Page 39 of Please Remember

"Do you regret calling off your wedding to Laura?"

"Not for a second. I don't think I was going to marry her whether you returned or not. It was an experiment, as terrible as that sounds."

Nodding, she finally meets my eyes. "Why do you shy away from physical contact outside of my head resting on your chest? Do you see me... differently?"

"Differently how?"

"Like I'm not the real Allie."

"What?"

Tears fill her eyes. "Sometimes, when you look at me, I see the love shining through for the woman you knew. And then I see the pain and longing when I don't quite match up to the expectations of her. You hold me, and I know you care, but you don't seem to want to take it further."

"Do you want to take things further?"

She shrugs. "I don't know, but I feel we're in a weird place. I don't want to compete with a version of myself I don't remember, but I also don't want you to force yourself to find a way to connect to me because you hope Old Allie will return. I don't want to hold you back in life."

"You could never hold me back."

"Can I be honest?"

"Always."

Swallowing, Allie closes her eyes and lets out a sigh as though preparing herself for something terrible. "Sometimes... sometimes I'm scared it won't come back. That I'll be this version of myself forever, and I won’t be able to give you or anyone else what you really want. That I'll be a disappointment to everyone who’s waiting for the real me to come back."

I walk over to her and sit on the desk. "You are not a disappointment."

"I see the pain you feel when I don't know what you're talking about. When it's clear that I'm not the woman who was in love with you. I think I can fall in love with you again because I feel strong feelings for you, but it's hard because I know I'm not who you really want."

Closing the distance between us, I cup her face with my hand, and she leans her cheek into my palm like she used to. "I want you."

"Are you sure? I'm not saying I want to strip down naked and let you have your way with me on the desk right now, but any chance you have to initiate intimacy, you back away from. Like you don't really want that with me."

"I love you. Any version of you."

"I'm starting to develop feelings for you, Jax. Real feelings. But I also feel like I may need to protect myself a little bit because you may love me, but I'm not sure you'rein lovewith New Allie. I imagine this is what it must feel like when someone competes with an ex-girlfriend. Except, I am the ex-girlfriend, and that’s where my thoughts become this really complicated merry-go-round that I get stuck on."

She's developing feelings for me. It's not quite love, but it's more than she had when she showed up that first night. "I'm not going to lie and say I don't struggle sometimes. It is very strange to have the woman I love with every ounce of my being not remember or know me. And Ihold back a little. I'll admit that. But it's because I'm scared of pushing too far and making you think this was a mistake again."

Allie nods. "I can understand that. It's really overwhelming for me. All these new and old things coming together. And I seem to be, from what I've read, an overthinker. The kind of person who might read more into things than there are."

"Yeah, you've always been that way," I say with a smile. "But it's what I've always loved about you."

Lowering my face to hers, I press my lips against her lips, and it feels like I'm almost home again. Her hand reaches up to hold mine against her face as she opens up, deepening the kiss. Everything in me screams to strip her naked and take her right here on the desk, and my growing arousal is hard to ignore, but I know she's not ready. She told me so.

Pulling away, I look down into her eyes, and she slowly opens them back up. "Wow," she whispers.

"Wow," I whisper back.

"Was it always like that?"

"Pretty much."

"You totally should've kissed me sooner."

I laugh, trying to discretely hide the erection a simple kiss caused. Since the first time we had sex, Allie and I hadn't gone more than a day and a half without getting naked unless there were extraordinary circumstances or illness.

"You could've kissed me, too," I say.

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