Page 90 of Cash

“Livi, my office,” Capt. LaForest says quietly from the doorway of his office as Hedman and I are finishing up our paperwork from our shift.

I look up and am immediately concerned at his expression. There are a million things that someone might have made a complaint about, so there’s no sense in wondering. I stand and make my way to the office.

“Shut the door and take a seat.”

I do as I’m told and watch warily as my Capt. stands, walks to my side of his desk and leans against it.

“Undercover made a bust tonight. It was large and several people were arrested for manufacturing and distributing. They’ve been working the case for a while now, but it turned out to be bigger than even they expected. The reason I’m telling you this is because one of the men arrested was your brother, Jonathon. He’s in lockup and has asked to speak with you.”

My heart literally stops beating for a moment before beginning to race. He’s alive, but that’s the only good news in what I’ve just heard. I stare at my Captain, mind blanking for a moment. After a few heartbeats, I drop my head and stare at my hands folded in my lap. When I’m sure my face isn’t showing the emotional upheaval I’m going through, I look up.

“Undercover wants you to speak with him. They want info, and they want to use you to get it. I know the position this puts you in, Livi. I’m sorry for that; I really am. I don’t know if he has the info they want, or if he’d even give it up, but what you choose to do is your choice. You’re not under any obligation to do this for them. If you do though, you insist first on getting him a deal in exchange for whatever he knows.”

“I need to call my parents, Captain. We haven’t heard from Jonathon in a long time, and they’ll want to know that at least he’s breathing,” I rasp out.

“Of course. Make your call and let me know your decision. I’m sure it’s going to be a first-come/first-serve on deals being made though, Livi. There’s an expiration date on how long you have to help him, if it’s even possible. Anything I can do to help, let me know.”

“Thank you, I will.”

Walking out of the office, I make my way to the locker room. I pass Hedman as he’s leaving shift, but I walk by without a word. I open my locker and stare at the picture taped to the back of it. Jonathon’s handsome face stares back at me, tilted smile and brown eyes that I miss seeing. It was taken while he was still in high school, and our family was a cohesive unit.

Unexpectedly, I feel a rush of emotion. Blinding white-hot anger courses through my body at him and his choices that have affected more than just himself. I had a brother once upon a time. A brother any girl would want, and he tossed me aside. Tossed his family, his moral compass, his life away. Nothing was more important than his next high. Nothing, no one, ranked higher than him getting the next fix. I want to strike out at him, at something, anything to just relieve the pressure in my head and heart.

Just as suddenly as it came on, the anger fades, and my shoulders sag. I feel old, mentally beat and exhausted. I want nothing more than to have familiar muscled arms wrapped around me and a broad chest to lean on. I want to call a time-out from life and let Cash soothe my battered mind and soul until I feel strong again.

I allow a few moments of feeling sorry for myself before straightening my shoulders and pushing those feelings away. I carefully remove Cash from my thoughts. He’s not a factor in my life anymore, and I desperately need to remember that. I don’t need his strength. I have my own and that will need to be enough. Resolved in what I need to do, I make my calls.

*~*~*~*

Standing in front of the one-way glass, I don’t recognize the man sitting in the interview room. He’s thin, haggard-looking and not the brother I remember. Addict is written all over him, and what’s left of my heart breaks a little more.

“Officer Moore, do you understand what we need from you?” asks the detective in charge of Jonathon’s fate.

“Yes, I do. Do you have the deal in writing?”

“Yes. It’s right here. Read, sign it and we’ll get started.”

I do as instructed and then enter the interview room. I take the seat across the table from Jonathon and wait for him to speak. I watch as his tired eyes roam over my face, and his mouth gives a ghost of a smile.

“How did we end up here, Olivia? You, a cop and me, a drug dealer. Now here we sit, on opposite sides of the table, in more ways than one.”

“I don’t know, Jon. I really don’t,” I answer quietly.

“Missed you, little sister. I really have, you know.”

“You could have called. You know where… no. I can’t do that. It does no good. I–we–can’t look back. We don’t have a lot of time, Jon. We need to stay focused and on topic.”

“Little sister trying to save her unsavable brother. Not sure you should be wasting your time on me, Olivia. Just go back to your life, and let me get what I deserve. Rotting away in a prison cell is what I’ve earned. I don’t deserve your help,” Jonathon says.

“No, Jonathon, you don’t. It’s been offered so many times, and you chose to ignore it. You found more comfort with your syringe than with your family. Those were your choices, and your debts to pay. But you’re still my brother, and I still love you. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and pull your head out of your ass. Decision time, Jon. The detective explained to you what they need to know. Do you want my help or not? I can get your sentence reduced to less prison time and a rehab program but only with your help. If you’ve really missed me, then cooperate with us and become a part of my life again. I’d love to have my brother back, Jon, but I can’t make you want it as bad as I do. If you choose not to cooperate, I’m not sure I can ever help you again.”

“I think I’m ready to live again,” Jonathon answers softly before dropping his head on his folded arms and sobbing quietly.

*~*~*~*

Spending the night working with Jonathon and the detective, I make it home feeling more alone and emptier than before. Even though Jonathon chose the path I was hoping he would, it’s not going to be an easy one. I feel defeated, angry and not in the frame of mind to be on shift. I call my Captain and after explaining things, he agrees to the vacation time I ask for. I haven’t taken any in way too long, and I desperately need some time to recharge.

I call James to explain, but it goes to voicemail. Leaving a glossed-over explanation, I disconnect. I have already called my parents and filled them in on everything. Standing in my bedroom, I realize I have no one else to call.

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