Page 80 of Big Red

“I should have protected you, but I was weak. The day I saw you and your children in that grocery store, I felt like the biggest failure. The day Senior kicked you out, a little piece of me died. You were my baby. I should have chosen you. You didn’t deserve to have me turn my back on you.”

Paula begins to cry and so do I. I wish my mother would have come and apologized for abandoning me. Instead, the day I tracked her down, she told me the day she left me on my father’s porch, she didn’t have a daughter.

I was broken-hearted and distraught.

Red opens his mouth, and I can tell by his expression, he is going to let his anger speak for him. I place my hand on his shoulder and shake my head. He huffs before taking a deep breath to calm down.

“You should have. But you didn’t.” He shrugs before turning away.

“You’re right. And that’s why the day that I saw you, I went home and packed my bags. I didn’t want to keep living a life that didn’t involve my son. I filed for divorce and started therapy. I needed to figure out why, no matter how unhappy I was, I couldn’t leave Senior. After a few sessions of therapy, I learned that due to things that happened to Senior and me as kids, we were trauma-bonded. I’ve been working on myself, trying to be a better person.”

“You left Senior?” Red asks in disbelief.

She nods vigorously. “Yes. I had to file a restraining order, but we are in the process of a divorce. I know I did a lot of wrong in the past, but I just wanted to see if maybe we could start over. You don’t have to introduce me to your kids if you don’t want to. I… I just want my son back.”

These damn hormones have me bawling like a big-ass baby. Paula and I sit there waiting on pins and needles to see what Red would say. After a minute of silence, Paula sighs dejectedly. I want to interfere and tell Red to give it a chance, but I have no right to tell him how to feel.

This was his past and I have nothing to do with it. Whatever he chooses to do, I will stand behind him one hundred percent.

“W-well, I guess I should go. Again, I’m so sorry for not being the mother you deserved, Cliff. I wish you nothing but happiness. If you ever change your mind, just give me a call. I’ll be waiting.”

Paula grabs her purse and begins to walk away. I grab Red’s hand because I see it shaking. He appears to be deep in thought. I give his hand a light squeeze. His gaze snaps to me before moving over to Paula, who is almost out the door.

“Mom,” he calls out just above a whisper.

Paula whirls around with a gasp as she places a shaky hand over her gaping mouth. “Y-yo-you called me mom?” she sobs.

Red gets up and walks over to her before wrapping her in his arms. Paula breaks down as she returns his hug. Red’s eyes are shut tight as he rests his head on top of his mother’s while holding her close.

“I don’t know where we go from here, but we can take it one day at a time.”

Paula nods eagerly. “Whatever you want, son.”

After she calms down, Red walks her back over to me as I stand. “Mom, this is my fiancée, Alice.”

“Oh my God, it’s so nice to meet you.” Paula hugs me, rocking me from side to side.

We sit down and talk with his mom for over an hour before Red tells her we need to leave for work. Before she can leave, Red calls Cara into the room. He asks her to install a security system around his mother's apartment. Cara lets him know it will be done by the end of the day. Paula tries objecting, but Red tells her to let him finally protect her like he always tried. She doesn’t give any further argument.

I am so happy to see everything falling into place for Red and me. When I came here, I only wanted to escape the clutches of Declan, and I gained so much more.

My father always used to say there was always light after the dark.

I guess he was right.

Epilogue

BIG RED

THREE WEEKS LATER

Waking up before the sun has fully risen, I stare down at Alice as the sun's glow highlights her beautiful face. I don’t know what I did to deserve her, but I will cherish her for the rest of my life. I never thought I would fall for a woman the way I have for her. She owned my heart the moment I laid eyes on her.

To think, just a few months ago, I was a single dad of two, and now I was engaged with another baby on the way. What’s even crazier is that I didn’t want more kids, but now that I have Alice, I want at least two more.

My life is finally looking up in all aspects and I couldn’t be happier.

My relationship with my mother has been progressing every day. We have lunch at least twice a week, and I talk to her over the phone every day. She asked me to join her for one of her therapy sessions, and I agreed. She seems genuine in wanting to salvage our relationship. I never thought there would be a day where she would be in my life again, but I’m not going to linger in the past. Life is too short.

---