Page 25 of Please Remember

I reach up and turn his head back to face me, tracking the movement of his tongue as he runs over his lips. Taking my shot, I reach up and kiss him, my lips gentle at first, and when he opens his mouth, I know I've got him. His hands play with my tits, his fingers tugging and twisting my nipples. My body presses against his, and I feel his erection throughhis jeans. As we continue to kiss, I unbutton his pants and tug them far enough down to free him.

"Laura," he pants as I stroke him, his eyes closed. "Laura, we shouldn't."

Moving him to the chair by the bed, I guide him to sit, and I move to straddle his lap. "I know what you like. What you need, Jax. Let me take care of you."

I position him at my opening and sink onto him, and he hisses as I grind my body against his. Pulling his face into my chest, I give him what I know he likes—what I don't think Allie's given him yet. I know he can’t resist me. He just needs to be reminded of how good I can make him feel. How he never wants for anything with me.

His hands grab my hips, and I smile until he lifts me off him and sets me on the ground next to the chair. Jumping up, he tucks himself away and buttons everything back up.

"I can't do this, Laura."

Trying to hide my hurt behind a smirk, I say, "You might want to try telling that to the little Jax in your pants."

"Laura, it's over."

The finality in his voice makes me feel more exposed and naked than I am, and I quickly reach for my robe on the ground as tears spring to my eyes. "But I love you."

"I know."

"You gave me a ring and said we should get married. I planned a future with you, and you just toss me aside forher?"

His jaw twitches, but he looks into my eyes. "You always knew my feelings for Allie."

"But I'm here, too!" I cry. "I have feelings. For you. AndIremember. I remember everything about us since we were eleven years old, Jax."

A pained expression clouds his features as he looks up to the ceiling. "I'm sorry."

"I know you love me. You don't share what we've shared and not fall in love. It's not possible."

"In a way, sure, I do love you," Jax says and looks at me. "As a friend. As someone who was there for me for so many years. Like I said, when you suggested I move on with you because we're friends, it was as comfortable as being with someone else could be. But at the end the day, you were never going to be Allie, Laura."

My jaw drops as I let out a shocked breath. "Me? You're... this was just me?"

"You'd brought it up a few times, and I thought if I was going to move on with anyone like everyone kept telling me to, it would be best to find someone I considered a friend. Someone who knew about Allie and didn't need me to explain it. But if I'm completely honest, which I think I have to be, it never really felt right."

"Really? When didn't it feel right, Jax? When I was on my knees sucking your cock? Or how about when I let you fuck my ass? It felt right enough to let me make you come, but it didn't feel right enough to actually go through with the wedding?"

He sighs and shoves his hands into his pocket. "You were good, Laura. You made it easy for me to pretend I was happy and moving on with my life, but I don't think I was the only one pretending."

"I love you!" I shout. "I want to marry you. I want to be the mother of your children. To give you everything you want. In a marriage. In the bedroom. In life."

"You knew I was still in love with Allie. Don’t try and tell me you weren’t pretending as much as I was. If we’re being completely honest,we were both settling, and you know it. Allie’s back, Laura. She's back, and I won't let her go. I want her."

"And you don't want me," I say, furiously swiping away my tears. "I just don't understand why you proposed, Jax. It’s clear we’re on different pages; I suspect we always have been."

Sniffling, he nods. "We both know it wasn't a proposal. Not a real one. You'd brought up getting married almost relentlessly, and I gave you a box. It was a transaction, not a declaration of love. I told you at the hospital that I'd secretly hoped you'd find it so offensive you’d call things off. That's where I'll admit that I wasn't man enough to end it when I knew it wasn't right. That it—we— couldn't go anywhere."

"How long were you going to let this go on?" I ask, tears blurring my vision. "If Allie hadn't come back, would you have married me? You mentioned Vegas and eloping. There has to be a part of you that wanted to marry me."

"I wanted to get it over with," he says, and his admission feels like a knife to the chest.

"Wow," I say. "Would you have even shown up on the wedding day, Jax? Would you have married me?"

He shrugs and shakes his head. "I don't know. I honestly figured if you weren't going to go to Vegas and elope with me that you knew it wasn't something we were going to actually do. But then you started planning everything, and I was kind of stuck. I honestly don't know if we would've made it down the aisle. I know it makes me a total asshole considering how good of a friend you've been, but I don't want to give you any more false hope, Laura. I do care about you even though I don't think you believe that right now."

He's right. I don't believe it. "I always knew you wouldn't love me like you love her, but I never dreamed you wouldn't love me at all."

"I really am sorry."

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