Page 36 of Please Remember

"We thought you were pregnant right around the time we bought the house, and we were so excited. You made an appointment with the doctor," he says, his eyes falling to the table, "and they identified you have endometriosis. The scarring is so significant he said the chances of being able to get pregnant, let alone carry a baby to term, would be nearly impossible. You had eggs frozen to have ready when we decided we wanted to move forward with it."

Tears sting at my eyes, and I can't understand why. I hadn't even thought about having children until just now, so finding outI can't carry my own shouldn't be so upsetting. But for some reason, it is. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," he says, taking my hand on the table.

"I don't know why I'm crying," I say and wipe my eyes with my free hand.

"Because deep down you know how much you want to be a mom. The one benefit was that you said you didn't need to worry about birth control anymore."

Letting out a chuckle, I look at him. "I have a strange suspicion that I thought it might be possible. That we might defy the odds. I don't know why I feel that."

Jax's eyes widen. "That would be something you'd think," he says with a surprise laugh. "I never thought about that."

Moments like this give me hope that I'm still in here somewhere. That the memories will come back because I'll say or do something that feels familiar, and I can tell by Jax's reaction it is. Everything is in here, it's just a matter of figuring out what trigger will bring it all flooding back.

The waitress sets a basket of fried pickles in front of us, and she smiles warmly. She knows me. I don't know her, butsheknowsme. Granted, the town is already small, but my return has made the news and made me known to even the newest in the population.

"And I like fried pickles?" I ask.

"Love them. But give it a few minutes. You're going to burn—"

"Ow! Hot," I say after biting into one and burning the roof of my mouth.

“The roof of your mouth," he finishes. "Never did learn. Never will, it seems."

Grabbing the beer, I drink it, letting the cool liquid soothe my scalded mouth. I have to admit, though, everything he's ordered is spot on. I like it all. Especially the pickles, even if I can't stop rubbing my tongue along the rough skin on the top of my mouth.

"These are good. Hot, but good."

I eat half the appetizer and almost moan. "Good?" Jax asks with a smirk.

"I understand the comment about my firstborn child now. Pickles are a must in my life from now on."

"I'm glad you like them."

I push the basket away, my stomach feeling full already, even though I've started putting some weight back on. Some of the clothes fit better now, which is a plus. "So, what else can you tell me about us? Or me. Whatever."

Taking a pickle, he pops it into his mouth. "Um, we started dating when we were seventeen. You were the youngest in the class, and I was one of the oldest, so we're almost a year apart. I was your first real boyfriend, and you were my second girlfriend. My goal was to make everything worthwhile for you, so I went above and beyond. Set a precedence that I never could back away from. Flowers and elaborately planned dates. That kind of thing."

"Who was your first girlfriend?"

"Maria Peters."

I lock eyes with him and tilt my head. "Did I give my virginity to you?"

Nodding, he flashes me a knowing smile. "You did."

"But you didn't give me yours, did you? Maria was your first?"

He looks away. "Yes, she was."

"Did it upset me?" I ask, trying to understand the pain on his face.

"No, but I wished it was you. I thought I loved Maria, but it was very different from how I felt when I dated you. I always wished I'd waited. You said you were glad I didn't, though," he says with a smirk. "You said it made it easier because I knew what I was doing when you'd finally given into your desires."

"I guess, in a way, if we sleep together again, it'll be like I'm a virgin. I have no idea what I'm doing."

My words seem to affect him, and he shifts in his seat. "You were always good when it came to instincts."

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