Page 31 of Fast Justice

Her quiet footsteps faded on the hardwood floor of the hallway. Had she had a nightmare? Gotten a phone call about her brother?

He lay there another minute, wrestling with himself. If he was smart he’d stay the hell away from her. It wasn’t his place to be a shoulder for her anymore, but damned if he would leave her to deal with all of this alone right now.

Getting up, he snagged a pair of pajama pants and T-shirt from the closet, tugged them on, and walked down the hall to find her. She hadn’t turned any lights on but there was a faint glow coming from the kitchen.

He found her sitting at the table, her back to him as she opened something on her laptop, a stack of files set next to it. Working at this hour? After everything that had happened?

“Hey,” he said softly.

Rowan gasped and whirled in her seat, putting a hand to her chest. “God, you scared me.”

“Sorry.” He leaned a shoulder against the wall. “Couldn’t sleep?”

Lowering her gaze, she shook her head. “Sorry I woke you.”

“It’s okay.” He crossed to the table and sat across from her. She definitely shouldn’t have to work right now. “Someone call?”

“No. I just can’t sleep. I’d doze off for a bit, then my subconscious reminded me of what happened and jerked me wide awake again.” She closed the laptop, leaving them bathed in light from the streetlamps in the park that streamed through the edges of the blinds on the kitchen windows.

No surprise she couldn’t sleep, considering what she’d seen yesterday. She was so confident and composed all the time, it tugged at his insides to see her this vulnerable. Her white-collar world was totally different from his. She had no training or experience to help her cope with what had happened, and it had shaken her badly.

“That’s pretty normal,” he said in a low voice. “Seeing something like that happen to someone you care about is hard.” It never got easier, either.

She lifted her gaze, those sapphire blue eyes studying his. “How do you deal with it?”

“I put it in a box for later.” The Navy had drilled that into them relentlessly. Now, he did it automatically. And it had always worked for him. Until Rowan.

She pushed out an aggravated breath. “Well I don’t know how to do that. Unless you count burying myself in work as a way of compartmentalizing, and I can’t even concentrate on that right now.”

Malcolm leaned back in his chair, unsure what to say. Compartmentalizing shit wasn’t always healthy, especially if it wasn’t ever taken out of the box and dealt with. A box could only hold so much before it burst open and everything fell out. She needed to talk about what had happened, needed someone to tell her she wasn’t to blame for Kevin getting hurt. “It wasn’t your fault.”

Pain filled her eyes. “Yes it was. They were targeting me. It should have been me, not Kevin.”

The thought of her being caught up in that explosion, of lying so still and pale in a hospital bed right now sent a wave of ice through his veins. “It shouldn’t have been either of you. And Kev’s gonna be okay. You saw that yourself before we left.”

“I know, but…” She dragged a hand through her thick, glossy hair. “I just feel responsible. Like I should have known somehow.”

“Not your fault,” he repeated, stifling the urge to reach across the table for her hand.

It was hard enough keeping detached from her. Having her here in his space, just the two of them, looking so alone and lost…it was killing him not to touch her. But he knew damn good and well where he stood with her and had no desire to get his heart mashed again by opening up to her now and having her walk out of his life when she left in a day or two.

Elbows resting on the table, she rested her forehead in her hands, her inky hair spilling onto the wooden surface. He wanted to stroke his fingers through it. Gather it into his fist and squeeze gently until her head came up and he could look into the blue of her eyes. Make her look at him the way she once had. As if he was the only man she wanted, as if what they had together would last.

“I’m not going to be able to go into the office for a while, am I?” she asked.

“No. Not until we find out who was behind this and whether the threat’s over with.”

She groaned softly. “I’ve got so much work to get done, you have no idea. And how am I going to visit Kevin outside of the hospital?”

“Depends on where he goes after he’s discharged. If we can’t get you over there in person, you’ll have to make do with your phone or Skype for the time being.”

“All right.” She sounded resigned. Exhausted.

Silence spread between them when she didn’t say anything else. He became aware of the quiet hum of the fridge in the background, the sound of her even breaths. He should do something to help her get to sleep. Something that didn’t involve him touching her or being any closer to her than he was now. She liked peppermint tea, but he didn’t have any. “Want some water or something?”

“Sure, thanks.”

He got two bottles from the fridge, handed her one. She took a sip then set the bottle on the table and rolled it between her hands, the crinkling sound of the plastic becoming an annoyance after only a few moments.

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