Page 39 of Pulse

“I have feelings all the time. I feel hungry, I feel tired.” She aimed a pointed look at Margo. “I feel annoyed.”

Margo laughed as she came over and hugged Talia. “Oh, honey, you need so much therapy.”

“Everyone needs therapy,” she muttered against her friend’s coconut-scented hair.

Margo drew back, still chuckling. “True, but some of us aren’t as stubborn as you are, and we are willing to admit we need help and accept that help.” She put her hands on Talia’s shoulders and steered her toward the small sofa in her office.

“I’m not stubborn,” Talia mumbled.

“Sure, sweetie. Just like I don’t have an online shopping problem and didn’t buy three pairs of shoes before I came in here.” Margo gently pushed her onto the couch. “Now, tell me why this has you stressed.”

She opened her mouth to tell Margo to forget about it, but that’s not what came out. “They’re all so close. In my whole life, I’ve never been as close to anyone as these people are to each other, not even my family.” Especially not her family. “And they aren’t even related. I just… it makes me feel…”

“Yes?” Margo rolled her hand as though encouraging Talia to continue. “You feel? Come on, T, use your big-girl words. You can do it.”

She scowled at her friend.

Of course, Margo wasn’t fazed in the slightest. She ate furious prosecutors for lunch, then went home to a pack of hungry children.

“You feel…”

“Ugh, shitty, all right?” she said with a huff that rivaled Margo’s twelve-year-old daughter’s. “It makes me feel shitty. Like I’m broken or something.”

“And why do you think that is?”

She threw her hands up. “I’m sorry, did you get a degree in psychology while I was off?”

A finger wiggled back and forth in front of her eyes. “Don’t get snarky with me, missy.”

“Margo, I’m not one of your kids. I don’t need you to teach me a lesson.”

“All right, look, I’m teasing you.” Margo grabbed her hands. “Mostly.” Her rueful smile erased Talia’s annoyance. “First of all, you are not broken, far from it. Talia, you are an amazing person. It’s okay to let other people see that. It’s okay to go out and have fun. It’s okay to want more and want what the people in that MC have. And it’s okay to stop punishing yourself for somethingyou had no control over. Something your father did more than fifteen years ago.”

“That’s not what I’m doing.”

Was it?She frowned.

“It is, but we can talk about that another day. It’s okay to trust. Not everyone, but you have a good head on your shoulders, T. You need to trust yourself first, then allow yourself to let others in. Once you do, you can have those close relationships you refuse to admit you crave.”

Margo’s kids were so lucky to have her as their mother. They’d never grow up fucked in the head and unable to connect with people.

“I have no doubt you can do this, and tonight is a great first step. Feeling nervous and unsure is okay, but you must stop holding yourself back.”

She cupped Talia’s face and stared at her with an expression too close to pity for comfort.

“You can’t keep letting your fear keep you from connecting with people. You deserve to have a full life. One where you aren’t lonely.”

“I’m not lonely. I have you,” she said, but it sounded weak even to her ears.

Margo’s only reply was a small, sad smile.

Every time they had a conversation like this, Talia’s stomach soured, and she fought violent waves of nausea. She’d been smack in the middle of a battle between her fears and her desires since before she understood what it meant to have daddy issues.

You’re such a cliché.

“Repeat after me.”

“Margo…”

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