Page 84 of Playing Games

“You feel like doing something tonight?” I question, and Lex meets my eyes.

“You mean go out?”

“Yeah. Ace and Finn said there’s a party.”

Lexi furrows her brow. “Blake, I can’t do that.Wecan’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because everyone would think we’re together.”

“Hey, coincidence…wearetogether.” She levels me with a look, so I clarify. “Ohhh. You mean, everyone wouldknowabout us.”

“Yeah.” She snorts. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

If I know anything about Lexi, I know that delving deep into the giant pink elephant of a conversation that rears its head everytwo to three business days is the last thing she wants to do right now, but I also know if I don’t bring it up, she won’t either.

If I’m ever going to get anywhere, I have to keep nudging her outside of her comfort zone. And Ihaveto get somewhere. The need for the security of a real relationship with this amazing woman is eating me alive.

I pause to take a breath and sit down on the couch beside her, willing myself to take the harder road. I could easily let it go—settle in and enjoy her body and mine together over and over again. But the longer I let this conversation go, the harder it gets to have. “Lex, maybe people knowing wouldn’t be such a bad thing.Maybeit would be the best thing.” I pull her hand into mine, gripping it gently between my palms while my heart starts to pound erratically inside my chest. “I need it to bethething.”

She tilts her head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I love you, Lexi.” I tell her my truth, compelled to lay it all on the line. “I’min lovewith you. I love everything about us, and I want to love it openly and outwardly all the fucking time.”

“Blake, I…” She stares at me, her mouth setting in a firm line as her eyes flit away from mine. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Just tell me how you feel.” I squeeze her hand. “About me. About us. About what scares you. The two of us can figure out how to handle it together.”

She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth and avoids my gaze entirely. “I don’t think I’m the right girl for this, Blake.”

“Right girl? Lex, you’re theonlygirl for me.”

“No, Blake.” She shakes her head. “I’m not good with relationships, and I don’t fall in love. You want me to tap into my emotions and tell you how I feel, and the truth is, Idon’tfeel. Not like you. Not at the surface for everyone to see. I don’t think I’m capable of that, Blake. I’m just…different.”

“I think you’re looking at this all wrong,” I tell her, but she pulls her hand away from mine.

“No,” she snaps, sitting up with piercing eyes. “I thinkyou’relooking at this all wrong.”

“How?” I question. “How is it wrong that I love you and want to be with you? How is itsowrong that I want other people to know how I feel about you?”

“Blake, this isn’t how it was supposed to go. This was supposed to be…” She pauses, alarm in her eyes now, and I try my best to calm her as panic seizes my thudding heart.

“I know this wasn’t your plan, but sometimes things just happen, you know?” I say. “And this summer, something happened between us. Something strong and fucking special and real. I don’t want women to think they can approach me like they used to. I want them to know I belong to you.”

She shakes her head several more times, her whole body overcome. She shoves off the couch and stands, pacing in a panic.

“This isn’t how this was supposed to go. This is… You were supposed to have fun. You were supposed to befun.”

“Lex—”

“I have no intention of making any public announcement about us because I don’t see a future beyond the summer.” Her mouth is a gun, and her words are bullets striking straight into my fucking chest. Each shot hits the target that’s my heart, stinging like a motherfucker. “I think this is a sign we need to stop doing what we’re doing,” she continues until all the hope inside me withers and dies. “Otherwise, I think someone is going to get hurt.”

“Goingto get hurt?” I laugh, but there’s no humor. “Pretty sure it’s a little too fucking late for that.”

“I’m sorry, Blake,” she says, but her voice is barely above a whisper.

“You want to know what I think?”

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