Page 41 of Never Say Yes To Your Fake Husband

“You’re going to tell me that I deserve someone better, aren’t you?” she mumbles.

“It’s not about deserving someone better.” I sigh, and it feels good to force that air out. “It’s about the fact that we’re married because I needed you to marry me, and you needed money. It was an arrangement that was kind of forced on us both. We didn’t come together naturally, and that’s always going to be hanging over us.”

“So you’re leaving because of how we met four years ago, not what’s happened now? Doesn’t it mean anything?”

I have to let her hand go. I don’t have any right to hold it. But then I take it back up again because I can’t help myself. I need to touch her. She grounds me, and I know that’s the opposite of what I’m trying to do here because what I need to do is set her free to live her own life uninterrupted by me and then leave to make sure my new company runs as smoothly as possible and stays out of danger of any and all nefarious cousins.

As I try to find the words, though, Weland’s eyes start to get shiny. She blinks furiously, but her eyes stay a little bit wet. Jesus, it’s enough to make me get hot in the eyes. I haven’t ever bawled in my entire life, and I’m not going to start now. I’ve spent the entirety of my years basically flying solo, even when I kind of had a family, and I know I can’t let my guard down now. This was a nice break. It could have been something wonderful. Maybe in another lifetime, Weland and I could even have been a family together. Her parents could have loved me, her brother would have been a brother-in-law, and I would have had the family I always craved for. Okay, that last bit is a stretch. A big stretch. However, I’m not entirely shocked at the pulsing in mychest. I know I want that. Who doesn’t want to feel loved and accepted?

Shit. Shit on a stick. I’d really like to know what it’s like to have a mom. And a dad. And siblings.

But Weland deserves the chance to meet someone who doesn’t con her into getting married. She deserves a chance to find her better half. The half that really completes her. She wants to stay here, and she loves her family. She doesn’t want to go hopping all over the globe for business and stuff, and I’m not ready to quit. I don’t want to live in Detroit. My business is in Nashville. Even if we could make this work, it would involve so much time apart, and that’s really not fair to her.

Maybe I’m grasping at straws here. Maybe it’s just because I know I’m not good enough for her. I’m never going to be good enough for her. She’s great, and above all, she needs someone who knows what it takes to be a family. I have no idea when it comes to that. I’m not the piece in her puzzle that’s missing. That person, whoever he is, is still out there.

Is it wrong that I want to find him and make him eat hot peppers until he cries?

Yeah, that’s messed up. I don’t really want to make anyone cry. I don’t. Not even this nebulous, out there, still imaginary at this moment person.

“It does,” I utter. My thumb traces a circle over the back of her hand. Her skin is so soft and silky. “It did. It’s always going to mean something. I think we’re just not…there’s too much…there’s a hundred reasons…I’m not…I just can’t stay, Weland. Not now. Not ever. Not with work. Not with my business. I have to leave now, and I’ll always have to keep leaving. You deserve someone who wants to make a life with you. Right here. I know you’d never want to leave your family. I’m on the road an awful lot, and my business and life are in Nashville.”

Her eyebrows cross, and she looks at me like she’d enjoy tearing off my balls, dipping them in chocolate, and feeding them to me.

She jerks her hand back. “That’s the biggest cop-out I’ve ever heard. If you have to go and take care of things, that makes sense. If you’re scared, that makes sense. If you just don’t like me, that makes sense too. But what you just said…it sounds like a load of bull.”

“Weland…” I sigh.

“Straight up bull.”

“It’s not. Think about it. Do you want someone who is in your life for only a few days a month? A few weeks a year in total? Would you leave here, leave your family, and only be in their lives for a few days a month or a few weeks a year?”

Her frown darkens. If it was an evening frown, it’s not a full-on night frown, and the not-so-friendly night bugs are coming out.

“So why were we even trying to make this work then if that was a concern? If it did work, were you going to give it up? What was going to happen? You knew I loved my family.”

“I didn’t realize how much. I don’t…I wasn’t thinking that far ahead. I was just trying to see if we were even compatible. I didn’t come here trying to seduce you. That wasn’t even the plan. I thought about it so hard last night. I’m sorry if it seems like I just wanted to play with your body or your feelings. That wasn’t my intention.”

“What if we could meet halfway? What if we traveled a little and stayed here a little? I could write songs for you. Or for whoever wants to sing them. Because I don’t. I don’t ever want to be famous. Those videos I made are the last ones I ever want to make. I don’t need the world to see me. I just want you to see me, Sterling. I think we could make it work if you’re willing.”

I hesitate. She’s tearing me apart and tearing me down, bit by bit. My will to leave starts to waver. “Don’t you want to get onwith your life? You’ve been suspended in this marriage for four years.”

“So have you,” she argues. “We don’t have to stay married anymore. We don’t have anything to worry about when it comes to that. I’m not saying we should. I’m telling you that you’re freaking out, and you don’t have to. We could work if we wanted to. I know it.”

“What happened to theyou have to set things free in order for them to come back to youidea?”

“Don’t throw dad wisdom back at me,” she says with a grunt. Her arms fold across her chest, and I can see the way her breasts swell under her monster shirt. The happy blue fuzzy monster looks like it’s doing a happy blue fuzzy monster dance. If I were sitting on top of Weland’s breasts, dwelling right by her beating heart and a part of her warm skin, the fabric of me gracing her body, I’d be doing a happy dance as well.

“I think I need to leave. We need to get a divorce, and I need to go. There are things with the new company that I need to make sure are airtight and made right.”

“Well, you’re not under any obligation to stay. That’s not how I want you, and I know it’s not how you want me. You’re trying to do the nice thing and set me free, but what if that’s not what I want? Do I want to stay married the way we’ve been? Absolutely not. Do I want to keep seeing if this could work because it felt good, and I actually like you? Yes. Yes, okay, I do. If you feel the same way, then you can leave. You can go and do the things you need to do, but you can come back. Technically, that’s setting each other free. Technically, it’s you leaving. If that’s what it takes and if the dad advice has to be followed, then on all the technicalities, we’ll be doing what we need to do. Traveling? I want to see the world. Nashville? Sounds like an incredible place. The thing is, I write songs. I make music. And you’re in the business of putting songs out into the world. I think it could bea great thing—us partnering together. For us personally and on the business side of things.”

Damn it, she’s making it pretty darn hard to see the benefits of just taking off out of here. I thought I could spare her if I left now. I thought I’d be doing the right thing. Setting her free to live her life feels like the generous, non-asshole thing to do. I’d talked myself into getting a divorce and letting her live her own life and moving on while I live mine. I’d already decided it was the best thing to do on a scale ofhow to not fuck with her life anymore.

Was I wrong?AmI wrong? It only takes two point seven nine seconds of soul-searching to admit her argument has some validity. It makes a lot of sense. Do I really feel like leaving? No. Do I have to leave? Yes. Do I want to come back here, not for this city but for Weland? Yes. Yes, I absolutely do.

I’ve traveled, I’ve searched, and I’ve gone all over the world. I’ve lived a good portion of my life already. I’ve built a music empire, and I have more money than I know what to do with.

But do I know what family is? Do I know what love is? Not really. And no. No, I don’t. But what if I had the chance? What if I had the chance right now, and I let it go?

---