Page 18 of Reclaimed (Hostage Rescue Team)

Unbidden, a flood of images bombarded her, all the terrible things they might do to her when they came for her. She locked the thoughts away and gave herself a stern talking to.

This was not the time to allow her imagination to run wild. Panicking about what might happen was only going to make the situation worse.

She mentally shook herself, dug down deep for her diminishing reserves of courage. Whatever came, she had to be strong if she was going to survive this.

She’d already overcome so much. Shehadto get through this and find her way back to Adam somehow.

It made her think of his surprising reaction one day after a counseling session a few months ago, back when everything had looked hopeless.

I’m not letting yougo, he’d told her fiercely, holding both her shoulders as he stared into her eyes.Ever. I’ll fight for you, no matter how long it takes. I won’t ever give up.

The words had surprised her so much, part of her hadn’t believed him at the time. She’d dismissed his vow, telling herself he’d only made it out of some misguided sense of loyalty to her and their marriage.

There was too much hurt on either side. Why would he want an emotionally traumatized wife who couldn’t give him a child and couldn’t even be intimate with him, when he was the kind of man who could have anyone he wanted?

Logically she knew the child part was more an issue for her than him, but the sex part definitely bothered him. Why would any man put up with that, let alone someone like him?

But now she realized he had fought for her the whole time, at least in his own way. He’d stuck by her, giving her space to find herself again and he’d gone to counseling both alone and with her. He’d hung in there while she struggled and scraped and battled to drag herself out of the bottomless pit she was in and for the longest time hadn’t seen a way out of.

In hindsight she recognized that no one could have pulled her out, not even him. She’d had to do it herself. After she’d done it, the hardest part was putting everything behind her, letting it all go. Forgiving him for his mistakes.

More, forgiving herself for hers.

The bulk of the damage had been done by the stillbirth. She’d retreated into herself, falling into an endless depression. Adam had tried to pull her free and she’d just retreated more. Then he’d become frustrated and angry, not understanding why she couldn’t “snap out of it” after the first few months had passed.

After that things had slowly improved, for a while. She’d forced herself back into the land of the living.

And then she’d suffered the third miscarriage.

She laid her cheek against her upraised knee and let the memory wash over her. Looking back, she’d made a big mistake in choosing to have their final embryo implanted. It had been way too soon for her emotionally, but she’d been so desperate to have their child and she couldn’t bear the thought of leaving that last embryo in the lab. With Adam’s support, she’d done it, and the pregnancy had taken.

For a few short weeks.

A little into her second month, she’d miscarried. And it had broken the will she’d struggled so hard to find again.

Logically it didn’t make sense. Even now, she couldn’t really explain it. Having a heavy period a few weeks after finding out she was pregnant was far less traumatic than what she’d gone through when she’d lost and delivered A.J. the year before.

And yet, for some reason it had extinguished the inner fire she’d managed to regain since the stillbirth, triggering all those terrible memories and sending her spiraling back into her own private hell.

After that she couldn’t even look at Adam without reliving it all. She couldn’t handle him touching her, let alone intimately. He’d been angry and frustrated by the setback and things had simply fallen apart.

He still waited for you, she reminded herself, still awed by it.

He could have bailed, walked out and served her with separation papers. A lot of men in his position would have. But he hadn’t.

Instead he’d waited for her to find her way back to him again. And in doing so, he’d won her back.

It galvanized her. They hadn’t gone through all that for nothing. There had to be a reason and she refused to accept that she might die now that they’d finally found their way back to each other. Her husband had fought for her then and he’d be fighting for her today. She knew without a doubt he’d be out there right now, searching for her.

And she also knew he wouldn’t give up. Not Adam. Accepting defeat wasn’t in his DNA. No matter what happened, he would find her and bring her home, one way or the other.

She just prayed he found her alive.

The thought choked her up so badly she had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from crying.

More voices brought her head up. Two men, headed her way. She swallowed hard. What did they want? Her heart rattled in her chest as they drew near.

Keys jangled. The cell door squeaked open.

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