Page 20 of Neighbors With Benefits

Cat: I’ve never freaked out about anything in my life.

Me: That’s a lie.

Cat: I promise I will stay cool.

Me: That’s another lie.

Cat: Fine. I will TRY to stay cool, but will probably still lose my shit. Now are you going to tell me or what?

Me: Aiden and I almost kissed.

Cat: WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT-FUCK JAZZ

Cat: YOU ALMOST KISSED YOUR HOT NEIGHBOR?

Me: You said you would be cool!

Cat: I PROMISED TO TRY. I DID TRY, AND I FAILED. AND NOW I CAN ONLY SPEAK IN CAPS-LOCK BECAUSE THIS NEWS IS WAY TOO JUICY FOR A SUNDAY NIGHT!

Cat: OHMYGODWTFJAZZ

Me: Are you done?

Cat: No, but it’s time for you to tell me what happened. Where did this almost-kiss occur?

Me: My place about ten minutes ago.

Cat: Wait. What was Aiden doing at your place?

Me: He and Bash came over for dinner.

Cat: EXCUSE ME WHAT

Cat: Start over and tell me everything. I would call you, but I’m kind of on a date, so I can only text.

Me: If you’re on a date, maybe I should tell you later?

Cat: No way. I need these details RIGHT NOW. Besides, this girl is boring. We have nothing in common, so this date doesn’t matter.

Me: Why not just end the date early, then?

Cat: Because I’m still trying to take her home. She’s boring, but still super hot. You KNOW I’m gonna smash that gash.

After I stopped laughing, I spent a few minutes detailing everything that had happened: Aiden giving me the wrong phone number, confronting him when he was taking out the trash, and then inviting them over for dinner.

Cat: Too bad Bash went home, or he could have joined in and bashed YOUR gash

Me: I really hate it when you use the term gash

Cat: I know, that’s why I do it. But can you imagine? A threesome with those two neighbors?

Me: Sounds like the wrong number text I got the other day.

Cat: …

Cat: I forgot all about that! Did you text them back to mess with them?

Me: Focus! What should I do about the Aiden situation?

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