Page 29 of Please Remember

I just nod to him. "I feel like I'm not really helpful."

Story of my life.

"You were. You really were," Shields assures me, but I don't believe her.

Chapter Thirteen

Jax

"Are you okay?" Benji asks as I jump out of my pickup and hurry up to my front door. "Where's Allie?"

"With the cops," I say and unlock it, letting him inside. "I did something stupid. So stupid."

He stares with his wide, dark eyes. "What'd you do? And why is Allie with the cops?"

I try to force my brain to settle down. "She, uh, went with the detectives to try and find the house she was kept in."

"And you didn't go with as her personal bodyguard?"

"I couldn't," I say. "Being without her feels uncomfortable, and it makes me do stupid things. It's like I'm not even in my body anymore."

Benji forces me to sit on one of the kitchen chairs. The house wasn't built with a dining room, and the kitchen is very large to begin with. We have a square table pushed against the wall with only three chairs. When we hosted dinner parties, we had to split up and let people eat in the living room or stand while eating. It never stopped Allie from wanting people to come and spend time in our home, though.

"What happened?" he asks, pulling me from memories of countless dinners with our friends. Memories she doesn't remember.

"Laura wanted to talk to me."

He groans. "Nothing good ever starts with the name Laura."

"Do you really hate her that much?" I ask.

I know my friends weren't thrilled about my relationship with Laura, but I didn't think they hated her. If they did, I assumed they would have said something.

"Hate is a strong word. But she's weird, man. Always just there. Sometimes it's like she's a ninja because you're there, talking to your buds, and BAM! She appears. Most of the time she doesn’t even say anything, she just stares."

"Why didn't anyone say anything before?"

He levels me with a glare. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I'm serious. Why didn't you tell me you didn't like her?"

"Well, first of all, that didn't work when you were just friends and we were in high school. Second, you were moving on. We never thought you'd marry her, so we figured we'd let it ride, let you get some kinky sex because she seems like a freak in bed, and then you'd move on. When you proposed, we were kind of stuck."

I let out a chuckle. "You want to know how I proposed?"

"I already know. Laura told all of us. Over and over again."

Wringing my hands on the table, I shake my head. "That's the version she tells. I just let her run with it because of my guilt."

"Guilt?"

"She helped me set up the party that was meant for Allie when I planned to propose the night she vanished. It was elaborate and thought-out with everyone we loved involved."

Benji narrows his eyes. "I remember. I was there."

"Laura had brought up marriage a few times, probably more but I don't always listen around her, and I went out and bought the cheapest engagement ring at the store. I handed her the box one night and said something about how we should probably get married then. I thought she'd be offended considering what I'd done before, but she just acted like I'd proclaimed my love and undying devotion to her."

"If you didn't want to, why the hell did you?"

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