Page 4 of Big Red

It’s like he enjoys watching me become hopeful just to destroy me all over again. I know the monster I’m married to. There’s nothing he can say that will change how I feel about him.

The love I had for him died a long time ago. Nothing but dread and sorrow stirs inside of me now. This is my life and there’s no escaping it.

I offer him a small smile and nod.

The waitress approaches our table, and Declan grabs the menu.

“Hi, my name is Rose, and I’ll be your server today. What can I get ya?”

I don’t bother making eye contact with her. My job is to be invisible. Declan doesn’t like it when I look or speak to anyone.

“I’ll have the steak dinner cooked medium with a baked potato and green beans. She’ll have the Caesar salad. Do you have any low-fat dressing for the salad?”

I hear the sharp intake of breath. I peek up at the waitress, and my eyes bulge as she tries and fails to hide her anger. She’s looking at Declan like she just might poison his food. She gets herself together enough to grit out a “no.”

“Well, I guess the Italian dressing should be fine. It isn’t too fattening. I’ll have a sweet tea, and she’ll have water.” Declan dismisses her, flinging the menus at her. I don’t want to see the look of pity I’m sure is on her face, so I keep my eyes pinned to the table.

“I’ll be back. I need to use the bathroom.”

Once he’s gone, I take a peek around the diner. It’s pretty much a full house. My attention is drawn to a family a few tables over, and I can’t help but feel jealousy rising in me.

They look so happy.

I thought I would be getting a happy family of my own the day Declan proposed, but I only got heartache and disappointment.

“Alice?”

I turn and see one of my closet friends from high school. I almost jump from the booth to bring Oscar into a hug, but I remember who I’m here with.

No, no, no, no.

If Declan comes out here and sees Oscar talking to me…

Game. Over.

It won’t matter that Oscar has absolutely zero interest in me. Oscar has known he was gay since he was eight. Declan knewthis, but after arguing every time I wanted to go out with Will and Oscar, I gave up.

It was always easier to give Declan what he wanted.

“Oh my God, how are you? Wait till I tell Will I ran into you. He’s going to be so jealous.” He takes Declan's seat, and my heart beats erratically. I have to get him out of here. I miss my friend, but this will only end badly for the both of us. Declan has had many men who have talked to me arrested on fabricated charges.

“Please tell me you’re not still with that douche?”

“Umm—” I murmur before I’m interrupted.

“Actually, we're happily married.” The sound of Declan’s cold tone sends a shiver through me. Declan grabs onto my arms, roughly pulling me from the booth. “And we’re leaving.”

Oscar gets up in a rush. He looks furious. When he takes a step toward Declan, I shake my head frantically. “Please. Don’t,” I plead. No one can save me. I don’t want any more deaths on my conscience.

Oscar freezes and eyes me with sadness. My eyes fill with tears as Declan squeezes my arm hard enough to make me whimper before dragging me out of the diner. As soon as we’re out the door, his hand clamps down on the back of my neck in a bruising grip.

“I told you not to fuckin’ embarrass me, and what do you do? Invite a goddamn faggot to our table.”

I don’t bother trying to explain the situation. I know no matter what I say, he’s going to believe what he wants. Once we reach the car, Declan shoves me into the passenger door. I don’t have time to recover before his hands are wrapped around my throat, squeezing.

I’m losing air quickly. I grab his wrist, but I don’t fight back. Fighting back only makes things worse. My vision blurs and my lungs burn.

Headlights shining on us catch my attention. Declan is so angry that he doesn’t notice a truck coming to a screeching halt. Two women jump out and come racing toward us.

---