Page 46 of Stand Fast

Her stomach muscles tightened with a mix of dread and anticipation but she answered anyway. “Sure.”

“Why are you so dead set against sleeping with me? I’m just curious.”

“You’re asking me this while you’re at eye level with the bottom of my boob?” she said with a laugh, trying to shake the tension. She had on her plain black bra, and wished it had some lace or something to sexify it.

One side of his mouth lifted in a half-grin. “I guess I am, yeah. It’s a damn nice view from down here, other than the scrapes I’m cleaning.”

Her cheeks flushed. “Maybe it’s because all you’re offering me is sex, and I’m not that kind of girl.”

Now he looked up at her, his eyes alight with interest as they pinned her in place. “Why, do you want something more?”

She’d set that trap without even realizing it.

If she were smart, she would make a hasty tactical retreat and get off this shaky ground. It didn’t matter if she wanted more than sex from him, or that she liked him enough to want a relationship. It couldn’t happen.

“Stop looking at me and I’ll answer your first question.” When he did, she pondered her response for a moment, and ultimately decided just to be straight with him. “Like I told you, I came from a fairly conservative home. And so I was raised to be a good, modest girl.”

Thankfully he kept his eyes on her scrape as he answered. “Meaning, no sex before marriage.”

He didn’t sound judgmental, so she relaxed a little more. “Right. But as you know I’m the black sheep, and what’s a black sheep without a checkered past to go with it, right?”

He paused to look up at her again but she frowned and waved him away, exasperated. “If you really want me to answer the question, will you at least not look at me while I do? It’s hard enough as it is.”

“Sorry.” He went back to his work, a slight grin tugging at his mouth. God, he smelled good. “Go on.”

She cleared her throat. “There was a guy, in college. I met him in third year. By this time I was in full rebellion and independence mode, determined to blaze my own trail in the world. Of course I thought I was way smarter than my parents, and so their rules and expectation about me staying a virgin until I got married were archaic.” She paused a moment. “He was a good person and he treated me well. We’d been dating for about six months, I guess. I thought we were in love. Or rather, at least I thought I was in love with him.”

He stopped wiping at her side, which was a relief because it was stinging like hell. She fought not to squirm. “But you weren’t?” He leaned closer still and blew on the scrape gently, and the intimate action sent her thoughts up in a cloud of smoke, leaving her frantically chasing after them.

“I didn’t figure that part out until after we slept together a couple times.”

Zaid didn’t say anything else, no rebuke or smart remark, and his silent absorption of her story allowed her to continue.

“Suffice it to say, the whole experience was a massive disappointment for me. Wasn’t at all how I thought it would be. It was awkward and not pleasurable in the least.” She’d felt completely cheated, and then wondered if something was wrong with her.

Zaid eased back and resumed wiping with the antiseptic pad. “Pretty sure my first thought the exact same thing,” he said in a dry voice. “Takes guys a while to figure out what they’re doing.”

Oh, but I bet you’re more than willing to put the effort in to learn. Jaliya smiled at the top of his head. “I doubt it was anywhere near as bad as my experience.” She sighed, mentally shaking her head at her twenty-year-old self. “I felt terrible about it afterward. The guilt was way worse than I thought it would be. Part of me was convinced I’d sealed my fate in hell. The other was horrified that I’d given my virginity to a man who I not only wasn’t married to, but who I really didn’t love.”

But the worst part by far was admitting that her parents had been right about warning her not to sleep with him. She hated it when they were right and pulled the whole,we tried to warn you but you wouldn’t listenroutine.

“You were how old?” Zaid asked.

“Old enough to know better. Anyway, I vowed to myself after I broke up with him that I wouldn’t have sex again until I got married. Then my dad started shoving guys he’d hand-picked at me, and I hated it. So I also swore I wouldn’t date a Muslim guy ever again.”

He glanced up, his eyes brimming with humor. “So basically you’re telling me I have no prayer.”

She smiled at him, fighting the urge to stroke her fingers through his short hair. “None.” But it was a lot of fun to imagine what it would be like with him. To imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with him.

He made a low sound. “Well. Lucky for me, I pretty much ignore the odds when they’re stacked against me.”

A thrill raced through her at his words. It made no sense, considering what she’d just told him. But oh, she loved the idea of him wanting her enough to pursue her and not give up. Though she was having a hard enough time convincing herself to keep her distance as it was. “Is that lucky?”

His gaze flicked up and caught hers, and for a moment her heart faltered. “I think so. For the both of us. And for the record, I never said I only wanted sex. You assumed that part. It’s a bad habit of yours, apparently, assuming things. You should work on that.”

Okay, he had her there.

She opened her mouth to respond but the look on his face stopped her cold. Staring into her eyes, he took her right hand in his, and slowly raised it to his lips, killing whatever response she might have made.

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