Page 93 of Cash

Behind my shades, I watch the SUV slowly cruise through the lot before parking in the spot next to my car. They’re not trying to stay hidden from sight anymore, so I know I’m about to find out what they want. I watch as two men exit the vehicle. Clean cut, nice clothes. They make their way toward me as Snots tugs on his leash, trying to explore all the smells. While still several feet away, both men raise their hands and flash badges. They walk slowly, badges and other hand in clear view until they’ve entered the dog area.

Stopping, the shorter one of the two speaks.

“Officer Olivia Moore, we’ve been waiting for an opportunity to speak with you.”

“Badges can be bought on eBay, boys. Agency IDs please,” I say.

Arrogant smirks hit both faces, but they comply.

“Why are two Feds following me?”

“Wanted to see where you were going and who you might meet up with. And, as I said a minute ago, we’ve been wanting to have a conversation. You clocked us a few miles back so might as well chat now, don’t you think?”

“Clocked you a few hours back,” I inform them.

I watch with no small amount of satisfaction when surprise shows in their expressions.

“The point here is that we’ve been waiting to catch you away from Denver so we could talk,” says the shorter guy.

“About what?”

“About a biker you know as Chubs.”

*~*~*~*

Laying on the bed in my hotel room, I’m thinking over everything I learned today about one of the nicest men I know. With all that’s happened in the last 48 hours, my brain needs sleep, but it won’t shut off. I know any decisions I make right now will have to be altered at some point. I’m too exhausted to make the right decision about anything at the moment. I rearrange my pillow, head and body and attempt sleep once again.

I finally drift off, but I don’t sleep well. I have strange dreams involving curly-headed bikers and addicts that have turned rat. After a few hours of tossing and turning, I give up. Sitting up, I order room service for Snots and me, hit the bathroom and pull on some leggings under my t-shirt. When there’s a knock on the door, I answer and retrieve our breakfast.

Taking a seat on the bed, I start scrolling through my texts. I see several new messages from Cash, but I don’t read them. I move on to the ones from James, ignoring the others like I did Cash’s. Each text from James becomes more demanding about answering my phone or responding to his messages. I sigh because he’s right, but until now I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone. While thinking this, my phone’s ringtone goes off again.

“Hey,” I say after accepting the call.

“Oh my fucking God! You finally decided I’m important enough to talk to!” James shouts.

“Before you lose your mind on me, I’m sorry. I love you, and I’m sorry if I worried you, but I did leave you a voicemail letting you know what was going on. I needed some peace, James. I desperately just needed space from everything in my world,” I explain quietly.

Even I can hear the hint of pleading in my voice. I need him, of all the people in my life, to understand why I needed to step away. I know by his sudden silence that he’s hearing my words and understanding the tone of my voice.

Nothing is said for several long moments before James responds in a hurt voice.

“You needed space from me, Livi?”

“I just needed to be alone to sort things out in my head. Not you specifically. Just my life, I guess.”

“Have you sorted things?” James asks.

“I talked my brother into becoming a rat, James. If he pays the ultimate price for that, it’s on me. Both parents told me to do what I thought was best. I’m not sure they understood the consequences of either choice. Be a rat and he can end up dead. Not cooperate with the police and get a twenty-plus year sentence.”

“Why didn’t you call me when this went down?” James questions suspiciously.

“You were busy,” I hedge.

“I was at the clubhouse opening beers and emptying the trash, Livi. I wasn’t performing surgery,” James argues.

I remain silent while sifting through my thoughts looking for a reasonable argument. No way can I tell him that I’m so damn childish that I felt he abandoned me for the club. I can’t tell him that because it’s not the truth. James wouldn’t ever do that, even if I felt that way because I was allowing myself to wallow in self-pity. If I’d have called James that night, he would’ve been at my side no matter what. It’s past time for me to accept that I did what I thought was best for my brother and pray I’m right, but ultimately, he put himself in that position. It’s also time to accept that James joining the Angels, while it does affect our time together, he’s still allowed to have a life outside of me. As for Cash, he did what he thought was best for him and his son, and I need to move on.

“You’re right. I should’ve called you. I went it alone by choice and can’t whine about that now. I guess I just felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders, and I needed to step away.”

---