Page 35 of Pooh

I hear my phone ping and glance down at it in my hand to see a text from Pooh.

“We’ll leave after I finish my coffee. You’re kind of a bitch and you’re nuts if you think you’re going to give me fucking orders,” the male responds, irritably.

“I’m notabitch. I’m their fucking Queen. And you have no right to be here so get gone!” I bark back.

BILF: Tammy and Trigger left a while ago. He’s taking her home.

Me: Thx.

BILF: Coming for class tomorrow?

Me: Can I call you later? Busy with a problem at NH right now.

BILF: What kind of problem?

Me: Fucking Katrena brought a guy home last night. Convincing him to get the fuck out. I’ll call later, honey.

When Pooh doesn’t answer, I raise my eyes back up and see the man sipping his coffee and smirking at me. He doesn’t appear to be getting ready to leave anytime soon. Fucker! Katrena is staring off into space and has plopped down in the chair next to him.

“Katrena! Office, now. You, mister, get out of this house.”

“You need to remove the stick that is up your ass, woman,” he says. “Before someone decides to do it for you. Get me?”

“You’ve been told to leave. You haven’t. If you don’t do so immediately, I’ll call 911 and have you removed and charged with trespassing,” I warn him while I carefully reach into my purse for my can of pepper spray. I don’t let him see that I have it but I’m ready if I need to be.

“Fuck you, cunt! We’ll leave when I say we’re leaving,” he angrily responds while standing up and placing his hands on the table. He’s leaning forward on his hands and trying to stare me down.

This is not my first rodeo with an asshole with a hearing and understanding English problem. I raise my phone and start to dial in 911 when he rushes around the table coming directly at me. Katrena gasps but stays where she is sitting. I raise my pepper spray, aim for his face, and let loose with a stream of pure hellfire. I have to admit that I enjoy his agony. It gives me the warm fuzzies. The spray hits him dead center between the eyes and he instantly hits the ground on his knees, howling to beat hell. I keep the spray aimed in case he’s one of those rare people that can fight through it. He is not one of those people and I know I grin a little.

“What the fuck is going on?” I hear Tammy shout at the same time as I see Trigger brush past me and stop next to the downed man. Trigger, not so gently, nudges the guy with his boot and then grabs the back of his shirt and hauls him to his feet. The man is whining and whimpering while pawing at his eyes. I’m smart enough to know that you never wipe your eyes when you’ve been sprayed but he obviously isn’t and I’m not in the mood to educate him.

“Want him off the property or held until the cops show?” asks Trigger. Calmly, I note.

“Off the property is good enough for now. But hey you, asshole, come back here again and the cops will be hauling your sorry ass out, get me?” I say to Trigger first, then to the crying, snot-nosed male.

Trigger drags the moron out the front door and down the steps to a truck parked at the curb. I notice Trigger having a chat so I turn to Tammy.

“Katrena has fucked up for the last time. She brought that dirtbag here and then he didn’t want to leave. I helped change his mind. Why are you here?”

“Pooh called Trigger and said to come here instead of taking me home. Said there was a problem and that he’d be here soon.”

As Tammy is speaking, I hear a bike pull up out back. Seconds later, Pooh barrels into the room, with Axel on his heels. Pooh looks me over, notes the can still in my hand and grins. Axel walks to the window and looks out to see Trigger still having a chat. The type of chat where the guy’s head has bounced off the steering wheel a few times now. Go Trigger!

“Why do I always get left out of all the fun? Who took his ass down, Pippa? You or Trigger?” questions Axel.

“I sprayed him. Trigger hauled his sorry ass outside.”

“Babe. That’s hot,” murmurs Pooh as he tosses his arm over my shoulders. I see the relief in his eyes that I am whole and the humor that I can wield a can of pepper spray like a badass. I grin up at him. Then, I remember Katrena and her part in this mess.

“Let’s get some windows opened and air this place out, Pippa. The fumes are making my eyes water,” Tammy says.

“Well, fuck, since I missed all the fun already, I’m going to see if Craig wants to play Xbox. I still need to beat his little ass at that racing game,” Axel says, while heading to the back of the house.

“I’ll pack,” Katrena says as she stands and walks for the stairs. We watch her go and then I turn to look at Tammy. We both wear identical expressions of concern. For Craig, not Katrena. What will happen to him now?

Trigger walks in and stops beside Tammy. He looks from her to me and then to Pooh.

“What’s wrong?”

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