Page 27 of Boys Like You

“You’re just so much better looking than we are. Usually if we piss him off, he’s on that thing for hours,” Mercer says, standing and dusting off his black jeans. I can’t help but check him out in his skin-tight, white shirt stretched over his pecs.

I gulp. “That’s debatable.”

Mercer smirks at my obvious perving. Rocky leans in and whispers in my ear. “Just wait until the weather warms up.” He laughs at himself.

“Let’s go to the house while JD gets Rory,” Levi adds, standing.

I watch as Rory does a few more laps of the track before I walk out on to the centre, hopefully far enough back that he can see me and not run me down. As he approaches, he starts to slow down and comes to a stop beside me. I watch as he removes his helmet. “Did everyone leave?” I shake my head no. “Didn’t think they would, I just wish Levi would relax. It’s like he forgets. I went back to my parents and I stuck around.” Another good point.

“I don’t want to hurt any of you, and even if I do find out who I am, I’ll still want to be friends with you.” And I mean it. They couldn’t get rid of me even if they wanted to.

“So, you still want to come to school with us?” he asks.

“Yes. What’s the point in sitting around just waiting for my memories to come back? If I’m repressing my own memories because of trauma, sitting around trying to force them back won’t work.”

He holds out his hand. “Want a lift back to the house?”

I take his hand and give it a squeeze. I lift my leg carefully; I still have a slight pain in my ribs, but it has eased. I make sure to wrap my arms around his waist. He takes off slowly towards the garage.

I rest my head against his back and squeeze my arms tighter just as he slows down and pulls into the garage, taking in the slight lemon smell on his clothes. I decide I need to make an effort to get Levi to trust that I have no intention of hurting any of them, even if they drag me away at this point kicking and screaming. The only time I’ve been able to be away from at least one of them is at bed time, and I have pills that zonk me out for a solid six hours.

Once we go inside, Rory’s housekeeper has lunch set up. We spend the rest of the day watching movies on Rory’s massive TV. He and Levi seem a bit tense, but I sense maybe there is something else going on between them. I haven’t known them long enough to pry, so I just enjoy my time with them before the hours click down and I have to go back to Beth’s. The rational side of me knows they need to spend time with their families too, but the irrational just wants to be around them all the time.

As I sit in my therapist’s office and wait for my appointment, I start tapping my leg. Maximus decided to hang out with me today, since the others all had either family things to take care of or work. Tonight, we’re all going bowling where Rocky works part time. I don’t even know how he has the time.

Maximus places a hand on my leg to stop the tapping. He holds out an ear bud, and I place it in my ear. He skips the song to one by Post Malone, because he knows I like his songs. I don’t understand why girls are not throwing themselves at Maximus; he’s adorable with his big puppy dog eyes and thick lashes behind his big black-rimmed glasses. His curly hair is just long enough it falls across his glasses at times and he has to flick the hair from his face. His smile lights up his entire face when a song he loves comes on. Sometimes I forget he doesn’t actually talk; we speak more through actions and songs.

“JD,” a young woman says when she opens a door in the hall right next to where we are seated.

“We will be right here when your appointment is over,” Beth assures me. I give Maximus the ear bud back. His fingers linger above my hand longer than needed. I smile and take a deep breath before I spin towards the lady. I can do this. It’s only one hour and everything will be fine. She will tell me I’m not crazy.

Her office reminds me of Rory’s house; everything is white except the few fake plants she has placed in the corner of the room.

“Take a seat,” she says, pointing to a recliner. She sits in one identical. The table between us is small and round, and she places her notepad and pen on it before looking up at me. “My name is Lena. I have read your file, and I also spoke with your doctor. I want to go over your memory loss and how you feel about that, and we will cover things to expect.” She keeps talking and talking. I tune out for a minute. “Okay, now the boring stuff is out of the way, how about you tell me about you since you have woken up.”

I pull my legs up and put them under the jumper I borrowed from Maximus. “I don’t know how to answer that,” I say honestly.

“What have you been doing? Feeling? Anything really. I want to get a sense of where your head is at.” She picks up her pen and paper, placing them on her lap. Her blonde hair is short and frames her face. She wears a pants suit minus the jacket, and her white blouse shows enough cleavage to be classy and not trashy. She seems really young for a therapist and I wonder if she was chosen for that reason; to put me at ease.

“I woke up with no memory, as you know. There were five guys in my room. I was confused but more at why I didn’t freak out. That would have been a normal reaction, but I felt strangely calm.” Starting to feel anxious, I pick at my cuticles. Mr Cole is going to flip when he gets a look at the damage I’m doing.

Lena doesn’t push me to talk, she just sits and waits for me to continue.

“When I had my first anxiety attack, Mercer calmed me down just by holding my hand and speaking to me. They’re all so sweet. They seem to have this knack for knowing when I’m anxious. I don’t know if that’s why, but I feel strange when they’re not around.”

“Do you think you have attached yourself to them because they saved you?” she asks.

“Wouldn’t someone who has been through trauma bad enough to cause them to forget who they are actually have the opposite effect? Because a few people I have met have made me uncomfortable. I feel panic set in.”

“Every case is different. I’ve heard of people with the same dissociative amnesia who have moved, gotten new jobs and started a new life and one day they remember their old self and forget why they are where they are.”

“So what you’re saying is, I could forget the guys?”

Her eyes go wide. “This is a case by case basis. Let’s take it one step at a time.” I nod. “How are your injuries healing?” she asks, changing the subject when she notices my agitation.

“Really good. I’m still a little swollen in my face, not that you can tell. Mr Cole - Mercer's dad showed me how to conceal them. He also gave me a makeover.”

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