Page 6 of Chubs

“Have the Feds hassled you lately?” I ask, knowing I’m encroaching on a touchy subject.

“Let’s not ruin our quiet time with talk of them. They don’t matter,” Chubs requests quietly.

I take a seat at the table next to him and place my hand on his forearm. I wait patiently, silently, until he sighs and meets my eyes.

“You are my entire world. My heart, my soulmate. You know this, and I know it’s returned to me tenfold, Chubs. I’ve sat back, letting you handle them as you chose because you asked me to. Because I trust you and the promises you’ve made to me. I’ll stand beside or behind you, whichever you need, but please remember that at some point, we need to move forward with our lives. The life we decided together we want to share. Our wedding, building our home, starting a family. I know you love me, but I also know you’re still keeping things from me. I hate that whatever happened in your past is now affecting our future, and you don’t trust me enough to let me in.”

My heart breaks a little when I feel him flinch at my words, but he’s the one being stubborn. I love this man, but I’m at my wit’s end with all the secrets. He’s erecting a wall between us when a little honesty is all that’s needed instead. When he doesn’t respond, I sigh in defeat. Getting to my feet, I walk to the bedroom and quietly shut the door behind me. Feelings hurt, anger rising, I choose to shut him off from me before I say things I might later regret. Starting to sort through my clothes, my tears threaten to fall when I hear him leave the apartment. They fall unchecked when I wake in the morning to see that he never returned.

Knowing there’re big things going on with the club, I decided to hang with Bailey at the gym today. I don’t text or call Chubs, and I don’t receive any either. Cash is working when I enter the gym, and I return his chin lift before entering the office. I set my laptop and purse in a chair then flop down on the couch.

“Hey, Lucy. You okay?” Bailey asks with concern, looking up from her seat at the desk.

“Yeah,” I answer unconvincingly.

“No offense, girlfriend, but you don’t look it.”

“Men,” I say, knowing that will explain everything in one word.

“Ahh, I see. Do I need to call the other Ol’ Ladies and plan an ass-whooping party for Chubs?” Bailey questions with a smile and one hand picking up her cell phone.

“Not yet, but keep your phone close.”

“You want to talk, honey?” Bailey asks in a soft voice.

“No, but thanks. I want to break or punch things. I want to destroy something. Is that Candy lady still coming around? Maybe she’ll get in the ring with me,” I answer, and even I can hear the violence in my voice.

“I love you too much to let you get in the ring with her. She’s kicked Axel and Pooh’s ass on many occasions, not counting the toy store, and you’re a third her size. If you’re feeling that suicidal, go for a ride with Tessie!” Bailey shouts before snorting a laugh.

The door opens, and Cash fills the doorway. Without a word, he points a finger at me and then the gym before walking out. I pull myself up and off the couch, shoot Bailey an evil grin, then follow the large biker.

Still not speaking, Cash turns to me and reaches for my hand. He starts wrapping tape around it, then the other, before sliding MMA-style gloves on each. He picks up the striking pads and walks to a corner of the gym before turning to face me.

“You’re not getting into a ring, ever, with Candy. I’ve been working with her, and she’s gotten deadly good. I’ve been doing that, mostly for my own amusement, for the day Axel pisses her off again, but also because it’s good for her. Besides, she likes you and the other women and would never hurt you,” Cash explains before lifting the pads for me to strike.

I start slowly, more of a warm-up period, while my brain slides from Chubs to my striking. Cash murmurs instructions and encouragement as I pick up my pace. After several minutes, sweat is coating my face, and my arms are tired and feeling heavy. When Cash finally drops his hands, I’m exhausted. Taking seats on the mats again, Cash starts removing my gloves and tape.

“Talk,” the Viking biker orders quietly.

“He won’t talk to me,” I answer immediately, knowing my fears are safe with Cash.

“He won’t talk to any of us. Why’s that got you so twisted today?” Cash asks. “Something different?”

“Just a feeling I’ve had for a few weeks now. I’m not sure I can explain it, but my gut is telling me that something big is coming,” I respond in whispered frustration. “Making it worse, I’m leaving town with my parents and sister. Not sure what might happen while I’m gone or what I’ll come home to.”

Cash stays silent for a few beats before speaking again.

“No matter what happens with Chubs, no matter what’s got his head so fucked up, no matter what decisions he may make, you are not alone in this. You have us. Me, Livi, Axel, Bailey. The whole club has got you, Lucy. Anything you need, anytime, you call, and I’ll be there. I know we’re a poor substitution for him, but you and I will deal with whatever happens. I feel it too with Chubs. Something’s changed, but I have no clue what it is, either. We’ll figure this out. As friends, as family, as a club. Yeah?”

Sincerity and frustration equally lace his words and roll off his body. The only thing about this conversation that’s surprising to me is how many words this quiet biker has spoken. Cash isn’t big on using words, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel deeply about things. Wrapping a thickly muscled arm around my shoulders, I let him tug me close.

“Yeah, Cash. Thanks for today. I needed to hit things,” I say while pulling back enough to look up at his face.

“You keep working on your striking, and I’ll be turning you loose on Axel’s ass soon,” he jokes as he stands, pulling me to my feet beside him.

When his phone buzzes, I give him a quick hug then turn for the showers.

Walking into Axel and Bailey’s house later that evening, I head toward the kitchen. Dropping our take-out meal on the table, I turn in time for little Alex to crash into my legs. Bending, I scoop her into my arms, place her on my hip, and land a loud smooch on her forehead. Giggling, her little hands land on each side of my face before she squeals excitedly, “Auntie Lucy!”

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