Page 34 of Please Remember

When I enter the living room, I sigh. The pictures are still exactly where they've always been. "God, all the pictures are still up, too. Do you have any idea how it felt to walk in here, even before we were dating, and see Allie's face plastered everywhere? Everywhere I looked,I saw her staring down at me. Seeing proof that she had Jax the way I always wanted him first really pisses me off."

"What did you expect?"

"Not a damned shrine in the form of a house, untouched for seven years. She was supposed to be dead. How long was he going to live like this? With the reminders she was gone and never coming home?"

Tilting her head, Natalie looks around the room. "Maybe he put them back up when she showed up outside."

"No, I don't think so. They're all in the exact same place they were when I used to be allowed inside. I honestly believed he'd take them down the first night we made love. It was a stupid thought."

"No, it wasn't."

"It was. He'd come to my place, fuck me, and then he'd come home to stay in his Allie shrine. She wasn't coming back, so why the hell keep all of this?"

"She did come back."

I glare at my best friend. "Yeah, I'm aware of that, thanks. But she wasn't supposed to. Whoever did this fucked up. Leaving her alive only assured this would inevitably happen. Which is why I'm not so certain it wasn't Allie. I mean, who would capture her and leave her alive for seven years?"

"Jax?" Natalie offers with a shrug. "I mean, maybe things with them weren't as great as we all believed. Maybe he knew she'd turn down his proposal, and he didn’t want to be rejected in front of all his friends and family. But he loved her, so he couldn't bring himself to kill her. If she doesn't really remember, maybe she has no idea it was him all along."

"You think Jax could do that?"

"I think love makes people do crazy things. Maybe it’s part of his plan to get her to fall in love with him again, and when that happens, her memory won't really matter. And if it does come back, it’ll be too late."

Sitting on the couch, I let her words sink in. I never once thought Jax could have something to do with this, but maybe Natalie has a point. I mean, who would let Allie live besides him? Or someone who loves him, I suppose. But I can't see Benji or Drew doing anything like this. Unless they had a thing for Allie.Wow, talk about jumping down a rabbit hole.

"I mean, it's an interesting theory."

"Do you know how she says she got free?" Natalie asks.

"Something about a key. I didn't get much more than that," I say as I try to hold back my tears. "Everyone pretty much stops talking around me now."

Moving to sit beside me, Natalie wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me against her. "Talk to me."

"Jax kept all of Allie's things for seven years. Kept the house exactly the same, and I think I just realized, for the first time, he was never actually going to marry me."

"He proposed."

I laugh and wipe at the tears. “Not every man who proposes does it because he’s in love.”

"He loves you whether he wants to admit it or not."

"He's notinlove with me. Didn’t you notice how her side of the bed is ruffled? That tells me they're sleeping together. Jax has never been much of a housekeeper, and I don't know if Allie has taken that role on again or not. Which means they're probably having the most boring, vanilla sex in the world. She's getting everything I put somuch time into."

Rubbing my back, Natalie rests her cheek on the top of my head as I cry on her shoulder. "You don't know any of that for sure."

No, but I will soon enough."I was a forced rebound. Five years afterwards, but still. I thought it would hurt when he finally admitted he'd never love me like he loves her, but it's so much worse knowing he never loved me. All of this," I say and wave my hand around to the pictures in the room, "he'd never have done for me. If I disappeared without a trace, he may have participated in a search party, but he'd never lead it."

"Maybe simply having Allie out of the picture wasn't enough to make Jax fall in love with you."

I snap my head up to look at Natalie. "What do you mean?"

"That came out wrong," she quickly says. "Maybe, just maybe, he'llneverlove anyone like he loves Allie. Even though she was out of the picture, she was always out there still, you know. I think he held onto that hope.”

"That's really reassuring, Nat. Thank you. I feel better now," I say with as much sarcasm as I can muster.

Was I really hoping she'd suggest killing Allie? Doing what whoever took her before couldn't do? Because I don't think it would take much convincing to get me to help plan something.

"Look, I wish Jax loved you like you wanted him to. As much as I want that, I can't help but think that maybe it was better this all happened before the wedding."

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