Page 20 of Obsession

At least I’d already gone through the process to be selected by one of the four schools. Even if this was the new method, I was already an Iron. My chest swelled at this, and I thought of receiving my parchment invitation to the Iron initiation. It had been one of the proudest moments of my life. And yesterday had been one of the most humiliating.

A groan escaped my lips. I didn’t know if I was more embarrassed by what happened with Zav or by my outburst at Kann, which I’d followed with another truly awkward moment I couldn’t explain to myself, even now.

I tipped my head forward to rest above the open panel. The cool metal felt good against my suddenly warm forehead. Zav was the one I'd been crushing on. He was the stuff of fantasies, especially for those of us who’d preferred Beauty and the Beast before the beast changed back into a man. Between the horns, tail, and the intricate tattoos that covered his bronze skin, he was definitely the best kind of beast. And he’d made me nervous in what I'd thought was a good way.

So then why was it Kann who made my pulse skip and my skin tingle? Kann, with his golden eyes and deep laugh. Kann, who could make me laugh even when I wanted to strangle him. Kann, who was my friend, whom I’d explicitly told I wasn’t interested in, who was absolutely off-limits as an instructor.

Then the image of his face as he’d held my hand to his bare chest flashed through my mind. He had not looked at me like a friend.

“It doesn’t matter,” I muttered to myself. “You didn’t work this hard to throw it all away over a hot alien.”

Sometimes, being one of the first human women accepted into the academy was a heavy responsibility. Every move any of us made reflected on all of us. One scandal, one mistake, and we'd prove right everyone who'd said humans weren't ready, that women couldn't handle the pressure. So far, my friends who’d gotten involved with Drexians had paired up with appropriate guys, even if they’d toed the line of what was encouraged.

It was acceptable for two instructors to date. It was allowed for two cadets to be together. But an instructor and a cadet?

I lifted my head from the wall. None of this mattered. Nothing had happened with Kann. I’d probably imagined the intensity of his gaze because he definitely knew better than to come on to a cadet, right?

The door hissed open behind me, and I stiffened as I turned.

Grek. The universe hates me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, proud that my voice stayed steady as I faced Kann. He wore the dark academy uniform, even if he did open the collar more than most instructors. I absolutely did not think about what was beneath the fabric and how it had looked all sweaty. Not even a little bit.

The corners of his lips quirked. “Last time I checked, the holochambers were part of the School of Battle. My school.”

“That's not what I meant.” I turned back to the console, pretending to study the circuitry. “It's early.”

"I like early." He moved closer, and I caught the faint scent of whatever spicy soap Drexians used. "Better question is why you're here, instead of at breakfast."

"I think better in the morning. Fewer distractions." Like half-naked instructors who had no business looking that good.

"Actually, I looked for you in the cadet dining hall. Jess said you'd be here."

My fingers stilled on the controls. Here it came—the awkward conversation about yesterday, about boundaries and appropriateness. I steeled myself for it.

"Thought you might want help," he said lightly. "Since it's my simulation you’re working on before class.” He held out one open palm. “I also brought you some bread.”

I glanced at the golden bread, the scent making my stomach rumble. Then I glanced at Kann. His expression was perfectly casual, as if nothing strange had happened between us. As if he hadn't held my hand against his sweaty chest. As if we hadn’t shared a laugh that had felt surprisingly intimate.

I took the bread. “Thanks,” I managed, taking a bite and letting my teeth sink into the warm, pillowy dough. “That would actually be helpful. I had some questions about the personality modules for your historical NPCs.”

He leaned over my shoulder to look at the display, close enough that I could feel the heat radiating from his body. "Show me."

This was fine. This was normal. Just two colleagues working on a project together. I could handle this.

If only I believed that.

Chapter

Thirteen

Kann

Iwatched Britta's fingers skip across the controls, trying to focus on the technical details she was explaining, rather than the way her hair caught the blue light of the flashing circuits.

It had been true that I’d gone to find her in the cadet dining hall. It was also true that I wanted to help with the simulation I’d given the Irons to create. But I hadn’t mentioned that I was up early because I’d barely slept. Between thinking of her touch and dwelling on the upcoming unsanctioned, and possibly deadly, rescue mission, I’d tossed and turned until the sun had started to creep above the horizon and into my room.

I truly wasn’t sure if I was more unsettled by the subversive mission or how I’d reacted to Britta’s touch. Neither one was allowed, so maybe I was right to be unable to sleep or silence my whirring mind.

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