Page 89 of Please Remember

He looks at me with so much fear in his eyes that I feel my heart breaking. "Do you still love me?"

"Only with my entire being."

He presses his lips against mine, and I know we're going to have an adjustment period as we both process everything. But it finally feels like this nightmare is over.

"You know what I just realized?" Benji asks.

"What?" Sage responds.

I pull away and look at him, and he looks confused. "She had Natalie listed as the maid of honor. She was somehow going to be the bride anda bridesmaid at the same time. Do you think she was going to have one of those dresses that's two put together and sewn in the middle? She could turn one way to be the bride and another to be a bridesmaid?"

Laughing, I pull him into my arms. "I love you, Benji. Please don't ever change."

"Hey, hey, your man is right here, Allie. We need to keep our love a secret around him."

Jax punches him as I release him, but he's found a way to relieve the tension hanging over us, and for that I’m grateful. "Shut up, dude."

"Howwasshe going to pull that off?" I ask. "Oh man, now I wish I would've waited to come back until the wedding because it's going to bug me."

"You shut up, too," Jax says, lifting me into his arms, but he smiles and kisses me.

This was a lot, but I think we’re going to be okay. We’re all going to be okay now.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Jax

Iwait for Allie to get home from her new job, and my hands sweat as I look around the room. Flowers, rose petals, and candles surround me, waiting for me to get on one knee and ask her to marry me. Considering what happened the last time I planned anything, I feel like I might actually throw up right here and ruin it all.

It's been a couple of months since we stepped out of the house she lived in for years, and her nightmares have all but ended. I'm not sure if it's because she finally found the one thing she couldn't find, or if it has more to do with the fact that Laura's locked away and can't come near her anymore.

My nightmares, however, have kicked up ten notches. I got the name of Sage's therapist because I can't get the images out of my mind. And the guilt of knowing the woman I almost married was the one who created this horror show was eating me alive. It still haunts me, but I finally feel like it's not my fault. I may have been the catalyst or the cause or whatever you want to call it, but it was nothing I could control. Even if I'd never befriended Laura all those years ago in school, thetherapist told me there is still a chance she would have fixated on me. That nothing I did likely could have stopped this.

Today is Allie's birthday, and she's coming home after work before we head to the bar to celebrate with everyone. Before, when we'd talk about our thirtieth birthdays, we imagined having kids and giving them to my parents for long weekends while we went somewhere fun to ring in our new decade. She wasn’t here for my thirtieth, but at least she is for hers.

It's still a struggle I have to come to terms with when it comes to all of the time lost. It's the current focus with my therapist. But regardless of where we are in our lives compared to what we thought we’d be, I know I want to marry her still. She's the one and only for me.

I had toyed with the idea of proposing at the bar with our friends and family, but the memories of having her never show up and disappear the last time I planned it made that impossible. In fact, I can't have her meet me at the bar ever again. She comes home, and we go there together. Hopefully, I'll get over the crippling fear, but I appreciate Allie's willingness to accommodate me. She doesn't fight it or make me feel anything other than me.

"Jax?" Allie calls as the door by the kitchen opens, the door she always comes in, thankfully. If not, all the candles would have fallen to the ground like dominoes. "Are you ready?"

"In the living room," I call out, my heart pounding. There's still a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that this is too soon for her.

Her auburn hair appears in the doorway, and her eyes widen in surprise. "What is this?"

"I love you," I say, forgetting the entire speech I'd memorized. "So, so, so much."

"I love you, too,"she says and walks towards me, the candlelight dancing around her. "This is so pretty. Is it for my birthday?"

Pulling the box out of my pocket, I fiddle with it in my hand, still not showing it to her. "You look amazing in candlelight."

Her eyebrow lifts. "Imagine how good I'd look naked in the candlelight. I'm already imagining how sexy you'll look."

"That might have to be our next adventure," I say.

"I'm not really a fan of hot wax though. Just to set the boundary right now. This is beautiful, Jax. All these flowers—"

Her words stop the moment I open the box and get down on one knee. "Allison Bennett, you are the only woman I've ever loved. I didn't know what love was until I met you, and I really learned what love was when I lost you. This is what I planned to do over seven years ago, and my feelings have never changed. Never wavered. Will you marry me and continue navigating this crazy thing we call life together?"

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