Page 62 of Boys Like You

“We should get some air, all this grinding is turning me on.” I lean forward and lick a trail up his neck. He shivers underneath me. “Maybe a few more minutes.”

My lips meet his, each guy has their own kiss, Rocky loves to use lots of tongue, Mercer is hot and heavy, Maximus is cautious, Levi it depends on his mood. Rory however kisses slow and soft like he wants to savour every moment he has with me like it may be his last, committing every movement to his memory.

“I think you’re right,” I pant. “We need to cool it.” We gather ourselves and get out of his car. It’s easier to keep our hands to ourselves if we have some air between us.

A few minutes later, the others arrive. Rocky had swim training with his dad this morning, so we don’t wait on him. Maximus links arms with me. I think he’s finally starting to feel comfortable enough with me now.

“Are you okay?” I lean in and ask. He shakes his head no. “Guys, I’m taking a walk with Maximus, meet you out the front of GD block for form.” The one thing I love about our relationship is we’re all in sync with each other, we don’t need to question each other. They can read my body language and I them.

I lead Maximus to a large tree down along the fence line. We both sit underneath.

“Did you have another nightmare?”

He pulls out his phone.

Yes, but this one was different.

I never text back; I just answer as if he spoke the words to me. “How was it different?”

You must have figured I was abused as a child; this dream was me abusing you.

“Do you think it’s because you thought you were rough with me?” He nods. “You know it’s okay if you like it a little rough. It doesn’t make you your abuser.”

He starts typing on his phone again, tears running down his face.

How can I like it that way after the way I was treated?

“I don’t know how to answer that. Have you spoken to your therapist?” He nods again, pulling me into his lap. This time he types the message and lets me read as he types.

Do you think it makes me broken?

“I think it makes you human. You have suffered so much in your life. To me you’re perfect. Would it make you feel better if I used the safe word if things get too rough? For your own peace of mind?”

Can we not use Jumanji? Maybe banana

“Banana it is, though I trust you with my life, I know you wouldn’t hurt me.”

I sometimes wonder if all the hurt and hate that has built up inside me will one day find a way to escape. They did vile things to me and it’s hard not to see it.

“We can go as slow as you need.” The school’s warning bell interrupts us. I stand and help him up. By the time we get to form class, the other four guys are waiting for us.

Levi approaches us first. “Is everything okay?” I think he gets a little jealous when Maximus comes to me. He’s trying to not show it, but it must hurt when someone relies on you and then suddenly goes to someone else for help.

“Yeah, we just needed a moment to talk is all.” I smile to try and ease his discomfort.

“Hey, who did this?” Rocky asks, poking me in the neck. All five guys are now surrounding me.

“Did what?” I feel my neck, and they laugh at me.

“You have a hickey and it’s kinda big,” Mercer says, trying to hide his smirk. I look at Rory and he just shrugs.

“People will think I’m easy.” I sulk, I have tried to avoid people finding out, Cindy always has something snarky to say, Naomi would have a field day.

We head into class and take our seats; we still sit in the second to last row. Mercer isn’t happy about it. Saul is about one class away from Mercer beating his ass, so I make sure Mercer sits next to me; I find a hand on his leg keeps him still.

“Nice hickey, if I knew you put out, I would have tried to get into your pants sooner.”

No amount of pressure on Mercer’s leg can hold him in his seat.

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