Page 42 of Guarded

No joke, seeing her this distraught alarmed him. But that she didn’t seem to know what was wrong worried him even more.

Briar continued to cry her silent tears, the occasional hitching gasp escaping despite her best efforts to stifle them. He could feel her fighting to stop, feel her battling for control. He didn’t know what the hell to say or what to do except hold her until she was finished.

Finally, the gasps stopped and turned to shuddering sighs. He relaxed his grip, stroked her long, gorgeous hair. It was like she was broken. Why was she so sad? “Okay. Now talk to me,” he demanded in as gentle a tone as he could manage considering his concern.

Briar groaned and sat up, impatiently wiping her face with her hands, avoiding his gaze and his words.

No way. He wasn’t letting this go. If she was fucking crying, whatever it was, was bad. “Briar. Tell me what’s wrong.” He’d fix it. Kick someone’s ass for her. Slay dragons. Anything to make this better.

She shook her head. “I don’t know,” she repeated in a lost tone.

“Well something is,” he said in exasperation. “Is it… Are you overtired? Or sore? Getting sick?” An infection from the operation, or maybe the start of mastitis. He put a hand to her forehead, frowned. Her cheeks were flushed, but she wasn’t warm.

She looked at him, those piercing dark eyes puffy and swollen, so full of misery and heartache it stunned him. “You really wanna know?” She raised one eyebrow, almost in defiance.

Matt weighed his options, trying to figure out how best to handle this. “Yes. What’s going on?”

She inhaled deeply, let it out nice and slow, and her expression hardened. “Fine. I’ve been sitting here for the past two hours holding our daughter, and thinking the same thing over and over. I can’t get it out of my head.”

“Thinking what?”

The hard edge to her expression faded, replaced again by a deep sadness that scared him a little. “That we brought this baby into the world, and now because of our selfishness, she’ll have to suffer and die one day,” she finished, her voice catching on the last few words.

Matt stared at her in disbelief, not knowing how he was supposed to respond to that. “What?” he said finally.

She shrugged, lifted a hand in a helpless gesture. “I know. I know it’s stupid, but it’s all I can think about.” She swallowed, seemed to fight for her composure for a moment before continuing. “I hold her and look down at her sweet, innocent little face, and all I can think about is how much she’ll suffer at the end, and it’s all our fault.”

Holy. Shit.

Matt tried not to gape at her. He really did. But Jesus Christ, that was so out there he didn’t know what to think. Other thanclearlyshe wasn’t doing well. At all.

He glanced at Rosie, sound asleep in her bassinet, and made a snap decision. “Okay. Up you get.” He stood, scooped her up in his arms and started for the stairs.

“Where are we going?” she said, pushing at his shoulders.

He ignored her, tightened his grip and kept going. “Upstairs. I’m putting you to bed.”

“I don’t need to go to bed—”

“Yes, you do. You’re totally exhausted and you need to sleep.” He stopped on the bottom stair and searched her eyes. He hated that sad, haunted look in them. “Honey, you’re done in. Let me look after Rosie while you get some sleep. You’ll feel way better when you wake up.” He hoped.

Her shoulders drooped and she put her head on his shoulder, almost in defeat. But she allowed him to take her upstairs where he pulled the covers back, settled her under them and then literally tucked her in. “Just sleep,” he whispered, bending to kiss her forehead. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” She reached for his hand, held tight for a long moment before letting go.

Matt closed the door and headed back downstairs, his thoughts churning. He hadn’t noticed anything was wrong until tonight. Had he missed the signs? She hid things so well. But thinking about Rosie suffering and dying one day? That wasn’t normal, was it? She wasn’t even three weeks old yet.

He stood in the living room, hands on hips, and decided he needed backup on this one. Phoning Briar’s doctor seemed premature right now. Calling his mom was out. This was too personal and Briar would freak if he told his mom.

Schroder was a medic, and a new dad. Matt could talk to him, get his opinion without giving too much away. But Taya and Briar were close. If Schroder told Taya, she would be on their doorstep first thing tomorrow morning to talk to Briar about it. Nope.

Blackwell. He and Summer had been through a lot of tough times and emotional upheaval on their journey to finally becoming parents, and they’d finally had Sam last year. Maybe they would have some insight, or at least know something he could do or say to make Briar feel better.

Careful to keep his voice down, he sat on the couch close to the bassinet and called Blackwell. “Hi,” Matt said when the other man answered. “I just got home and…”Found my tough as nails wife having an emotional breakdown.“Do you have a minute to talk?”

“Sure,” Blackwell said, sounding surprised. “What’s up?”

He kept his voice down, making sure Briar couldn’t hear him from upstairs. “You and Summer went through a lot together before Sam came along.”

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