Page 9 of Chubs

Opening the apartment door, I’m greeted with silence. Entering the bedroom, I strip out of my dirty clothes and head for the shower. After cleaning all the dust and grime off myself, I towel off first my hair, then my body. I pull on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before taking a seat in the living room and switching on the TV.

I’m somewhat nervous about Lucy coming home after the way I left last night. It was beyond wrong of me to walk out and spend the night alone at the clubhouse, but I just couldn’t tell her another lie. If I were smart, I’d do something to make her hate me so it wouldn’t hurt her so much when I leave. I’d push her away to make it less of a blow when I’m gone, but I’m too selfish. I don’t want to see the hurt that she’s going to go through because of me, and I don’t want to give up what little time we have left together. Those memories may have to last me a lifetime if I’m still standing at the end.

Hearing the door open behind me, I brace. I listen to the familiar sounds of Lucy kicking off her shoes and hanging her purse on the hook behind the door. When she walks past my chair on her way to the bedroom, my heart drops a little in my chest. Lucy never walks past me without touching my shoulder or running her fingers through my hair. She also never forgets to give me a kiss and to greet me after being apart. She’s hurt and most likely mad at my leaving last night. I deserve it, though.

I stay put in my chair as Lucy closes the bedroom door softly, and before long, I hear the shower running. Normally, I’d join her, but her shutting the door was a clear sign that I’m not wanted. I respect her wishes and continue waiting. A few minutes after the shower shuts off, Lucy emerges from the bedroom. She’s wearing her sleep t-shirt and shorts with the puppies on them and is combing out her wet hair. I maintain my silence but continue to watch her every move. Taking a seat on the loveseat, she finally meets my eyes and speaks in a low but serious tone.

“No matter what’s hiding in your past, nothing can make me stop loving you. If you need to fix something, I’m here to help if you want or need it. I can deal with anything as long as I know I have you. If you need me to quit asking about things, I can do that too. What I can’t do is continue being lied to. I need you to understand that all I’m asking for is to have you in my life, no more lies, and please, Chubs, no more walking out and leaving me alone like last night. That hurt more than anything. I’m not asking you to tell me all your secrets if you don’t want to. If I ask something that you don’t want to answer, then say that, but please don’t lie to me. If you can do those few things, I’ll always be yours for as long as you want me. If you can’t, I need you to tell me that now.”

Thinking over her words, I know I’m cornered. Lose her tonight or in the very near future. Either way, I’m still going to be lying to her. There’s only so much I can say to her, but in the end, it’s all going to hurt her.

“I love you more than anything in this world, Lucy. Nothing compares to how I feel about you. I can’t, won’t, talk about my past or family, though. That’s for your safety and theirs. Under no circumstances do I want you to help in any way with this thing with the Feds. That’s why I haven’t talked about why they’re coming at me after all these years. I don’t want you to get involved. I need you to stay out of that. You nearly died the last time you tried to save me, and I can’t ever go through that again. Promise me you won’t get involved,” I insist.

“Promise me that after they leave, we’re going to start on our plans for our wedding, family, and house,” she returns with a raised eyebrow.

“I need that promise,” I insist while trying to dodge her demand.

“So do I,” she responds with a slight tilt of her head.

Thinking over her words, I reply carefully, “The Feds are only a part of the problem. I have other issues that have to be resolved before I can make that promise.”

“So, you talking about buying the land from Vex and making plans about building a home there was what? A half-lie to me? An attempt to placate me or give me the impression you’re not working on an exit plan?” Lucy asks with a bite to her voice.

I groan miserably and rub my hands down my face. Taking a deep breath, I answer the best I can.

“Not completely. I want a home with you so much that sometimes I forget that I have other obligations too. I get ahead of myself, and it’s not fair to you. You have every right to be upset and concerned about what’s happening with me, with us. I have lied to you, to everyone, but I haven’t felt like I had a choice. I’m sorry for that, but I can’t change it either. I don’t want to lie to you again, so no, I can’t give you that promise. I’m sorry.”

Lucy stays silent for so long I start to think she’s done talking. Staring deep into my eyes, I see the flicker of pain in hers before she masks it. Standing, she walks into the bedroom, and I slump in my chair, feeling defeated. Moments later, Lucy reappears, but instead of holding the brush, she’s dressed again and pulling her suitcase behind her. Sitting upright in alarm, I open my mouth to speak when her empty hand shoots into the air, palm facing me. I close my mouth and wait for the world to fall out beneath me.

“I’ve tried to be understanding and supportive. I’ve waited, hoping whatever was wrong would resolve itself, and we could go back to being Lucy and Chubs. It’s apparent that’s not going to happen anytime soon. I’m going to make this easy for you, Chubs. I’ll stay with my family until we leave on our trip. That way, you won’t have to feel the need to lie again. I won’t call or text you while we’re gone, and that should give you enough time to rethink that promise. When I get back, we can talk again. If you decide you don’t want to fix this, I’ll pick up my things and get gone.”

With those words, without a hug or kiss goodbye, Lucy walks out, and the world disappears beneath me.

Chapter 4

Lucy

Heart shattering, I walk into my dad’s office. When he sees me, he wordlessly stands and walks toward me. Cupping my face, he raises it until we meet eyes. After a moment, he releases my face, then wraps his arms around me, and pulls me to his chest. I wrap my arms around him and finally allow the tears to fall. Resting his cheek on the top of my head, he gently rocks us back and forth while weathering the storm. When the tears start to slow, my dad speaks for the first time since my arrival.

“I know Chubs is the cause of this because nothing else can knock down your barriers. So, here is my father’s plan for how we’re going to handle it. Tonight, we get drunk. Off our asses drunk. Tomorrow, we find a quiet, peaceful place to bury his body while I come up with a plan as to how he’s going to suffer before death claims him.”

I can’t stop the small, wet giggle that escapes as my dad gives me another hard hug before letting go and stepping back. He reaches down and grabs a tissue off an end table before handing it to me. I wipe the tears off my face before blowing my nose. Tossing the tissue into a garbage can, I turn back to my father.

“I don’t want him dead, Daddy.”

“You have a kind heart, Lucy, but I must insist. He hurt my daughter, and he had been warned about the consequences if he ever did that,” he answers with a small smile.

“I walked out on him tonight. I never thought I’d ever do that,” I say with a small sniffle.

“Out of anger or to protect your heart?” my dad, the governor of Colorado, asks.

“Both. Angry because he’s not being truthful with me. Angry because he’s my whole world, but I no longer feel like I’m the same for him. Trying to protect my heart by leaving him before he leaves me, I guess,” I answer, being as truthful as I can.

“I’ve spent a lot of time with him, Lucy, and that man loves you like a father hopes his daughter is loved.”

“He loves me, Daddy. I know that. Maybe just not enough to make me his first priority like I’ve made him mine. Maybe I’m just being too demanding. Maybe I need more from him than is fair. I don’t know, Dad. I’m hoping this time apart will help us figure out how to go forward.”

“What can I do to help?”

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