Page 57 of Big Red

After picking the kids up from school, they convinced me to go to the grocery store to get ingredients to make homemade cookies for their movie night with Alice. Their movie nights have become a ritual in our home at least three times a week.

As we stroll up an aisle, I make sure to scan my surroundings. With Chloe and Declan being MIA, I’ve become more vigilant. I have a gut feeling Chloe isn’t done. When she finally comes out of hiding, I hope she smartens up and moves on because if coming for my kids is her move, then it’s a deadly one.

I watch as Cindy and Colt throw all kinds of junk into our kart. They have everything from chocolate chips, M&M’s, peanut butter chips, raisins and so on. When Colt throws an enormous-sized bag of marshmallows into the mix, I decide to intervene.

“Is all of this really necessary, guys?”

Cindy turns around with a hand on her hip. “Dad, you know snacks are a must for movie night. We’ve never done cookies before, and we need options.”

I chuckle as she gives me her sassy little attitude before turning back to the shelf. I stand off to the side, allowing her and her brother to get whatever the want.

Growing up, my parents lived paycheck to paycheck. Sometimes, meals were skipped because my father was constantly drinking. My mom did everything in her power to keep the house maintained. She would go as far as to hide money because she knew he would beat her for any money he knew she had.

Once I became a father, I wanted to spoil my kids in a way I never was. I needed their entire upbringing to be different from mine. Chloe threw a wrench in my plans, leaving them behind, but I think I’ve done a pretty good job at giving them a great life.

As if the universe is in tune with my thoughts, I hear a voice that makes my heart drop into my stomach.

“Clifford?”

I spin around, facing the woman who birthed me. The day she chose to side with Senior over me, I couldn’t look at her the same. I already resented her because she never took us out of there. She kept me in a place where I was scared to close my eyes at night.

My love for her is why I stepped in that night I beat Senior. But when I walked out that door, it was like I had set myself free from not only him but her as well. Everything about them is toxic. I’ve called her a few times over the years. Part of me just wanted to make sure she was still alive.

Our conversations were never long. I always asked her the same two things. Are you okay, and is there anything you need?

Even though I didn’t care much for her anymore, she was still my mother. She wasn’t ever abusive to me. At one point, my mother truly loved me, but she loved Senior more.

“Paula.” Hurt shines in her eyes from me using her name. I would like to say that I care, but she lost the privilege of being called mom years ago.

Stuffing my hands into my pockets, I look over my shoulder to make sure the kids are still occupied.

I don’t want them to know who she is.

Paula gasps when she notices the kids. Her eyes water as she places a hand over her mouth. “Y-you have kids? How come you never told me?” she splutters.

Looking her up and down, I pinch my nose, shaking my head. She can't be serious. Even with a well-coated face, I can still see the black eye she’s trying to hide behind that makeup.

Not to mention, it’s ninety-eight degrees outside, so I know that scarf she has on is not a fashion choice.

I’m not surprised that Senior is still up to no good. What I am taken aback about is the fact that Paula is dumbfounded that I never discussed my kids with her.

“Because I never intended to bring them around you or Senior.”

Paula gulps before looking around nervously. “Look, I know your childhood wasn’t perfect, but?—”

“Perfect? That’s a joke, right?” I laugh. “Paula, my childhood was a damn nightmare. Instead of making the boogeyman go away, you laid in bed with him every night. Do you know how I felt watching you be slapped down to the ground time and time again? Do you know how it felt to feel weak because I couldn’t save the one person I loved? You’re right. My childhood wasn’t perfect. It was hell.”

Tears stain her cheeks as she quickly wipes them away. A few shoppers stare at us as they pass by. Paula takes a look at the kids before turning back to me.

“Cliff, honey, you don’t understand. Your father just gets a little angry, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me.”

Anger brews inside of me. How could she be this loyal to someone who treats her the way that he does? It’s not like my mother can’t leave because she’s stuck. Shechoosesto stay. That’s where my lack of respect for her comes in.

Biting my lip to prevent an outburst, I look away for a moment. After I feel calm enough, I speak my piece.

“If you say so. But the next time you start to question why I won't allow you around my children, just look in the mirror.” I pull her scarf down slightly, exposing the fingerprints around her neck. “Thatright there is it. I will never subject my kids to what you did to me.”

I walk away and gather the kids. They are still browsing over options, so luckily, my little tiff with Paula goes unnoticed. As we are checking out, I notice Paula watching us from afar. She looks crushed, but that doesn’t have anything to do with me.

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