Page 42 of Boys Like You

Maximus stirs, flipping to face me, his glasses off. He starts to whimper, and the sound he makes after that has me running towards him, my heart aching for him.

I squat down and place my hand out to move a curl from his face. A scream from deep inside him causes me to fall back. Levi goes from deep sleep to wide awake. He instantly jumps up out of his sleeping bag. “Don’t ever touch him when he is like this,” he snaps, but I can see the instant remorse in his eyes. He gets Maximus’s sleeping bag open and wraps one arm and his leg over him, pulling him close. He whispers softly in his ear. Maximus is crying, eyes closed, tears running down his face.

I cross my legs over and watch everything unfold as Rory paces the room. Rocky comes to sit next to me, pulling me into his arms. “He will be okay.”

Maximus slowly gets up with Levi’s help; Rory hands him his glasses. When he puts them on, his eyes cut straight to mine, his face red. He opens his mouth like he wants to say something. I close the gap between us and stand an inch from him. I wait for him to adjust to me being so close, and when he relaxes slightly, I wrap my arms around his waist softly. He goes rigid and places his hands on my hips and kisses the top of my head. I feel his heart beating rapidly against my cheek. I guess he wasn’t expecting me to hold him like this. I can hear the guys whispering to each other before leaving the room.

“Don’t ever be embarrassed around me, I will never judge you. You being you is enough.” His hands on my hips move to pull me into a tight hug before he lets me go. I follow suit and release him.

“You’re all sweaty, go have the first shower.” He nods, and I watch as he grabs his uniform and heads into my bathroom. Leaving him to it, I make my way into the dining room. Everyone stops talking as soon as they see me.

“Is he okay?” Beth asks.

“He’s gone for a shower.” I join them at the table. Rocky slides a glass of juice towards me.

“What happened in there was a huge deal for him,” Levi says, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

“What do you mean?” I don’t want to pry. “If you can’t tell me it’s fine, I understand you have all been through things.”

“Maximus has trouble with anyone touching him. He’s never even hugged his mother, but he just let you. We don’t know how it will affect him.”

“Levi, I didn’t think. I can’t explain it but when it comes to Maximus, I can sense his body language, I give him time to adjust. It sounds stupid saying it out loud.”

“Oh, dear, don’t feel bad. Levi wasn’t saying it was a bad thing, just possibly confusing for Maximus. Levi’s usually the only one who can touch him in a comforting way, and he may struggle with this too.”

“I’ll be fine,” Levi snaps, pushing his chair out and storming into the kitchen. I excuse myself and follow him. His hands are pressed to the bench, his head down. I approach him with caution.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t consider how it would make you feel.” I place my hand on his back, I can feel him taking rapid breaths, indicating anger. He turns around abruptly, making me back up against the adjoining counter as he stalks towards me. He slaps his hands down, one each side of me, his green eyes looking down on me.

“Don’t ever be scared of me. I would never hurt you,” he whispers. “You’re changing all of us more than you know.” His head drops down and rests on my shoulder. I run my fingers through his hair.

“I’m not scared of you Levi, I…” His head lifts and our eyes lock again. “I need you.” I was going to say I need you all as much as you need each other, but the look in his eyes as he leans in stops me. I don’t have time to process what is happening, and he must see the confusion in my eyes because instead of kissing me, he rests his forehead on mine.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to turn this into something it’s not, it’s just the only way I know how to deal with things. All of us, except Maximus, turn to girls for comfort in the wrong ways. I would never use you that way.”

I can’t say I wouldn’t have kissed him back in the moment, though I may have regretted it later. I need to see my therapist and ask how to deal with having male friends with all these hormones and moments we keep having. Not to mention the awful feeling of jealousy. I have no reason to be jealous of them with other girls, yet it feels like a knife to the heart.

Being a teenager sucks. I wonder if it gets any easier?

For a brief moment, it occurs to me I could have a boyfriend somewhere out there, but even if I did, I doubt he could live up to the amazingness of these five guys who’ve taken hold of my life in the best way.

“What are you thinking about? You went all quiet.”

“Hormones, how we deal with them and the possibility I could have a boyfriend,” I say honestly, leaving out the fact he would never compare to them.

He laughs, a deep throaty laugh. “Hormones are always fun, and I feel sorry for this boyfriend.”

“And why is that?”

“Because he now gets us by default. I don’t know any guy that would be cool with his girl having five guy friends who would protect her as fiercely as we would.”

“He would have to get used to it because none of you are going anywhere, you’re stuck with me.”

***

Once we are all showered and dressed for school, we say our goodbyes to Beth. I’m nervous about my first day. The uniform seems so formal; the guys are wearing black slacks and white collared shirts with the Edgewater emblem on the front pocket. Mine is a green pleated skirt with stockings, also a white blouse, and a blazer. Each of the guys is wearing a lace-up pair of leather shoes, each one looking incredibly handsome.

The nerves are full force when Mercer pulls into the student car park at the back entrance of Edgewater. When Levi and Rory park beside us, we all get out. There are many other students pulling in, some go about their business and head in the big black metal gates, others stop and stare.

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