Page 42 of Big Red

“If you don’t stop saying that… I fuck you, make love to you, but I damn sure don’t hanky-panky,” I growled at her.

Alice stares at me with wide eyes and a slack jaw.

“What?” I ask her.

“Make love?” she whispers.

Fuck, I didn’t even realize I said that. I’m not a lie, though. I’m falling for Alice, and I can definitely see her being the one. It doesn’t matter how much time I spend with her, it's never enough. I love waking up next to her and that pretty smile. I love how, although she is naturally submissive, she isn’t afraid to speak up for herself. Her bond with my kids is what really sealedthe deal. They still don’t know what’s going on between us, but they look forward to spending time with her just as much as I do.

“I mean, yeah. Doesn’t it feel that way?”

“Yeah, it does, but sometimes I feel like I don’t even really know you, Red.”

Frowning down at her, I sit up against the headboard before pulling her into my lap, making her straddle me. “How don’t you know me, kitten? We spend so much time together.”

“All I know is trivial things, Red. You never talk about your family, childhood, parents, or anything. Hell, I don’t even know if your parents are alive. You know everything about me, but whenever I ask about your past, you always change the subject. I figured you just didn’t want to talk to me about it, so I stopped asking.” She shrugs her shoulder before looking away.

I place my finger under her chin and bring her eyes back to mine. “It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you, baby. I just don’t talk about them. My childhood wasn’t a happy one.” I blow out a breath and pull her closer to me. “My father, Senior, was abusive. I can't remember a time when he wasn’t beating my mother. When I was younger, I would be so scared of him. One day, I tried to stop him, and he cracked two of my ribs.”

Alice kisses me lightly before resting her head on my chest. I wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her collarbone. “When we came back from the hospital, my mom begged me to never get involved again, and I was so angry. Here I was, her child with broken ribs, and all she could say was don’t get involved. I stayed out of the way as much as I could. As I got older, his beatings weren’t as frequent. But then, one night, he came home drunk and started beating her. I was seventeen and tired of watching my mom be beaten, so I beat his ass. The crazy part is I thought my mom would be so happy that I protected her. That she didn’t have to suffer by his hands anymore, but I was wrong. She yelled and screamed at me for hurting him. When Senior told me to getout of his house, she said nothing in my defense. Over the years, I’ve spoken to my mom here and there over the phone, but that’s it.”

Alice raises her head from my chest and wraps her arms around my neck. “I’m sorry you went through that. To have such a traumatic childhood, you turned out to be an amazing man. Can I ask you something?”

“Baby, from here on out, you can ask me anything, and I promise to always give you an answer.”

She smiled sweetly at me and kissed my lips. “Is that how you always know when Declan is affecting me in some kind of way?”

“Yeah. I know in an abusive relationship, you’re damn near programmed to eat, sleep, and breathe a certain way. When you do something, I want you to do it thinking of yourself and nobody else. For example, when we ate at the diner, you tried ordering that salad. You did that because that’s all he allowed. You didn’t even realize that you were still living like Declan had control over you.”

Alice sniffled and nodded her head. “You’re right. For so long, I didn’t have a voice. It was all about him. But with you, I feel in charge even when you're taking the lead. Does that make sense?”

“It does, kitten.”

We stare into each other’s eyes for a few moments in silence before attacking each other’s lips. I roll us over so I am on top and take her lips in a hungry kiss. Alice reaches down into my sweats and pulls out my hard rod. She jacks me a few times and breaks the kiss.

“I take it back. I think I can handle a little hanky-panky.”

I throw my head back, roaring with laughter, and proceed to fuck the word hanky-panky out of her vocabulary for the rest of the night.

Chapter Eighteen

ALICE

Today, I am so excited. We’re headed to the beach with all the brothers who have ol’ ladies and kids. A few of the single brothers are tagging along as well.

I haven’t been to the beach since the beginning of my relationship with Declan. Initially, he used to take me places all the time, but after a year or so, he didn’t even try. Looking back, I see everything clearly. He didn’t care once he felt like he had me. I should never have married him. I guess I was so caught up with him being my first love that nothing else mattered.

My thoughts cause me to quickly glance at Red beside me in the driver's seat. I am falling hard for this man. He truly treats me like a queen. I would have never guessed he had this in him the first time I met him.

Red catches me staring, and a smug grin spreads across his face. He winks and turns his attention back to the road. Discreetly, I eyed the kids in the backseat to see if they caught that. Thankfully, they didn’t. They’re too engrossed in their conversation as they talk about everything they want to do once we get to the beach.

We still haven’t sat them down to explain our relationship, and I am not ready to. I don’t have any doubts, but anythingcan happen. I remember all those times I grew attached to those women my father dated, and when they left, it felt like losing my mom all over again. I would hate to do that same thing to Cindy and Colt.

Once we arrive at the beach, all the kids exit their vehicles quickly. They’re bouncing on their feet, ready to get the day started. I smile when I see Madison and Bianca being helped out of their vehicles by their husbands. They’re both pregnant, and their men wait on them hand and foot. I am a little envious. I would love to have a baby of my own. But I know it’s not possible.

That’s a conversation I’ve been avoiding with Red. I’m grateful he hasn’t brought up my comment about being unable to get pregnant the first time we slept together. I don’t want to talk about it, but if he brings it up, I won't lie. He deserves to know the truth. I’m just afraid that once he learns I’m infertile, he’ll change his mind about us.

When I was with Declan, I used to be happy about the fact that I couldn’t conceive. I didn’t think bringing a child into the situation was the right choice. Now that I’m free of him, it's more of a curse than a blessing.

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