Page 72 of Cash

“Snots!” I bark loudly.

This causes him to slam to a stop and look my direction with head tilted comically. I snap my fingers and wait. I do it again when he tilts his fat head the other direction without obeying. After a moment of apparent deep thought, Snots lopes my direction and plants his ass at my feet. Leaning down, I rub his head and slip him a piece of bacon I stole when Livi wasn’t looking.

“Good boy, Snots,” I praise.

“He has his moments. If he’d known you had stolen goods, he’d of came immediately. I hold the treat high in the air and beg him. It usually works,” Livi says as she steps onto the deck.

“Bribery, Officer Moore?” I ask.

“If it works, it’s an acceptable method.”

“You’re off work tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah, James and I plan on coming to the gym. He’s agreed to train with me but warned it might not be pretty,” Livi answers with a small laugh.

“He’s not going to cry, is he?”

“No, but he’ll bitch and moan. Like Snots, he needs incentive.”

“I can make Pigeon team up with him. James likes Pigeon, and I like watching Pigeon squirm,” I offer.

“Bribery. I like it. Dinner’s ready,” Livi replies.

Over dinner, Livi fills me in on the call she and James took today. I listen carefully and can hear the hesitancy in her voice. She’s unsure of how I’m going to react, and that’s a gut punch. I never considered how I’d feel by knowing she’s not comfortable talking about her day with me. I want her comfortable with me, talking to me and sharing our days. I know there will be things I can’t talk to her about in regard to the club. I know she’ll have cases she can’t talk about but when she can, I don’t want her concerned about how I’ll take it. Reaching over, I grasp her hand. I wait until her eyes meet mine before speaking.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Livi answers automatically and robotically.

“Don’t do that, Livi. Don’t give me the answer you feel you need or have been conditioned, to give. You don’t have to do that with me,” I say.

“In my experience, it’s the only acceptable answer,” she replies.

“With James too?”

“No, not with James. I can be me with him and not just be a cop. He knows if I’m okay or not anyway. Just like I know that about him. I’m not trying to be dishonest with you, Cash. It’s just the answer we give, no matter what.”

“I get that.”

I watch as Livi takes a deep breath. Her eyes dart around the room for a moment before coming to rest back on mine. I can clearly see her internal struggle, and I see it when her mind settles.

“Can I re-answer your question?” she asks while squaring her shoulders.

I nod my head.

“I’m fine, yes. A small scrape, a few bruises, nothing to worry about. I had a few moments afterward that were dicey. That’s when everything hits at once, but you can’t give in to emotion. During an incident, your training kicks in, and you do what you have to do. Afterward, it’s another story. We don’t receive training in how to stop the shakes or stop re-thinking every move we made. The second-guessing sucks as much as the people who weren’t there but judge you on what you should have done instead. The Monday-morning quarterbacks are everywhere. Other cops, the public, the press, the courts. They all have opinions and are happy to shove them down your throat. The thing is though, they have all the time in the world to think it through, and we have a nanosecond. They have the gift of time and distance to weigh all options while the officer involved has time to do one thing. They have all the information available, we have only what we can see in that second. It’s frustrating, disheartening and while everyone is giving their opinion, you have to remain solid in how you handled it. It’s a thankless job and some days I don’t know why I do it.”

I think over everything she just said and give it careful consideration before speaking.

“Why do you do it?”

Livi pushes out a sigh then smiles softly at me.

“Because of the people I get to meet. I might be handling a complaint for a famous person one minute, then sharing lunch with a war veteran next. Helping an elderly lady find her cat then off to a high-speed chase. I get to know people like Tessie and Petey. Every single shift is different. Even the most boring day is never actually boring. There’s no such thing as a routine shift.”

There’s pride in her voice, and I know she loves what she does. The fact that she cares about the people she meets makes her perfect to wear the uniform.

“Thank you.”

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