Page 97 of Chubs

Now I find myself standing outside of my room at the clubhouse, hoping the woman inside can forgive me like Ava did. When I hear the shower running, I step into my room and sit on the chair by the door. I wait patiently for Lucy to emerge from the bathroom.

When the door opens, the woman who means everything to me walks out. Combing her wet hair, she stops in place when she sees me.

“I was wrong, very wrong, to lead you on. I made plans for our future while knowing I wasn’t going to be here to live them out with you. That was cruel and thoughtless and not the person I really am. I couldn’t tell you what I was up to because I was terrified you’d get involved. I couldn’t live with it if the Veros found out about you and my past got you killed.

“So, I lied to keep you distracted and looking forward. Hope is the one thing we all need for survival, but it’s also a cruel thing to give someone falsely. There’s no apology that can fix what I did to you. All I can ask for is a new beginning. For us to start fresh like we’ve just met. Put the past where it belongs and leave it there.

“I love you more today than I did yesterday or the day before that. My feelings for you have never changed except to grow stronger. All I have ever wanted was you and me, a life together without ghosts from my past interfering. I had to make that a possibility by burying them, but I hurt you in the process. Please try to forgive me enough to give us a chance. I’m begging for a new start to a life with you, Lucy.”

Lucy stands still, listening to every word, but she stays silent for a moment when I’m done pleading my case. I refuse to look away, so I hold her eyes and hope she can see the truth in mine.

“I can forgive you because you had others you cared about. You had good reason for doing what you felt you needed to do. I have forgiven you for it, in fact. In some respects, I admire and respect you for doing what you felt was the right thing. My feelings for you haven’t dimmed or gone away. I love you as much as I always have, and I know that will never change. You’re my person, and I know that to the depths of my soul,” Lucy quietly responds.

“But?” I ask, hearing the unspoken word at the end of her sentence.

“I have to trust you to be with you, and I’m not sure I ever can again. It’s easier for me to love than to trust. I’m flawed that way, and I don’t know how to get past it.”

“You have every right to think I’m untrustworthy with all that’s happened,” I agree instantly. “But I’m begging you to give me another chance to prove that I’m worthy of your trust. That I would never break it again. That I love you enough to never hurt you again and to honor the promises I made before and to give you a beautiful life.”

“I need time to think about all of this. You broke every promise you ever made to me, and a few words can’t fix that kind of damage. I picked up the pieces you left me in, and I’ve met each day trying to do better than the day before. I’m finally getting myself put back together again and moving forward with this new life I was forced into. I’m not willing, at this point, to just go back to the life that was taken from me. I’m not opening myself up to that kind of pain again. Give me some time to think,” Lucy states before walking out the door.

Thinking over her words, I’m left reeling with the pain of what I did to her and our relationship, but not without hope. She didn’t say no to me. She just asked for time, and I can give her that.

One week later, I’m sitting in the corner of the room we use for Church and listening intently with pride as Bella states her reasons for wanting to join the club. At the moment, until a decision has been made about my status, I’m not allowed to sit at the table, but I’m hoping they’ll allow me to vote on this matter.

“I completely understand that this club has always been a male members only club. Until James, it was also a minimally melanated club,” Bella says with a small smile sent James’ direction. “Times have changed, and so has this club. It’s went from being a 1% club that dealt in drugs, guns, and women to a club that fights for kids, animals, and women’s rights and safety. With Gunner as President and all of you as the members backing him, you’ve turned this club into one that I’d be very proud to be a member of, especially if I were the first woman allowed to join. I’m not asking for special treatment, just an equal chance to earn my cut.”

“Thank you, Bella, for explaining your reasons. I’ll ask you to leave the room now so we can discuss this and vote,” Gunner says with a nod to the door.

Bella leaves the room and silently shuts the door behind her. No one speaks for well over a minute, putting serious thought into Bella’s words. Gunner bangs the gavel and states, “The matter before us about allowing Bella to prospect and possibly be patched in as a member of The Devil’s Angels is now open for discussion.”

“Absolutely yes!” Petey rumbles loudly while smacking his hand on the table.

“Of course, we should vote her in as a prospect. She’s nearly as much of a member as any of us already,” Vex adds in support.

“Anyone have any reasons why we shouldn’t?” Pooh asks while looking each man around the table in the eye.

“She didn’t ask me to sponsor her,” Axel says with a pout, then smiles broadly. “She’s already earned her spot, in my opinion, even if she has piss-poor taste.”

“My only concern is that I know I can’t treat her as a prospect like I have Toes. Horse, he was easy to abuse and misuse, but I can’t do that to Bella. So, in a way, she would be receiving special treatment. But my answer is to definitely allow her the opportunity,” Pigeon says, and then ducks the elbow Horse aims at his throat.

“There’s no rule stating we have to treat prospects like shit. That’s just for fun and our amusement. One thing to keep in mind, though, is that she needs to learn how to be a member while still prospecting. Everyone does if they want to be patched in. We can’t go so easy on her that it becomes dangerous at some point for her. Pooh, as her sponsor, it’s your responsibility to make sure she knows everything she needs to know, and I, for one, will be keeping a close eye on you and her to be sure that’s happening,” Trigger warns in a voice that promises retribution if Pooh fucks up Bella’s training.

Everyone nods in agreement with Trigger, including myself.

“She means the world to me, so please know I’ll do everything in my power to prepare her the best I can,” Pooh says solemnly.

“What’s your thoughts on this, Prez?” Cash asks.

“We’ll catch shit from the other clubs for allowing in a woman. I look forward to the beatdowns we’ll give those stupid enough to talk shit about The Devil’s Angels or any of our members. She’s loyal to the club. She’s one of ours, and she has solid reasons for wanting to join. I say yes 100%,” Gunner replies with a wicked grin.

Cash nods, then asks, “Do we even need to vote on this?”

“Let’s make it official and do the vote,” Axel adds.

Gunner acknowledges each member’s vote then turns to me. I’m surprised by this but answer quickly and clearly, “Hell yes.”

“Matter is settled. Starting today, Bella Taylor is our newest prospect,” Gunner announces, and the men cheer.

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