’m here for this.”

Dr. Tyler gives a casual wave. “Honestly, I’m always in the office around six anyway, so a six-thirty appointment wasn’t much of a stretch.”

The doctor flashes another smile, but I can’t seem to shake my nervousness. West’s words from a moment ago flutter into my mind again, and I do my best to believe everything will be okay, but I’m a mess on the inside. It’s become habit to dwell onall that could go wrong, to question whether this is even a good idea.

Breathe, Blue.

You’ve got this.

We’ve got this.

My eyes stay fixed on Dr. Tyler as he rounds his desk, and then settles into his seat across from West and me. He’s carrying my chart, but he doesn’t open it right away. Instead, he places it in the middle of his desk and folds his hands on top of it.

“If it’s okay with the two of you, I’d like to start our journey together the same way I begin withallthe families I help. By thanking you,” he says. “For trusting me with your health. For trusting me with the very,verypersonal process of expanding your family.”

He’s so calm and collected. So much that I’m now feeling a bit more relaxed. We drove three hours to ensure that our case would be handled by the best of the best, and I’m starting to believe we made the right choice.

“Thank you, Sir,” West says. “Honestly, I wasn’t expecting to feel this way, considering our history with treatment, and with how hard it can be on my wife some days, but… I’m actually glad to be sitting across from you this morning.”

“That’s excellent to hear,” Dr. Tyler smiles. “And, yes, we have quite a few tests to run, and some preliminary exams, but after looking over your case, even your history with failed treatments, I see nothing that suggests this can’t work. Which may very well mean it simply hasn’t workedyet.But we’re going to see what we can do about that.”

God, I hate this. Hate that he’s getting my hopes up. But also… I’m grateful. Hope isn’t something I’ve felt around this situation in a very,verylong time.

“Before we start talking particulars, are there any thoughts, questions or concerns you’d like to share with me?”

West and I turn toward one another at the same time, and I note that he’s smiling a little. He wants this so badly. Just as badly asIdo.

This has to work.

Has to.

“No questions that I can think of,” I say.

“Me either,” West adds. “I’m just anxious to get the ball rolling.”

Dr. Tyler grins at that. “You know, I don’t see enough of that, fathers who are just as eager as the mothers to be a parent. It’s refreshing.”

West moves his thumb across the back of my hand, and I feel my smile broaden with how Dr. Tyler’s already read West so well.

“Let’s take a peek at your chart,” he says, finally cracking open the pale folder he came into the room with.

My heart races while he scans our history, notes from my former fertility specialist, and previous test results. Then, I have to breathe deep when I imagine he’s also taking into account that we’re on our third try, and while he did say that this maybe just hasn’t workedyet,it could also mean something else.

That it mayneverwork.

“West, we’ll have you undergo a few tests as well to establish a baseline, but from what I’m seeing, it looks like you’ve actually fathered a pregnancy before?”

Dr. Tyler peers up, and West is silent when he should be speaking. Instead, he swallows deeply while gathering his thoughts.

“I did,” he admits. “There was a situation with a girl back in high school, but the pregnancy was terminated without my knowledge.”

Dr. Tyler nods. “And no history of conception since then?”

West shakes his head. “No, Sir.”

I shift in my seat, uncomfortable with the memory the doctor’s question just triggered. This was a situation that occurred before West and I even met, but I was around to see the aftermath, circumstances that honestly haunt him to this day, considering the thread that still connects this part of his past to the present.

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