Page 91 of Playing Games

“Move on?” I repeat her words—stupid words that I do not agree with. Words that feel so wrong when they leave my tongue, I can barely say them. “After everything, you just want to walk away?”

“We’re on different paths, Blake.”

“Who gives a shit about paths?” I counter. “We’ve spent this whole summer together while our paths aren’t exactly the same,and it was the best fucking summer I’ve ever had, Lex. We’re so good together. Why can’t you see that?”

“I know we have fun together,” she says. “But that doesn’t equal a relationship. It doesn’t equal a future.”

“We’ve had more than fun, and you know that,” I challenge. “More than justsex, Lexi. Youknowit. I love you, and if you’d let yourself, you love me back.”

She averts her eyes from me again, and I don’t hesitate to step forward and pull her into my arms. She goes willingly, melting against my body, and I hug her tightly to my chest, desperate to make her realize this love isn’t one-sided.

“I love you,” I tell her again. “I want to be with you. You’re the only girl I want to be with.”

I slip my hand under her chin and pull her gaze to mine. I search her eyes. They’re hesitant and unsure, and I press my lips to hers.

Our kiss is soft and slow at first, but eventually, she slides her hands up my back and into my hair. She feels so good and perfect in my arms, and I don’t ever want this moment to end. I want it to continue forever and fucking ever.

But in an instant, she pulls away, planting both of her hands on my chest and putting distance between us. “We can’t, Blake.” She shakes her head. “I’m sorry. But we can’t do this anymore.”

“Lexi—”

“No,” she cuts me off before I can say anything else. “I’m sorry. Idon’tlove you. I care about you, but I don’tloveyou. I don’t evenknow how to love.” Her eyes unfocus briefly before a quick shake of her head. “I’m sorry, Blake. This just isn’t going to work.”

Her words cut me open.

I don’t love you.

The pain is acute and damn near takes my breath away. It’s one thing for someone not to say “I love you” back, but it’s entirely another for them to say theydon’t.It removes the excuse of omission completely.

“So, that’s it,” I mutter, my voice a scratchy version of its normal timbre. “You’re done. We’re done.”

“I’m sorry.”

I can’t even look at her. It’s too fucking painful.

All I can do is turn on my heel and walk right back through her door, slamming it behind me. I lick my lips and clench my fists, fighting the urge to punch several holes in the wall of her hall on the way out and bang into the stairwell instead. I jog down the stairs, dropping shattered pieces of my heart on each and every level.

Move on from Lexi Winslow?Fucking impossible.

Saturday, August 23rd

Lexi

“I’d like to propose a toast to the smartest girl in the family,” Uncle Jude says, lifting his glass of champagne in the air with a big smile. “Lexi, I know everyone in this room is incredibly proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished. And we’re all kind of hoping you’re going to carry the torch for the Winslow family and finally prove to the world that we’re not a bunch of idiots.”

“Jude!” my grandma Wendy chastises, but she also laughs, along with everyone else in the room.

My mom is rolling her eyes at her youngest brother, and my stepdad Wes is pretty much doing the same, though his face is filled with far less annoyance. And I take the time to look around the room, savoring all the faces smiling in my direction of some of the most important people in my life, all gathered here in my grandma’s brownstone to celebrate my big milestone of defending my final dissertation of my doctoral career.

I’m officially done with college, and while I feel excited, I also feel a growing sense of anxiety about all the life changes coming my way.

My schedule is going to be different. My life will be different. I’ll no longer be spending most of my days at my favorite Dickson lab, but instead, living in the fast lane of adulthood in the real world.

My uncle Remy walks over to give me a big hug, and my aunt Maria does the same. Both telling me how proud they are of me and offering big congratulations on all that I’ve achieved. And they start a sort of assembly line of family and friends doing much of the same.

My grandma and Howard. My other uncles Flynn and Ty and their wives. My mom and stepdad Wes and brother Wes Jr. My dad Nick and my stepmom Charlotte. My parents’ best friends, Thatch and Cassie and Kline and Georgia. All of my cousins—Hawk, Meadow, Emily, Izzy, Carmen, Roman, and Ryder. Even Ace and Julia—and their respective brother and sister—and Finn and Scottie are here, along with Finn’s mom Helen and his siblings Reece, Travis, Jack, and Willow.

The house is packed fuller than a can of sardines, everyone basically having to climb over one another in the dining room to get to me, but they all manage to give me big hugs and heartfelt wishes as I prepare to take my next big life journey.

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