Page 20 of Please Remember

I turn and force a smile before shaking my head. "No, I'm good. Thank you."

He leaves, and I know how difficult it is for him to walk away like this. I'm not sure what he expected, but jumping into bed with a virtual stranger, no matter how hot I think he is, seems like a lot considering I just ran through miles of wooded area and just learned my name a few nights ago.

Pulling the fluffy comforter down, I flick off the main light at the switch and climb onto the comfortable mattress. I spend a few moments just taking in my surroundings. The feeling of being on an actual mattress. A real pillow. Warm blankets. A window with closed blinds. A floor that doesn’t need rugs to keep my feet from getting dirty. The only thing that’s missing is a bookshelf of new books, and I'd think I'd walked into royalty.

That's kind of a sad thought. From what Jax says, these are basic amenities. I’m so used to less than basic that this seems luxurious.

I reach over and turn off the lamp beside the bed, and the room falls into complete darkness. Jax has gone to bed, and there's no light on that I can see in the house. Not even the streetlights or moon filter in through the closed blinds or curtains. Which I suppose is a good thing. Whoever did this to me is still out there, maybe watching me. The fewer opportunities they have to catch me in a vulnerable position the better. Though, my reasoning and any fleeting sense of safety doesn't stop the panic rising.

For a few moments, I feel like I'm right back in the basement. The cold takes over, and I shiver. I desperately want my flashlight, but I don't have it. I should have taken it with me when I ran. It would have helped in the woods, but it also would have shown my location to anyone who followed.

Is the flashlight my version of a security blanket? Can I not get through the night without it? The only courteous thing I was given besides books to read for seven years?

I quickly reach over and turn the lamp back on, bathing the room in a warm glow as I try desperately to calm my breathing.

I’m not in the basement. I’m in a comfortable bed with big, thick blankets. I took a hot bath, and I was able to shower. With soap. And hot water. Thisisn't the terrible place I ran from. I’m safe. Well, safe enough. There is a cop outside, and Jax will do whatever he can to stop someone from getting me again—he promised. But he wasn't able to stop it the first time. No, I have to stop thinking like that. The first time wasn't in his house.Ourhouse.

I turn off the light again and try to figure out why I didn't feel this panic when I was in the hospital. It takes a few moments, but it becomes clear. Not only were the noises at the hospital very different from here, at the house, there was always a light on somewhere. I never woke up in the pitch black. The sounds here don't sound that different from what I heard in the basement. It's too similar.

Getting up, I walk to the master bedroom and knock lightly on the open door. I'm not sure whether I want Jax to be awake or not.

"Do you need something?" Jax calls out, and he turns the bedside lamp on as he sits up. "What's wrong?"

"I feel kind of silly, but... can I sleep in here?"

"Of course," he says and climbs out of the bed to stand. "I can sleep in the guest room."

Moving on instinct, I grab his hand as he walks past me. "I didn't mean alone," I say, feeling my cheeks pinken as he turns and stares at me. "I mean, can you stay in here with me? When I sleep? We can... sleep in here... together."

His eyes stare intensely into mine, and I feel that weird stir of desire again. "You want to sleep in here, with me?"

Swallowing, I break the eye contact. This feels so stupid. "Not as my boyfriend, or whatever. I just..." I let out a sigh and look at the ground. "I feel ridiculous, but I don't want to be alone. When I turn out the light, it feels like I'm right back in the basement."

He cups my cheek gently with his hand before he drops it. "Of course."

I move to the right side of the bed, the same side I climbed into in the guest room, and I naturally know it's my side. Always my side. Climbing in, I tuck the comforter up to my chin as he turns out the light. Immediately, I notice there’s a sliver of moonlight shining through the windows, allowing me to see a little better than I could in the guest room. "The mattresses here are much more comfortable."

"Hospital beds aren't exactly known for comfort. I think they're designed to make sure there's adequate blood circulation and whatnot."

"True, but the hospital bed was also much more comfortable, too. The cot I had wasn't, especially after years of wear."

He sighs, and I notice it's what he does whenever I mention the basement. "Do you want me to go and buy a nightlight for you? Or we can leave a light on somewhere."

I turn on my side to face him, and he does the same. "I don't want to have to have a light. But I don't want to be alone. I need something I can easily reach to remind me where I am. Is that okay?"

He nods. "Of course."

"I was alone every day and every night. You remember how you mentioned that you're scared of waking up to find that I'm not really here? That this was nothing but a dream?"

He mutters, "Mmhmm," and I smile.

"I have the same fear. That I'll wake up and realize I never really escaped. That I'm still down there, shackled, dirty, and cold. The harsh metal reminding me I'm stuck, and I'll have nothing but that lukewarm soup and bread to eat for the thousandth day in a row."

The memory causes my heart rate to skyrocket, and Jax reaches out to take my hand. "You're out, Allie. You're safe. You're safe now, and I'll never let anything happen to you again."

"It's kind of comforting that we have similar feelings about the same situation even though we were on different sides of it."

"It was terrible for both of us in different ways," he says, and his hand squeezes mine.

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