Page 99 of Shadows of Recovery

He took a deep breath, trying to collect his thoughts. "I've been... managing. But there’s something important I need to talk to you about."

Ellen nodded, her expression attentive and compassionate. "Of course. What’s on your mind?"

Tristan hesitated for a moment before speaking. "It’s about Sophie. She’s been making significant progress in her therapy, and we’ve gotten closer since she came home. But... I’m worried about the prospect of being intimate with her after everything she’s been through."

Ellen leaned forward slightly. "I can see why that would be a concern for you. What specifically are you worried about?"

Tristan ran a hand through his hair, struggling to find the right words. "I’m afraid being intimate might trigger her. I don’t want to cause her any more pain. But at the same time, I want to help her reclaim that part of her life. I want to show her that making love can be a beautiful, safe experience."

Ellen nodded thoughtfully. "Have you and Sophie talked about intimacy?"

"Yes, we have," Tristan replied. "She’s expressed a desire to be intimate, but I can see the fear in her eyes. I just don’t want to rush her or do anything that could hurt her, especially after what happened when she attempted to force it. She was so afraid to admit she climaxed during the rape. I’m not ashamed of her."

Ellen smiled gently. "Sadly, many partners are. It’s good you’re talking about it. Open communication is crucial. Sophie needs to feel in control and safe."

Tristan nodded, absorbing her words. "How do I ensure she feels safe and in control?"

Ellen seemed to consider her response. "Start by setting a pace she’s comfortable with. Be patient and attentive to her needs and signals. Reassure her constantly that she’s safe and that she can stop at any time. Go slowly and let her guide the process."

Tristan chuckled. “All at the same time as reining in my desire.”

“I wish it was easier.” Ellen smiled warmly. "But your concern shows how much you care about her well-being. Trust your instincts, Tristan. You know her better than anyone. And remember, it’s okay to ask her how she’s feeling throughout the process. Make it your story.”

Tristan nodded. "Thank you, Ellen.”

Ellen’s expression turned serious. "One more thing, Tristan. Be prepared for setbacks. Healing isn’t a linear process. There might be times when she pulls back or feels overwhelmed. The same goes for you. You may have a period of impotence. Be patient and understanding with both of you."

Tristan took a deep breath. "I will. I just want her to feel loved and safe."

"With your love and support, she will. You’re doing great, Tristan.”

Thirty-Eight

That night, Tristan returned home, his mind still going over the day’s revelations. As he walked through the door, the comforting aroma of fresh bread greeted him. Sophie met him, her eyes smiling with warmth and affection.

"Hey," she said softly, stepping aside to let him in. "I made roasted chicken and dumplings for dinner. And chocolate chip cookies for dessert."

Tristan's heart swelled with appreciation. "That sounds amazing. Thank you."

As they moved to the kitchen, she continued, her voice more serious, "In therapy today, I worked through what happened the first night I came home."

Tristan nodded, listening intently as she spoke.

"I talked about my other fears and doubts... like whether I’d ever be able to work as a doctor again," she confessed, looking up at him with a mix of hope and anxiety.

He paused, considering his words carefully. "What do you want, sweetheart?"

She took a deep breath. "Being a doctor is the only job I've ever wanted. But I'm scared."

Tristan reached out, taking her hand in his. "Give yourself time."

She sighed, a small, sad smile playing on her lips. "What choice do I have?"

He hugged her tightly, his voice a soothing whisper in her ear. "Trust yourself, Sophie.”

The evening was spent in quiet companionship, watching TV together. The warmth of their shared presence provided a sense of normalcy that had been missing for so long.

When they decided to go to bed, the memory of Sophie’s earlier revelation about her fears resurfaced in Tristan’s mind. She had been so vulnerable when she admitted she climaxed during her rape, fearing he would reject her because of it.

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