Page 53 of Playing Games

And she’s also weirdly obsessed with hot chocolate, which she’s now sipping with what can only be described as reverence.

“So,” Ginger says after a particularly long sip. She leans in slightly, her red hair brushing her shoulders. “Tell me about the guy.”

“What guy?” I already know who she means, but I reach for my cup of water like it’s a shield and take a sip.

“Oh, come on, Lexi,” she says through a snort. “The guy who shows up with food. You know, tall, muscular, and devastatingly handsome?” She smirks. “Don’t play dumb. I’ve seen him twice now, and I’d bet all five hundred dollars in my checking account he’s not yourDoorDashguy.”

I pause, debating how much to share. I’ve never really done the whole girl-talk thing, and spilling details about Blake feels equal parts terrifying and cathartic. But there’s a whole reason I want to keep our relationship a secret. I’m simply not ready for anything more than that.

But man, for once in my life, it sure would be nice to talk to someone about something like this. Someone who isn’t Connor or my family or someone who is friends with my family. A completely neutral party who doesn’t know all the ins and outs of my life.

“His name is Blake,” I eventually tell her, testing the waters to see if she knows who Blake Boden is to Dickson University. Truth be told, Ginger Lewis is a lab rat like me, and she either knows who Blake is because everyone on campus does or she has her head so far up her computer’s ass that she doesn’t even know our college has a football team.

“Okay,Blake,” she repeats, her eyes lighting up with curiosity but her expression not showcasing any recognition to his name.“And? What about this Blake guy? What’s the story with you two?”

This Blake guy. I almost want to laugh at how oblivious she is. I also feel the biggest sense of relief. It’s one thing for me to be reckless not even two hours ago and show up at Dragon Stadium to tell Blake that I want to try to be together—in secret—and kiss him, but it’s a whole other thing for me to actually talk about that reality with someone who knows who he is.

Ginger’s total cluelessness is a welcome breath of fresh air. Though, that doesn’t mean I feel comfortable enough to tell her all the sordid details.

“It’s complicated,” I say, going with vague.

“Complicated how?” She raises an eyebrow. “He seems pretty straightforward—brings you food, smiles like he invented happiness, and looks at you like you hung the stars. What am I missing?”

“You’re not missing anything.” I shrug, unsure of how to answer her question, but also, not answer it at the same time. “It’s just very complicated.”

“Well, dating someone generally is complicated.”

“We’re not dating per se,” I clarify quickly. “I mean, we’re dating, but we’re keeping things on the down-low and seeing where it goes.”

“So, it’s a secret relationship, then?”

“Well, yeah. It is. I mean, that’s how I want it for now.”

“You’re the one who wants it to be secret?” she asks, surprise in her voice. “Why? He seems great. And he’s easy on the eyes. Why the need to keep all that goodness locked up behind closed doors?”

“Honestly, it’s not about him,” I admit, my voice softer. “It’s more about me. My life is already full and busy, and I can’t exactly lose focus, you know?”

“Lex, you sound like Dr. Blevin right now.” Ginger leans back, crossing her arms as she studies me. “Dating someone shouldn’t be as complicated as a PhD dissertation. It should be simple.”

Yeah. Hah. I wish it were.

“Do you like him?”

I nod.

“Do you feel good when you’re around him?”

“Yes.” Clearly, I feel good when I’m around Blake. I have an entire, currently unused AI-assisted app I created with him in mind that’s showcased that to me in graphs and charts at least a hundred times.

“Then what’s the problem?” she asks, throwing her hands up. “If being with him makes you happy, why are you turning it into a mathematical equation? It’s not about optimizing variables. It’s about what feels right.”

I stare at my food, her words hitting harder than I expected. “It’s not that easy for me, Ginger,” I say quietly. “I don’t know how to be all in with someone. Honestly, I’ve never really been capable of that in the past, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be capable of that. The last thing I want to do is hurt him.”

She reaches across the table, her hand resting lightly on mine. “Lex, no one knows how to be all in until they try. You’re overthinking it. Just take a breath and let yourself feel.”

Feel.Oh man. If only it were that easy for me.

I smile faintly, appreciating her sincerity even if it doesn’t magically solve my dilemma.

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