Page 59 of Big Red

I know I went too far. I let my anger get the best of me. I can’t believe I just said that to her. Even though I’m pissed at her for lying to me, I didn’t mean it.

I love her.

“Get out.”

Alice's voice is flat as she stares at me with disdain.

“Alice, look I didn’t mean?—”

“I said get out!” she snaps at me.

Knowing I really hurt her, I decide to leave to give her some time to cool off. Honestly, I need it, too. Before I leave, I take one final look at her, and my stomach turns.

The look that’s in her eyes is one I’ve never seen before.

I might have just lost the woman I love all because I let my anger get the best of me.

Chapter Twenty-Five

ALICE

Lying in my bed for the fifth day in a row, I am extremely depressed and hurt. I can't believe the things Red said to me the other day. I never thought he could be so cruel.

It's like he took the blinders off my eyes. In that moment, he reminded me too much of Declan. He was always flipping like a switch when things didn’t go his way. I know this pregnancy wasn’t planned, and hell, I’m just as shocked as he is. But to throw what my mother did to me in my face was something I don’t think I could ever forgive.

A part of me doesn’t even want to. I have been down this road before. I refuse to waste years of my life on a man who can abuse me inanyway. I’m not the girl I was when I first stepped foot on this compound. I’ve found that inner strength I used to have before Declan.

I know my self-worth. And I won't let anyone make me forget it again.

I should have followed my first mind when I was resistant to pursue a relationship. I should have spent this time focusing on myself.

I don’t fully regret my decision to be with Red because when we were good it felt magical. My bond with Cindy and Colt is something I would never trade in for anything in this world.

That part hurts the most. With Red and I at odds, I don’t know if he would be receptive to me staying in their life. I would hope he wouldn’t interfere with that, but I know I have no say in the matter.

As far as the baby growing inside of me, I won’t keep Red away, but if he doesn’t want anything to do with it, then I won't force him. I’ll raise my baby alone. As I think about the life growing inside of me, I rub my stomach with a smile.

Despite being heartbroken over Red, thoughts of my baby quickly change my mood. Since the day I peed on that stick, all I can think about is if it’s a boy or a girl, what it will look like, and if he or she will be sweet like me or a hellraiser like its daddy.

I wish things had turned out differently for Red and me. I really thought he was it. The moment he spoke those vile words, I could tell he regretted them instantly. But I can’t… no, I won’t be with someone who can control their emotions. I don’t think Red would ever strike me, but there is more than one way to hurt someone other than physically.

That’s why I have to be done.

My cellphone rings. Picking it up, Cara's name flashes across the screen.

“Hello?” I answer.

“Hey, how you feeling?”

“Like crap. Why is it called morning sickness if it's throughout the whole damn day?” I huff.

That’s the only thing about this pregnancy that I hate. I’ve puked more times than I can count, my appetite is all over the place, and the pregnancy hormones are overrated.

One second, I want to call Red and scream my head off for how he treated me, and the next, I want to jump his bones. I know the next nine months are going to drive me insane.

“I’m glad I never had to deal with that.”

“Yeah, right. You have four babies, Cara.”

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