Page 13 of Golden Rule

I zone out imagining the space transformed, filled to the brim with kids whose lives mirror myownchildhood. All I want, all I’veeverwanted, is to provide them with a safe space, an alternative to being on the street, getting into trouble.

West moves me onto his lap before sinking deeper into the chair. My body slumps into his as we stare out at the pool.

“That’s amazing,” he says, and without even looking up, I hear the smile in his voice. “So, what’s next? Do we have her get us in to see it?”

“Well, before we do that, I’d like to drive by and make sure the energy feels just as good in person as it did in the email.”

West chuckles and the vibration of it moves through my body. “Okay… I guess that’s a thing.”

“It’sdefinitelya thing, so maybe we’ll swing by once things slow down.”

A kiss presses to the side of my face, and for the first time since our plane landed, things feel somewhat normal.

“We’ll go whenever you’re ready,” he says. “And in the meantime, maybe we should get more specific on what we’re looking for in a house.”

“Ok, so let’s tighten up our list.”

He’s quiet while he thinks for a bit. “You’ll definitely need office space, and either a huge garage or enough property for me to add one.”

Laughing, I roll my eyes, because that’s a given. Collecting classic cars has been his passion since we met, and nothing’s changed.

“Duh,” I tease. “What else?”

“Finished basement,” he rattles off, “a pool, a good amount of extra bedrooms, so we don’t have to worry about outgrowing it.”

And just like that, the smile on my lips starts to slip. It’s at the mention of outgrowing our future home. I’d never want to make him feel like he isn’t free to express himself, but it kills me a little every time he gets his hopes up.

His arms tighten around me. “What’s wrong?”

Ofcourse,he noticed. The man knows me like the back of his hand.

“It’s—”

“If you sayit’s nothing,I swear I’ll toss your ass right into that freezing cold water,” he threatens, drawing a laugh from me as I gaze out the window toward the pool.

“I…”

My words trail off because I know he doesn’t want the dismissive answer. He wants therealanswer. The one I’m not quite sure how to put into words.

“West… what if I can’t do this? What if we try, and try, and it just never happens?”

I’m breathless when I’m done, feeling the weight of it all. The dream was to have a houseful—four or five little ones driving us crazy, running us ragged. But it never even crossed my mind that we couldn’t.

ThatI…couldn’t.

The ability to be a mom was something I took for granted, long before it was time to seriously consider it. I just assumed it would happen when we wanted it to happen, and it would be easy. Only, in reality, it’s been anythingbutthat.

West’s turns me by my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes before he speaks.

“Blue Golden, you’re enough for me. You, and you alone,” he adds, and when a tear slips down my cheek, he kisses it away.

I take a breath, then speak my thoughts out loud. Thoughts I’ve had for several weeks now but kept them in for fear of somehow bringing bad juju on myself.

“I think I’m ready to try again.” I fall silent, and my heart races, because I’m desperate to block out the past. “We can reach out to one of the local specialists we researched before the move. If you’re up to it,” I add quickly, wanting him to know there’s no pressure. The past treatments weren’t only difficult for me. They were rough on him, too.

He kisses my cheek again, and when he pulls away, there’s a smile on his lips. “If you’re ready to try again, we’ll try again.”

I study his face for a moment, needing to know he’s truly on board and not just saying what he thinks I want to hear. But the longer I stare, the clearer it becomes that he’s meant every word.

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