Page 73 of Obsession

I blew out a breath and flopped back against the pillows. That had not gone like I had expected it to, but what had I been expecting? Hazy memories with Britta swirled in the back of my brain—had we been in a cave?—but I couldn’t pull them up, I couldn’t remember. They were too twisted with memories of being dragged through the academy and of blinding pain relegating everything to a blur.

I groaned as another twinge shot through my leg and an awful feeling settling in my gut. Why did I get the feeling that I had just ruined something that meant everything to me?

Chapter

Fifty-One

Britta

Iburst into my quarters, slamming the door and pressing my back against it. The tears burned behind my eyes, but I wouldn't let them fall. Not yet. My chest was so tight it hurt to breathe, and my throat ached from the effort of holding back sobs.

The familiar sight of my room only made the pain sharper. The narrow bed with its precisely tucked corners. The small desk where my few treasures from Earth sat—a framed photo of my family before the invasion, an antique protractor, and a bodice-ripper romance that Fiona had loaned me. Wind gusted through the slim window cut into the black stone, making the pages in the romance novel flutter.

How could I have been so stupid? Opening up, letting someone in, believing that what happened in the simulation was real.

But it hadn’t been real. Despite what Kann had said, despite what I had let myself believe, despite what I had felt, it had all been a lie.

"Never again," I whispered to my empty room, but my voice cracked.

I stumbled to the bathroom, yanking off my clothes with trembling fingers as I walked. The fabric caught on my arms, twisted around my legs, fighting me like my own emotions trying to break free.

The bathroom attached to my quarters was compact and utilitarian—all sharp angles and gleaming black stone, softened only by the thick gray rug that kept me from slipping on the polished floor. The shower was open, with only a half wall of stone to divide it from the rest of the small room, and I flipped the nozzle to start the water flow as I stepped underneath.

The first blast of water was ice cold, making me gasp. My skin prickled into goosebumps as I stood there, letting the frigid spray punish me for being so foolish. Slowly, the water warmed until steam billowed around me. Still, my breath hitched in my throat as I shivered violently.

“I hope I didn't do anything to ruin our friendship."

His words echoed in my head, each one a dagger to my heart. He didn't remember. Or he didn't want to remember. Which was worse?

I had been sure he was joking when he first said it. This was the Drexian who had buried his head between my legs and made my entire body tremble with pleasure. He had spread my legs and called me naughty. How could he forget that?

I shook my head and sent water flying around the room so it sprinkled the ebony walls. You did not forget doing those things, saying those things. You did not forget unless you wanted to forget, unless you wanted to put it behind you, unless you wanted to move on.

Unless he did not love me.

Finally, alone in the shower with the water drumming against my skin and masking any sound, I let go. The first sob ripped from my throat, then another. Hot tears mixed with the pounding water as everything I'd been holding back poured from me.

I pressed my palms against the slick stone wall, my body shaking as I cried. Cried for how foolish I’d been, how gullible. Cried for becoming vulnerable and weak. And cried for finally falling in love and letting it break me.

But I wouldn't stay broken.

The water sluiced away my tears and washed away the grime of the simulation and the wreckage of my broken heart. I sobbed until my body ached, and there was no more pain to release. I sobbed until I was well and truly done.

I might have lost Kann, but I wouldn't lose myself. Not again.

I turned off the water with fingers that no longer trembled. Wrapping myself in a thick towel, I breathed deeply and let the soft fabric ground me in reality.

The woman who'd fallen in love in that simulation was gone. The woman who'd opened her heart, who'd whispered "I love you" in a moment of fear—she was dead.

I met my own eyes in the mirror, noting how they were already harder. Good. I would rebuild my walls, stronger this time. Higher. No one would ever breach them again.

Love was for other people. Weaker people. I was a soldier, an engineer, a survivor. And I would never let my heart make me forget that again.

Chapter

Fifty-Two

Kann

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