Page 101 of Golden Rule

A guy says West’s name, singing his praises about today’s game, and my thoughts are on him again. I’m fighting myself, wanting to steal a glance at him, hoping he’s just as miserable as I am after our fight. I can’t take it anymore, losing the battle as I turn, leveling a glare at him from across the room. To my surprise, he’s completely ignoring the conversation with two of his teammates in favor of staring at me.

Frustration fills me, and I roll my eyes as I look away, remembering the hurtful words that flew from his mouth tonight. We finished getting ready in silence, thendrove herein silence, and now, I’m seated in a corner booth with Jules, Joss, Dez, and Lexi while my husband keeps his distance.

Which I’m grateful for.

“I’ll refrain from asking what you and Joss did to West and Dane before the game—because I get that a lady must maintain her secrets—but whatever it was, keep doing it,” Jules teases. “They killed it today!”

“Jaxon wasdefinitelyinto it,” Lexi chimes in. “Don’t get me wrong. Kid knowsnothingabout football, but he ran circles around my coffee table chantingDaddy.The only reason I didn’t stop him was because his head was protected by theEmperorshelmet Sterling bought him.”

I laugh, imagining my nephew doing laps around the living room in an oversized helmet, and it’s the first hint of joy I’ve felt in a couple hours.

“Oh, God. How cute!” Joss gushes. “Please tell me you recorded it.”

“You already know,” Lex shoots back, pulling it up to show Joss.

In just that brief break in conversation, my eyes are on West again. This place holds so many memories for us. Even the ones some might consider to bebadmemories aren’t really that. Because they led us to our truth, which ultimately led us… here.

To each other.

I lower my gaze when his eyes hold too much emotion for me to stand. It’s like I can feel hisI’m sorryall the way from here, but it isn’t enough. Not this time. Implying that growing our family makesmea burden… is absolutely unacceptable.

Especially seeing how we decided this together.

Shit, tears.

Feeling the sting in the corner of my eyes, I grab my purse.

“Be back in a sec,” I announce, sliding out of the booth before the girls can see that I’m upset. The last thing I need is for them to notice something’s wrong, asking questions. The tears I’m fighting to hold back would break through like a flood in front of everyone, and there’d be no stopping it.

God knows Pandora would have a field day if pics like that were to get out.

My feet don’t stop moving until I’m safely inside the bathroom, bracing the edge of the sink with both hands.

Get it together, Blue.

You can’t fall apart here.

Deal with your shit when you get home.

A sharp breath leaves me when I force it out, pretending to be strong for the sake of saving face. Only half the people here are friends, the other half are either foe or undecided.

In other words, this isn’t a safe space to be vulnerable.

I put on a bit of lip gloss and give myself a onceover in the mirror before turning away, convincing myself that I’m ready to pretend everything’s fine. Even though it’s far from it. I take one step toward the door, but halt when it swings open.

Yes, partly because it nearly knocked me over, but mostly… because the one who’s just walked in shouldn’t be here.

“West, you can’t?—”

“I hurt you tonight,” he says, ignoring all the reasons he should leave. “There’s no excuse for what I said, for how I behaved.”

At his words, I fight the urge to tell him it’s okay, because that would just be a reflex. It’snotokay. He cut deep, and I won’t carry that on my own.

I stay silent as he steps closer.

“You mean everything to me.” He takes my hand as his jaw tenses. “Every-fucking-thing.”

In the seven years we’ve been together, my husband has never been one to show his feelings. Having been raised by a man as emotionally dead inside as his father, Vin Golden, it’s to be expected, but there’s a vulnerability to West in this moment I don’t often see.

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