Page 11 of Guarded

Briar fiddled with the end of the dishtowel in her hands. “Do you think the others are suspicious? Maybe they noticed the coffee thing?”

“No. Don’t worry.”

Okay, good. She relaxed and resumed doing the dishes while Taya gingerly sank onto a stool at the island to feed the baby.

“Still a little sore down there,” her friend said with dry smile, draping a blanket-thingy for nursing over herself and the baby. “But I think we’ve at least got the hang of this breast-feeding thing now.” She flinched, shifted the baby. “Yep, he’s definitely got the latch part down.”

Briar frowned. She’d never thought about the mechanics of breastfeeding until just now. Would it be weird? “Does it hurt?” She hadn’t known it hurt.

“Yes. At least it has for me so far. But I’m told that will get better soon.” Taya waved a hand in dismissal. “You’ll be fine. Don’t worry, I’ll tell youallthe things nobody tells you about having a baby before it’s your turn.”

Briar glanced over at her friend occasionally as she washed up. The pure joy and contentment on Taya’s face as she looked down at her baby made Briar happy. If anyone had ever been meant to be a mother, it was Taya. In terms of parents, Hudson couldn’t have done any better. “You make it all look so natural.”

Taya grinned. “Do I?” She shifted Hudson on her shoulder, patting his back to burp him, and the baby emitted the most adorable squeak from under the blanket. “Well then, I’m glad. I’ve wanted this for as long as I can remember. But the truth is, as far as parenting goes, we all figure it out as we go, I think. Women have been having babies since the dawn of mankind, after all. We just know what to do because it’s instinct.”

Did she have those instincts, after everything she’d gone through? Briar wasn’t sure.

She watched her friend, wanting to talk more but unsure if she should or not. Confiding in anyone was hard for her. Even confiding in her husband. It took a conscious effort on her part to open up about her feelings, and she didn’t do it often.

Taya was so easy to talk to, though. And she was so freakingnice. So Briar pushed aside the nagging sense of guilt and vulnerability and opened up about the insecurities that were nagging her. “I hope I figure it all out when it’s my turn.”

“You will. Biology takes over. It’s amazing.”

“I hope so.”

Taya looked up from Hudson with a frown. “Wait, are you really worried about it?”

Briar lowered her gaze. Admitting something like this was hard because insecurity and self-doubt were forms of weakness. She despised weakness, had been trained never to show it. Ever. And if she had, she’d been punished in ways that made her never want to do it again.

“My training…changed me. Inside and out. They took all the softness out of me.” She barely remembered her own parents, or the love they must have given her. She didn’t want to find out there was none left when the baby came.

Taya made a distressed sound, her expression turning to outrage. “Of course there’s still softness in you. I wish you could have seen your face when you held Hudson earlier. Even Carm saw it. And then there’s the way you look at Matt. The way you treat him, and the rest of us. There’s a lot of softness inside you. I also can’t imagine any mother being more fiercely protective of their baby than you will be.” She shook her head slowly. “You have such a capacity for love, Briar. You just need to trust yourself more.”

I don’t know if I can.The niggling thought sent a cold shock of dread through her. She forced a smile anyway. “Working on it. It’s all good, I’ve got lots of time before my little one makes an appearance.”

Hopefully by the time the baby came, she would have figured it all out. She was smart, and strong. She could handle it.

After hugging Taya goodbye and giving Hudson a kiss on the top of his dark-haired little head that smelled of baby shampoo, Briar headed home. A few minutes later, her cell rang with Trinity’s distinctive ringtone. Returning Briar’s call from earlier.

“Hey, you home right now?” Briar asked her.

“Just got in. Where are you?”

“On my way home from Taya’s.” She hesitated a moment. “Can I drop by for a bit?”

“Sure. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s good. I’ll be over in ten.”

Trinity opened the front door wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a ruby red tunic that hugged every gorgeous curve, her shiny black hair curling loose around her shoulders. “Long time no see,” she said, wrapping Briar up in a hug.

“Yeah, it has been. You just get home from a trip?” Trinity did contract work for the NSA now, courtesy of Rycroft recruiting her. Nothing as invasive or dangerous as what she had done before, though.

“Work thing,” Trinity said, leading her into the living room where she sank into an oversize chair and curled her legs up beneath her. “So? To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Briar sat on the couch across from her, unsure how to begin. “Well… I’m pregnant.”

Trinity’s face froze, then her eyes widened in shock. “You are?”

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