Page 91 of Cash

On a whim, I grab a large duffle bag and start tossing things into it. I gather the diaper bag I use for Snots, fill it with his necessities, clip a leash to his collar and lock the door behind us. Tossing everything into my car, I power my phone down and take off. Where we’re headed, I haven’t decided yet, and I don’t care as long as it’s not here.

Chapter 18

Cash

Everyone at the club agrees that James is the perfect prospect. While he has a long time yet to prove himself, I think we all know he will. He’s become fast friends with the club members and their families. He continues to come to the gym even though Livi no longer does. A fact that many members continue to question me about, and I continue to refuse to discuss.

While James does everything asked of him, he too refuses to discuss anything Livi related. In fact, when her name is mentioned, I’ve seen his eyes harden in my direction before he averts them. And this makes me feel even more of an ass every damn time. She deserved better than I gave her, and I know it. I made a mistake, and my life is emptier because of it. I miss her, pure and simple.

When Rex spoke with James at the club, I saw the concern in his eyes. Watching James whip out his phone, I knew a moment of worry. But when James looked briefly at me before walking outside, my gut dropped to the floor. No hesitation, no thought, I followed him.

Ignoring his glare, I stand close enough to hear the conversation. My heart stops stuttering and returns to a normal rate when I hear Livi’s voice and she’s unhurt. After James disconnects, he stands staring off into space, lost in his own thoughts.

“We’ve both been unfair to her,” James states.

“I have, I admit that. I should have explained things better. How have you been unfair to her though?”

“I haven’t been the friend she needs, the one she deserves. I’ve been so jacked to prospect, to be invited into the Devil’s Angels, I haven’t been there for her. I know she’s hurting because you have some fucked up ideas, and yet I’m here with you, not her. She’s had my back every damn time I needed it. She’s defended my right to be gay and still wear a uniform every time someone’s questioned it. She believes in me even when I’ve doubted myself. She’s not afraid to stand up to anyone, including brass, when she feels I’m not being treated right. You letting her walk out of your life is your mistake. A huge one that I hope bites you in the ass every damn day. I’m not making the same one. If that costs me my shot at becoming a member, then so be it, but Livi’s more important to me than a cut or a bike.”

With that, James walks to his bike and leaves. I stand thinking about all the words he spoke and know I need to fix this. There are no promises in this world, no guarantees that life’s going to turn out the way we hope. Livi can’t promise me she’ll never leave me and Liam. Circumstances could arise that are beyond her control. I should know that since I lost my mom through no fault of her own. Liam’s mom chose to leave him, mine didn’t. Life’s not fair and shit happens. All this turmoil when all Livi wanted was to be included in something I love to do. To not be left behind. What she really needed to hear was that I do see a future with us and that she matters to me. Resolving to make things right with Livi, I turn to find Axel standing nearby.

“Your head on straight now?” he asks in a quiet voice.

“Yeah.”

“Come on, Brother. I’ll buy you a beer.”

*~*~*~*

Again, my call goes straight to voicemail. Livi hasn’t answered any of my texts either. I get that she’s probably mad, especially when I didn’t answer her last text. All I needed to do was explain that I still wanted to keep her in my life. I needed to use my words, and I didn’t. At the time I read her text, I had just decided to keep some distance for the time being. Take a break from each other and see if it helped me gain perspective. What a stupid fucking idea that was.

My phone vibrates in my hand and I glance at it seeing it’s from James.

“Hey,” I say into my phone.

“Got to work today and my Captain told me I have a new partner for—,” James starts to explain when I cut him off.

“New partner? What the fuck, James?” I bark.

“For a few days, Cash. Livi asked for a few days off, not a permanent change in partnership.”

“Jesus Christ, James. Was already planning my own murder,” I answer in relief that I hadn’t caused another relationship breakup. Fucking up my own was stupid enough but busting up Livi and James? Yeah, not something I want to be the blame for.

“Only mentioning this because I won’t be coming to the clubhouse tonight. Shit went down with Livi’s brother, and I’ve been pulled into a case.”

“He still breathing?” I ask while remembering the conversation Livi and I had about him.

“For now, yeah. Livi was pulled into the Captain’s office last night after the chase. Her brother’s life choices put her in an untenable position, and the department was there to capitalize on it. Livi left me a brief voicemail, took a few days off then left town. I haven’t been able to reach her since.”

“Where would she go?” I ask, worried about her frame of mind. She’d just worked an extra shift, got involved in a high-speed chase and then slammed with her brother’s shit.

“She didn’t sound like she had a plan. Just wanted to put Denver in her rearview for a few days. Probably us too.”

“Let me know if you hear from her. She’s not answering my calls,” I order.

“Do you even give two fucks about this?” James asks in a belligerent tone.

“Fuck you, James,” I spit before disconnecting.

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