I nod, biting my tongue with effort.
He breathes deeply before continuing. “I watched you your entire life, never once thinking to intervene. But then your parents died and your pain broke my heart. I never made the conscious decision, but a moment later I fell. Not just from Heaven and my Maker, but I fell in love with you.”
I gasp, tears steaming down my face as Bowen lays his truth and his heart at my feet.
He smiles sadly. “But I also knew what your life would belike with me. I couldn’t protect you from the things in my world if I let you in,” he explains. “Not that it matters. You barged in, not leaving me with many options. Now here we are, and I did the only thing I could think of to keep you safe once we all bind ourselves to you. I took power that was never meant for me. I became death itself.”
“Fuck…” I mutter lowly.
“That’s an apt sentiment,” he replies with a chuckle. “I needed to go on a killing spree, murdering in the most violent and vile ways I could ever imagine. And then I had to be killed by some who felt nothing but pure love for me. All the stars had to align perfectly for me to have any chance. Unplanned but … opportune.”
He falls silent, staring at the dirt beneath his feet. I take this as my cue to finally talk.
“What does that mean?” I ask. “Do you need to leave?”
My voice breaks on the last word and Bowen lifts me into his arms, letting me straddle his lap.
“My beautiful girl,” he murmurs, rubbing away the tears I didn’t know were falling, using the pads of his thumbs. I risked everything—my heart, my soul, my life—to make sure I never had to leave you again. Lethe was created to be by your side for eternity. I was created to watch but never touch or interact. This is me changing my purpose.”
“You’re staying?”
“If Mana doesn’t try to kill me,” he says with a chuckle and an eye roll.
“Mana can kiss my ass,” I reply angrily. “In this whole mess, no one has ever taken a moment to ask me what I want. Well, except Asmodeus.”
“And what did the prince want in return for fulfilling your wishes?”
He looks genuinely curious about what choosing this lifecost me.
“I will work for him, doing what Mana does. I will corrupt and reap souls for him until eternity fades away.”
“And you’re happy with this arrangement?” Bowen asks, a frown creasing his forehead.
“It was the only way. It was my decision to make, just like becoming death was yours.”
He nods, smiling as he rubs circles on my back. The silence in the cemetery floods around us like a cloak. It’s weird because it feels electric, like a current is running through us over and over. I’m not scared anymore. No, I am excited.
“What now?” I ask, my cheek resting against his chest, his heartbeat silent.
“Whatever you want, Addi. I already gave up everything for you.”
“I want you to make love to me,” I say softly. “Just you and me, no one else. I want you to be with me and set our bond so no one will ever be able to get between us ever again.”
“Addi…”
“No,” I cut him off. “This is also my decision. I get to decide who I let into my body and when. And I want you.”
Shrugging, I allow the robe he covered me with to fall to the ground, once more exposing my nudity to his gaze. His finger travels along a red line that runs from between my breasts to my pelvic bones, a remnant of Mana’s earlier coupling. His violence knew no bounds as he fucked himself into me. Setting our bond for the rest of eternity.
“I love you,” Bowen says, drawing me in for a quick kiss. “Let me take you to Harken where I can make love to you in a bed.”
“I don’t want a bed. I want the real you.”
“The real me isn’t good enough for you.”
“And yet, the real Bowen fell for me, risked his soul forme, protected me, watched over me, gave up everything for me. I think I’m the unworthy one here.”
He stares at me in astonishment.