Page 17 of Please Remember

"I'm going about this the wrong way, I know. I'm... I'm sorry. I think I'm as overwhelmed as you are. Having you here, with me, feels like a miracle and a dream, and I'm scared that I'll wake up in the morning to find you gone. That you were never really here, and it's driving me a little crazy. But I'll back off. Everything we do will be at your pace; I promise. Just... stay."

She stares at our joined hands, but remains silent. I hold my breath, relishing our closeness, if just for a moment.

"If you want me to stop telling you stories unless you ask, I can do that. If you want me to back off and not tell you what you like and don't like, I'll do that, too. I'm just begging you to please not push me away. Please don't give up and leave. I can't bear the thought of you not being here. I know you don't love me, but I love you. More than anything."

Again, she just stares at our hands. I refuse to be the one to break the physical touch we haven't really had yet. It feels like the first real, solidproof she's not an illusion or hallucination that my sad mind has made up.

"If you want, I'll stay in the guest room while you take the master. We haven't really talked about sleeping arrangements, but I have no expectations. My only goal is to make sure you're comfortable, and I will do whatever it takes to make that happen. I just need you to tell me."

"You used to hold my hand like this a lot, didn't you?" Allie asks, finally speaking since saying my name.

"All the time," I say, my voice barely above a whisper. "Unless we were with my family, we were almost always in contact with each other. There could be a crowd of seventy thousand people, and we could be having two different conversations with different people, but we'd always be close enough to hold hands like this. Always close enough to touch."

Swallowing, she looks up in to my eyes. "I remember the touch. Not... Nothing specific. It's familiar. Like Sage's hug."

My heart races, and I let out a shaky breath. "Please, Allie, can I... hold you?"

She nods, and I pull her against me like I always did. She fits just like she always has, and she even rests her head over my heart like she used to. "This is comforting."

"Do you want the story, or would you rather I leave it be?"

"Tell me."

"When you'd start to have a panic attack, or even when you were just overwhelmed or stressed, you’d come to me and want me to hold you like this. You'd place your ear on my chest and focus on my heartbeat. You said it grounded you. That sometimes you felt like a balloon floatingaround the atmosphere, and this kept you close to the ground. The only thing keeping you from floating away."

Sniffling, she nods against my chest. "It feels like that," she admits. "It’s calmed my anxiety."

My hand cups the back of her head as the tears fall. "I'm sorry for pushing you, Allie. I didn't mean to, I swear."

"I just need to know we're on the same page. That I'm not the girl you remember."

I swallow and nod. "I know."

"Trust me, I want to be the girl who loves you. Who has all these memories with you, but it's really overwhelming right now. Everyone so far looks at me like they expect the person they know. That just the sight of them should bring everything flooding back to me, and I feel like I'm a disappointment. That I'm disappointing you, and I don't mean to."

"You're not disappointing anyone. We're... we're all going through a period of adjustment. Please be patient with us all. None of us really knows how to do this."

She nods. "I suppose you know as much as I do about how we're supposed to handle this. I can't expect more from you than you can from me."

"Just promise you'll keep talking to me. If you feel like I'm pushing or expecting too much, tell me. I... I don't really know what I'm doing, either."

"I want to remember, Jax. I really do, but I can't make the memories come back by sheer will. Believe me, I've tried. Even before I got out, I tried. But I'll make sure to let you know if it feels like we're not working together."

"I'm really glad you're home, baby," I whisper. "Even if it's not how it was before. Honestly, the not knowing where you were or what you were going through felt like a horror movie playing on repeat for over seven years. Like it was never going to end."

Her arms tighten around me, and for a moment, it feels normal. "Did you hear anything I told the detectives?"

"No, I didn't. I'm thankful to know you weren't terribly hurt or abused. Well, besides being tied up. I caught that much from Dr. Westmore. It's just really hard to be on this side of it, too, because it's impossible not to question if the person you love is being tortured when you can't get to them. When they've just disappeared off the face of the earth. Every single thing that comes to mind tops the last worst-case scenario."

"I'm okay, I think," Allie says and pulls back to look up at me. "I think we'll all be okay. As long as we work together."

I sure hope so.

Chapter Eight

Laura

"Laura?" Natalie calls as she walks through the door of my house the next morning. The house I was supposed to share with Jax.

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