Page 66 of Vex

“Not my problem, Prez. The chubby prick took a unit of my blood last night,” I continue complaining to no avail.

“Did Vex finally find someone, or something, that doesn’t think he hung the moon?” Trigger adds his two cents worth to this useless conversation.

“Cat’s interfering with the honeymoon sex. That’s why he’s in a pissy mood today,” Pooh says with a laugh at my expense.

Petey takes a seat next to me and without a word, grabs my wrist and lifts my arm to look at it from all angles. Still not talking, he raises one eyebrow and stares at me. I jerk my arm away and give him a glare.

“They were the only band-aids Taja had in her purse, okay? No, I’m not turning into Axel. I just needed them to stop the bleeding!” I shout at the look Petey continues to give me.

“Hello Kitty? How appropriate,” Pooh murmurs.

“Why are you wearing pink bandages?” Craig asks from beside me.

When I look his direction, I’m again amazed at how dirty one child can get. He’s got one hand down the back of his pants, scratching at his ass, Bart the skunk and Gee the pig standing next to him.

“Duffy scratched the hell out of me,” I tell him.

“Axel says only real men wear pink. Guess that means you do have a dick,” Craig responds before walking off, still scratching, with his entourage in tow. All that ass itching makes me wonder if the kid has fleas.

“Need advice. What kind of car should I get Tessie?” I ask the men.

“To keep her or the world safe?” Gunner asks with a grin.

“Both, I guess.”

“Some old boat of a car from the 70’s,” Pooh declares. “Like a Lincoln Continental. Huge, slow. Lots of metal on them to keep her safe during the numerous accidents she’s going to cause.”

“That girl needs something newer. Something with a lot of airbags. Lots of airbags,” Petey says.

“Get her whatever you want, Vex. I’ll tinker with it so it has no speed. None whatsoever,” Trigger grins.

“I’m thinking a Jeep Wrangler. They have blind spot monitoring and collision warning. She needs both. They’re good for off-roading, and she’ll do that whether it’s intended or not. And I can get one in bright orange so others can see her coming and get the fuck out of the way,” I explain.

I get several nods in agreement, and my mind’s made up.

“911! 911! Call 911!” Mac screeches as he waddles across the floor, wings flapping out to the sides of his body. He starts running around in circles in a complete bird tizzy continuing to scream 911.

“What’s wrong, Mac?” Gunner barks at him.

“We’ve been robbed! 911!” Mac answers in a high-pitched scream.

During Mac’s drama, Loki walks into the room and flops down on his belly, not concerned in the least. I reach down and give Loki a head rub while knowing Mac will eventually get around to telling us what’s got his feathers in a twist.

“What was stolen, Mac?” Petey patiently asks the noisy bird.

“Cashews! My cashews!” Mac answers. “All my cashews! Fucker stole them!”

“Who stole them?” Pooh asks.

“Axel! Fucking Assman! Cashew thief!” Mac informs us.

“Did not. Quit accusing me of shit I didn’t do,” Axel states as he enters the room. Bright pink baby sling in place, hands cradling his cargo.

“Did too!”

“Did not! If I want cashews, I’ll buy my own. You’re just trying to get me into trouble again. You know what, Mac? You’re going to come up missing one of these days, and I’ll enjoy every second of it!” Axel threatens loudly.

“Mom would hurt you,” Mac says, confidently.

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