Page 14 of Cash

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“Back to work for me, Snots. Behave yourself while I’m gone. I don’t want to find any nasty surprises when I stop by to let you out later tonight. Be a good puppy, and I won’t make you go running tomorrow, okay? Love you, little piggy,” I tell Snots as I’m heading out the door for my shift.

I get a small doggie sniff at my words, and I convince myself that Snots heard and understood everything I just told him. It’d be the first time ever, but I’m always hopeful.

After roll call and our pre-shift squad meeting, James and I are cruising our district. The streets look quieter than usual, but that’s never a sign of how the shift will go. Things pop off with little to no warning most nights. I’ve learned not to jinx us by thinking we’re going to have an easy night. Especially if there’s a full moon. The crazies always come out of the woodwork during full moons. Luckily, we have a few days before that happens.

“Dispatch to Squad 6908: Subject in distress. Cause unknown. Address to follow.”

“Copy Dispatch. Squad’s responding.”

James reads the address off the computer screen to me, and I turn our squad car in that direction.

“Probably an overdose. We’ve been getting a lot of those lately,” I say.

“Yeah, probably is. I hate those calls. I hate seeing lives so destroyed by drugs,” James answers with a sigh.

Pulling the car to a stop in front of the address given, I see nothing out of the ordinary. Average, run-down, dilapidated house with no lights on, abandoned. We exit our vehicle and listen carefully for any indication of where this subject may be. James must hear something because he indicates a narrow passage between this house and the one next to it and starts walking in that direction with his flashlight on. I follow while looking around us for safety reasons.

Before we reach the end of the passageway, I hear someone moaning. We pick up the pace and round the corner to find a guy laying on the ground, on his side, facing us. He’s curled up in the fetal position while gripping his stomach. At about the same time my brain registers all of this, my nose picks up a horrible stench.

“Hey, man. What’s wrong? You okay?” James asks as he turns his flashlight beam fully on the man.

Fighting the smell, I approach the man to assist in whatever way is needed.

“Can you sit up? Are you injured? What’s wrong, sir?” I ask as I bend down near him.

“Sick, not hurt. Don’t know what’s wrong, but it hurts bad. Oh, God, it hurts!” the man screams and then goes back to emitting loud moaning sounds.

“Squad 6908 to dispatch: We need an ambulance at our location. Unknown male subject is down. Appears to be sick and needs assistance.”

“Copy that, 6908. Ambulance is en route.”

As James is radioing with dispatch, the man suddenly stops moaning, and things take an uglier turn. He jerks, groans and grips his stomach harder as his “issue” makes itself known. He’s obviously having stomach/ass issues, and he’s now currently expelling those said issues. Again. Hence, the stench.

I quickly stand and take a step back as I hear James quietly snicker behind me. I shoot a glare over my shoulder as I pull on a pair of latex gloves. Praying that the ambulance shows up soon, I wait until the man’s body relaxes, and he gives a sigh of relief before approaching him again.

“Why are you outside? This your home?” I ask.

“Homeless. Was going to bed down for the night in the house but didn’t get that far. Must have eaten something I shouldn’t have,” the man answers in between groans.

“Don’t stand there doing nothing! Get him the hell out of here,” shouts a voice from a darkened window above us.

“Ambulance is on its way. We’ll be gone soon. You the one who called this in?” James asks while shining his light at the window.

“Damn straight, I did. Tired of hearing his moaning all night. Could hardly hear the TV,” the woman in the window complains.

“Did you think about coming down and checking on him?” James continues with his questions.

“Not my effing job. That’s what we pay you people to do. You don’t do nothing else but eat donuts and harass innocent people. So do your job and get him out of here, you worthless pig.”

“I hope you have a blessed night, Miss. Thank you for caring about your fellow man,” James responds cheerfully.

“Fuck you!” the woman bellows before slamming the window shut.

“You’ve made a new friend tonight, James. How sweet,” I say with a laugh as we hear the ambulance stop on the street.

“I’m a people magnet.”

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