Page 40 of Boys Like You

“No, I feel like the water is crushing me, it's that cold.” My teeth crash together as I try to talk.

I close my eyes and a memory hit me like a ton of bricks.“He’s dead.” I scream, I don’t see anything besides my own hands covered in his blood.

“Rocky get her out of the water now before she gets hypothermia.” I’m brought back to the present at the sound of Levi’s voice. All four of them are standing on the edge of the huge rock watching me.

“Get on my back, I’ll swim you in.” Rocky says and I use the closeness of his body to ease my anxiety. To tuck away the small part of my old life that has resurfaced.Did I kill someone? Is that how I ended up almost dead?

Mercer and Levi pull me up onto the rock. The breeze feels like it’s cutting into my skin like a knife, making me feel worse.

They all start fussing over me. Mercer removes his zip-up jacket to cover my half naked body.

“We need to take her wet clothes off first,” I hear Rocky say. The others almost chew him a new asshole for egging me on. While they argue, I turn my back, remove my bra and slip my shirt on. I do the same with my underwear.

“Sweet baby Jesus, JD, warn a guy before you strip,” Mercer says. When I button my pants up, I turn to see all five guys with their backs to me.

“It’s safe to turn around now, I’m dressed.” I laugh, pushing away all thoughts of dead bodies.

They all turn around, eyes wide. “Not safe, JD, not safe at all.” Rocky gestures to my chest where my nipples are rock hard and jutting out. Mercer passes me his jacket.

When Rocky is dressed we head back to the cars with me laughing all the way. I’m made to walk so it will raise my body temperature. They snap a few pics as I reach the top, triumphant. I almost don’t want school to start in a few days. I’m going to miss making new memories with these guys.

It’s the last night before school goes back, and as per usual, we’re spending the night at Mercer’s. Mr Cole goes all out, and up until this year, we used to all ride together in a mini-van and Mr Cole would sing show tunes or Beyoncé at the top of his lungs as we arrived. This year there is no mini-van but he’ll still drive us, singing his songs loudly. I think most people are used to it now, so it doesn’t shock them.

I had a therapy session yesterday to prepare me for school; my parents freak out thinking because I rarely talk to anyone besides my friends that I don’t cope. I do just fine. Sure, some idiots throw nasty comments my way, but when they realise I’m still capable of defending myself, they tend to back off. People don’t understand why I don’t speak; they just assume I can’t. Still to this day my Bio teacher talks to me really loud, maybe thinking I’m deaf, but I just go along with it.

Of course, I wish I could communicate with others like the rest of the guys can. The last two years have been particularly hard with my new interest in the opposite sex. Before I started noticing them, I liked being the mute kid. That’s not to say I didn’t ever try, because I did. My throat just closes over though, and I have panic attacks and occasionally pass out. The guys are the only people I can freely talk around. I’m told they’re my safety net.

When I first went to Mumma B’s, and it was just me and Levi there, he would hold me through my nightmares. When Rocky joined us with his massive energy, bouncing off the walls, Levi would get mad, but he made me happy inside. Before him, I don’t know if I ever felt that emotion. At six years old I had never felt happiness. One by one the boys all arrived, and we each had our troubles to deal with, and together, we got through them. We’ve been thick as thieves ever since.

And then JD came along, and she is changing everything, for the better. We have relied on each other so much for ten years, each being the other’s saviour. But with her, it’s like she is the missing piece to our healing. We finally have the chance to do the saving. I’m smart enough to know that isn’t healthy, and yet I don’t care.

I love that she doesn’t need me to talk to her. She gets me, never once looking at me like I’m an idiot. I find myself wanting to talk to her like I do the guys. I haven’t tried yet, but I want to. I also like to touch her, in a non-creepy way. Aside from Levi holding me when I’m worked up, I’ve never had physical contact with others. I’ve never wanted to either until now.

We have set up our sleeping bags in the Cole’s living room. It’s a tight fit the older we get, even for me who’s just average size and not anywhere near as big as the others. What I lack in muscles and good looks though, I more than make up for in brains.

“Remind me again why we didn’t invite JD? I thought she was one of us now.” Rocky is always the one to complain.

“Because sometimes I need to talk, and we need to make sure we are all on the same wavelength tomorrow.” When I talk, I feel such a relief in my chest. Sometimes it feels like the words are trapped under my ribs, trying to get out. They build up so tight I can’t breathe.

“I’m back, what did I miss?” Mercer announces as he walks into the room, throwing his keys in a bowl on a buffet cabinet. He just dropped JD home.

“Nothing. Was JD okay when you left?” Rory asks, bringing in a plate of food Carson left us. He’s been off lately, but none of us have pushed him on it since he just clams up and refuses to talk. We’ve found if you leave him be, he will come to us when he figures things out in his head.

“She was exhausted, she took one of her sleeping pills and was out like a light.” Good, we made sure to keep her out all day. We went shopping for last-minute supplies, we took her out to lunch, came back here and Mr Cole made her mocktails and sang karaoke.

“What is our plan? Mac has been sniffing around asking me to hook him up with JD every time we do morning training sessions together.” Rocky isn’t good in confrontational situations; he tends to just blurt out information.

“And don’t forget Naomi. I overheard her talking to Savannah about JD.” The one thing about being mute is people seem to forget you’re there. Makes for easy eavesdropping.

“Your sister better not say anything.”

“Levi, she would never do that, she knows what Naomi is like.”

“There isn’t much we can do about Naomi. Maybe hope a few of the senior girls like JD, I just don’t know who yet, we have history with so many.”

“What Mercer means is you four have slept your way through most of them.” I look over at them; the only one a virgin is me.

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