Page 63 of Big Red

No, no, no. This is so much worse than I thought. After all she’s been through, I added to that hurt and pain. I didn’t protect her. I let my past dictate my future with her.

The thought of going another day without her feels like my insides are being ripped apart.

I can’t imagine going the rest of my life without her.

“I don’t think I can fix this, brother. I said some foul shit. She may never forgive me.”

“You must have forgotten. Sara and I didn’t have a fairy tale beginning. I denied my feelings for her for over a year. Sara was about to start dating and had washed her hands of me when I finally pulled my head out of my ass. It's never too late. You’re just going to have to prove yourself.”

Bear walks away, leaving me to my thoughts. That year he and Sara were going back and forth with being together was a tough time. I witnessed Sara cry a time or two because of Bear. But in the end, he got his woman.

His last words replay in my head.

You’re just going to have to prove yourself.

That I think I can do.

I’ve never had to beg anyone for forgiveness, but I will get on my hands and knees for Alice.

Hands and knees?

An epiphany enters my mind. I know exactly what I’m going to do to get my woman back.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

ALICE

Leaving Red is so much harder than it was with Declan. I think about Red almost every second of the day. I miss him. Every day that goes by, it’s like another tear in my heart.

It doesn’t make any sense to me. I was only with him for a few months, and somehow, he’s put me under a spell. I feel physically bound to him.

Every time I hear him at the door asking to speak to me, it takes every bit of willpower I have not to sprint down the stairs and into his arms. I just want him to hold me like he used to. I want to feel the blanket of safety that only he can provide.

I just want him.

But no matter how much I want him, I have to do what’s best for me. Seeing that side of Red makes me think of Declan, and I don’t like it. Although Red has never lifted a hand to me, I won't stand for any kind of abuse, whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional.

I spent too many years being unappreciated and abused. So, as much as I love Red, I must stay strong and move on.

As I lie in bed stuffing my face, my mind drifts off to the conversation I had with the ol’ ladies and Will last night.

“Alice, I know what he said was wrong, but Red isn’t Declan. Everyone makes mistakes, sweetie. I’m not defending him, but I think you should at least give him the chance to apologize,” Will said.

All the ladies nodded their heads in agreement. They’ve been trying to convince me to give Red another chance for the past hour. I came here tonight thinking they would all understand why I’m shutting Red out, but it's been the complete opposite.

It’s safe to say the ol’ ladies are rooting for Red and me.

“It’s not that, Will. The way he spoke to me gave me flashbacks to Declan. He didn’t always strike me. Sometimes, he would get pleasure from tearing me down with his words. I can't go back to that.”

“That’s the difference between them, Alice. Declan got pleasure from it. Red was remorseful the second those words left his lips.”

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. He had me there. Declan never apologized. For anything.

Crystal laid a hand on my knee, gaining my attention. “He’s right, Alice. No relationship is perfect. You have to be able to forgive and admit when you’re wrong. Paul and I have been together for almost thirty years. Do you think it's been all unicorns and rainbows? Lord knows that man has tested my patience more than a few times.”

“But has he ever said hurtful things knowing the effect his words would have?”

“No, but he’s had his moments where he didn’t address me with the same respect I give him. But we always talked it out and came to a better understanding.”

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