Page 50 of The Tenor's Shadow

“When you first become a vampire, Anthony, the hunger for blood is all-consuming. Usually, the bond shared between a vampire and their sire controls that ravenousness. The sire can calm the demon through that bond and prevent the vampire from rampaging. Henry left me alone on the street. Perhaps he thought I would cause a public bloodbath and discredit my family. Perhaps he simply didn’t care, thinking to use his control over me to advance his own political interests.”

“The person sitting by my bedside when I woke was my younger sister, Daphne.” Freddie’s old grief sprang up as the image of her sprang to his mind. He fought through. “She was…she was beautiful. Sixteen, with rosy cheeks and a constant smile. She was who I loved most in all the world.”

Anthony coughed and shifted on the bed. Freddie couldn’t bring himself to look over at his mate. He kept his eyes trained on the gibbous moon hanging low over the tiled roofs of Barcelona. It was like a searchlight shining down on him, exposing him, leaving him nowhere to hide.

“I was out of my mind with hunger. I barely remember it, the sound of her screams and the blood running down my chin. When I regained my senses, all I had left was despair. And rage.”

Freddie closed his eyes, and his mind conjured the memory of his sister’s body, lifeless and cold. It hurt, but he deserved the pain.

“My father found me in that state. He reacted…well, how else could he react? There was no room for sympathy or understanding, and rightly so. I stood over the corpse of his only daughter, covered in her blood. He called me out for the monster I am. I left before he could get his hands on a weapon.”

Freddie shunted the memory of that night away into the recesses of his mind. He couldn’t dwell on that if he hoped to get through this.

“I slaughtered Henry Calvert and his entire family. I wish I could say it was my newfound desire for blood, but no. I did it for revenge. For making me into a beast. For my sister's life.”

“After that, I disappeared. I couldn’t face my mother and father again. Daphne, she…she was so kind. So innocent. And I murdered her.”

“I don’t know why I didn’t kill myself. I might have thrown myself into the fire, or asked another vampire to behead me. But I didn’t. I kept going, at first trying to drown my memories in blood and debauchery. But as the years passed, I needed a purpose for being. I had to balance the evil I’d done. I was searching for ways to do that when Master Hughes found me.”

Freddie stopped. There was nothing left to tell. Now Anthony had heard what he’d done, the bloodthirsty brute he was. He still couldn’t force himself to face his mate. The rejection that waited there would break him. It might finally be the thing that ended him.

“So you see why I am unfit to be anyone’s mate, nevermind someone as perfect as—”

“Freddie.” Anthony’s tone was certain, insistent. “Freddie, look at me.”

It took an intense effort, but Freddie turned his gaze back to the bed where Anthony sat. Anthony’s face was red. He’d been crying. Oh god, had he hurt him that deeply? Freddie had thought he would be angry, disgusted, afraid. But this was worse.

“What happens to you if I choose not to be your mate?”

Freddie swallowed. He hadn’t expected that question, although he should have. It was one he’d hoped that Anthony wouldn’t ask, but he also wouldn’t lie. Not to his mate. There would no longer be any deception between them.

“I will never be with anyone else. A mated vampire has no interest in another. And someday, when you die, as humans do, I will also die.”

“You’ll lose your immortality?”

“Yes. Now that I’ve found you, our lifespans are tied together, and if you do not become a vampire, I will share your death.”

Anthony sat there, taking in Freddie’s words, his hands clasped tightly in front of him. The silence was oppressive. Despite his supernatural strength, he thought he might collapse under the weight of it, and under the weight of Anthony’s gaze.

Anthony stared at him, chewing his lip and processing everything he had said. Then something in Anthony shifted. He set his jaw and reached out his hand.

“Freddie, I…I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through.” Anthony’s voice caught in his throat. “It’s more than one person should have to bear.”

Freddie blinked in confusion. What was Anthony saying? His mate’s eyes were bright, the moonlight from the window reflecting off of them, giving him an otherworldly presence.

“Please don’t keep yourself from me,” Anthony pleaded. “Come back to bed.”

Freddie’s mind was a maelstrom of confusion and hope. He managed to get his legs to move, and he crossed the room and laid down next to Anthony. He was careful not to touch him, though. The fear of rejection was too strong.

“Did you do evil things?” Anthony’s voice was low and comforting. “Yes. But evil was done to you, enough to break anyone’s spirit. You have made yourself who you are today, someone who is honorable and good, someone who protects others. That is an astonishing feat.”

Freddie tasted salt as his own tears hit his lips. Had he cried once in the hundreds of years since he became a vampire? He didn’t think so, not since the day his sister died.

“You shouldn’t be with a killer like me.” The words were glass in Freddie’s throat, but he had to say them. He had to give Anthony the chance. “You deserve better.”

Anthony rested his hand on Freddie’s chest, and Freddie trembled at the touch. He was a vampire with inhuman strength, yet Anthony could reduce him to a quivering mess. Even this tentative, careful caress made him weak.

Then, without warning, his lips were on Freddie’s, ravenous, as if he was trying to press his very life into him.

Freddie broke the kiss, surprised by the intensity. “Anthony?”

“I don’t want you to die. More than that. I want to be with you. No one makes me feel the way you do. Cherished. Seen. I don’t know if this whole mate thing is real, if this is forever, but I know how I feel right now.”

“Promise me you’ll be honest with me.” Freddie wanted more than anything to luxuriate in his love’s affirmation, but he forced the words out anyway. “Promise that if you are unhappy, that you won’t stay and be miserable. I never want that for you. I never want you to be stuck mated to a monster.”

Anthony’s hand moved to the back of Freddie’s neck, his grip strong, pulling Freddie’s face in close to his own. His eyes shone with a possessiveness Freddie had never seen in him before.

“If you are a monster, you’re my monster. You belong to me.”

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